In Response to a Remark Regarding Sobriety

Yeah I feel that man,
that sentiment resonates something fierce in a considerable way.
It's probable that there is. No.
It is impossible to deny that there is a struggle and strife,
a fight that's within us. Much like two wolves,
as it's been related, a constant struggle between two forces as they foster
discourse in their eternal battle for our souls,
leaving a sharp divide like a solstice.

This tug of war can be such a bore leaving me lethargic and feeling the absence of catharsis.

When the smoke clears and our internal battlefields gain an air that's a bit more cavalier;
we're left with a cannonball void, an artillery striked psyche,
someone please call the corpsman.
When the drugs are all gone and we're released from our respective stockades,
were left sans accolades
and in their place reflections and repentance as we ponder with wonder on past self-deceptions and social charades.

No longer.

For far worst than regret, I must lament, is that casual indifference and apathy.
That lonely uneasiness that's tediously fastidious and never satiated as it grates and wears away at our passions.
There are moments, where I discover in reflection, that I've been like the perfect illustration of a Freudian theorem;
wherein I'm nothing but fractured outward projections. So what's left then?
My insecurities abundant, and when that feeling of detachment becomes resplendent, contradictory much like this rhetoric, oxymoronic both of which act like perfect metaphors as they mirror my internal conflicting afflictions.
It's in these moments of unremarkable complacency and amongst the tedium and the commonplace ritual of the every day mundane, where I most oft find myself pining for the Haggard and haphazard, hazardously disorganized lackadaisical daze of a drunken haze.

It never ceases to amaze me,

how I can so easily find myself romanticizing a memory of times past where I was so unchained,
unruly and unknowingly ashamed,
conscience left maimed,
mentality in a state that's damn near impossible to sustain.
It's not well-known to those who never have had to but the amount of non stop effort put forth to be a drunken drug addled mess is sizeable. It's palpable,
the fact that most people thought we were lazy but as nonchalant as we may have seemed and had been deemed
in all actuality it was an everyday crazy race to an undefined finish line
and now with the demons long gone we are left to our devices but nobody realizes how f*****g boring life is with out the daily grind of chasing our vices.