Nights Are Hard When Your Bed Is Empty And Your Heart Is Still Miles Away

*tumblr inspired*

8:20 pm

I miss you and I hope you miss me too. Nights are getting lighter though and I don't so sad when I think of you. But some days everything still reminds me of you and it makes me want to tear my f*****g heart out because you were the best thing that has happened to me and I hope you feel the same.

8:56 pm

That damn quote was engraved into my bones and it held more weight that the whole galaxy combined into my small rib cage. And you repeated yourself day in and day out saying you loved me to that big rock and back times 1,000 but that number was cut short the night I said I didn't love the moon anymore.

9:55 pm

I've forgotten what your voice sounds like and that frightens me to no end knowing one day you'll completely fade away from my mind.

8:39 pm

It would be more painful to die by hearing you say goodbye again rather than drowning myself in the bathtub with my stomach full of pills and my wrists bleeding love letters.

8:11 pm

I get lost in thought some days and imagine what it would've been like to go to sleep with your heart beating next to mine.

4:45 pm

I MISS YOU SO F*****G MUCH THAT IT HURTS TO BREATHE AND TO MOVE AND ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS IF YOU REMEMBER THE COLOR OF MY EYES.

7:12 pm

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. I CAN'T LOOK IN THE MIRROR WITHOUT WANTING TO SHATTER THE GLASS. SCHOOL MAKES ME SICK. PEOPLE SCARE ME. AND YOUR FACE IS HAUNTING ME EVEN MORE LATELY. I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE. PLEASE COME BACK.

5:57 pm

EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF YOU. JESUS CHRIST LEAVE ME ALONE. STOP FOLLOWING ME. IT'S EXHAUSTING HAVING YOU RUN THROUGH MY MIND EVERY SECOND. PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.

11:23 am

I'M SO F*****G SORRY FOR THE THINGS I SAID AND THE WAY I ACTED AND THE WAY I STILL BREATHED YOUR NAME MONTHS AFTER WE SAID OUR GOODBYES. BUT I STILL COUNT THE TIMES THE MOON TOLD ME HOW MUCH YOU DRANK THAT NIGHT AND HOW BADLY YOU WANTED TO SLIT OPEN YOUR WRISTS TO WASH ME OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM. AND I GUESS YOUR VEINS CLEARED UP BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER NOW WHILE I'M STILL OVERDOSING ON THE THOUGHT OF YOU.

3:30 am

IF I COULD GO BACK TO THE MONTHS I WASTED PUSHING YOUR LOVE AWAY I WOULD WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT BECAUSE YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING AND I DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL NOW HOW BADLY THE SIDE EFFECTS WOULD EFFECT ME. MAYBE IF MY SUBCONSCIOUS REMEMBERED RIGHT NOW I HOPE HE'D HAVE THE GUTS TO SLAP MY FACE THE NEXT TIME I TRIED TO BREAK THE MAN WHO ONLY WANTED ME ME ME.

6:49 pm 

I woke up last night with my heart crawling up my throat and my cheeks drowning in tears. I had a dream about you again and how my name used to slide off your tongue like silk. I bet now it tastes like rotten fruit and the thought of me makes your skin itch. Maybe I'm wrong and maybe you still think of me at 2 am when you're forgetting your name but I doubt those thoughts are any good.

9:12 pm

Oh god it's been a while now and I still hope every night that my phone will ring and I'll hear you on the other side of the phone whispering that you forgive me for the things I said, that you still love me and that you want me back. But this isn't a book where he always comes back and I should know this by now.