Warriors

Sergeant Fraser and his crew of loyal soldiers defend the minds of the innocent from the brutal Pessimist Gang.

"They're closing in, Sarge. It should only take them a few hours to reach the cortex. We've discussed this amongst ourselves and we think it is time to move in. We can't let the Pessimists into the cortex. We must save Him from them."

"You're right, Ryan. Grab your gear, soldiers, we're going in."

"Do you really think we're ready for this Sarge? We haven't even finished training yet and you're going to let us fight the Pessimists? They're thoughts are extremely dangerous!" Private McKinley worries.

"I believe in you all, soldiers. It's thinking like that which allows them through, McKinley. We must save Greg from the damage they'll do to him. He's got an important day coming up and he can't miss it due to our fear of them. We can do it and we shall save Greg! Now, go!"

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The troop marched through the tough and uneven terrain of the brain, toward the subconscious. They were priming themselves for the fight ahead. This battle was going to be tough on the new recruits but their previous eight months of vigorous training should help them. Sergeant Fraser reminds them of all the important steps to defeating the Pessimists.

"First, you must identify their weapons. Are they using anxiety, guilt, fear, or worry? Second, do not attempt to converse with them for a few seconds. This will make some of them rethink their decision and they may back out.Third, distract the weak ones. The weak will burst when they are forced into thinking of something else. Fourth, you talk to them and try to convince them that they are wrong. This will make them burst as their thoughts contradict each other."

They continue marching until they see the Pessimist Gang. The gang is almost over the subconscious border and is heading into the conscious to the cortex, where they can become even more powerful.The troop stops and waits, being completely quiet in order to hear the shouts of the gang. 

"He won't be able to do it!"

"Others will think badly of him!"

"He is a fool for trying to achieve something in life! He always fails, this time is no different!"

The troop decides the gang's weapon is worry. But that is not all, they are also armed with fear. They know this fight will be a hard one, but they will try their hardest to defend Greg.

"Hey, guys! Did you hear that no word in the English language rhymes with 'month?' Giraffes have really long tongues, up to eighteen inches! Can you believe that?" yells Private Corren. 

Many of the Pessimists look to the Private and burst. They've lessened the numbers in the gang to a three fourths of what it was before. Corren is glad he was able to distract so many.

"Greg will be humiliated!"

"I know, he never knows what to wear and always looks like a clown!"

"Did you see what the barber did to his hair yesterday? It won't grow back for in time for the ceremony!"

"Greg looks fine. I'm sure he will pick out proper clothing, as he usually does, and will look great for the ceremony. He already planned what he wants to wear anyway, so he doesn't need to fret about that anymore. He has all of that covered. He'll be wearing a hat as well so his hair won't even be showing. If he has to take it off, he'll look great too!" McKinley says.

About forty more Pessimists burst. They're brains can't filter out which thoughts are theirs and which ones aren't. They don't have the capacity to keep both theirs and the others in their heads and they burst from confusion.

"What if Greg trips like he did in the fifth grade play?"

"Or if he spills water on his pants again!"

'If Greg drinks before he leaves, he won't be thirsty and he won't spill the water on himself. When Greg was in the fifth grade, he wasn't used to his growing body, but now he is. He hasn't tripped like that in a long time. He'll be fine!"

Sixty more Pessimists burst. The troop is glad there are only a few more left but they're approaching the border of the subconscious and could reach the conscious in only a few minutes.

"Greg has practiced his speech and laid out everything perfectly for the ceremony. Nothing could go wrong. There is nothing to worry about. Greg is prepared and will do a fantastic job! He always does well at these ceremonies and there is no reason he would do bad at this one. He will do a great job at this ceremony, for sure!"

The troop hears the final cries of the bursting Pessimists and they celebrate their victory.

"Great work, Privates! You've defended Greg and in just in time for the ceremony coming up. Now we know that Greg will do great, not that I doubted him or you before!"

Author's Note

I know this was kind of a silly story but the idea popped into my head and just really wanted to write it.

Reviews

[Ruly]

I am here to deliver my critique as I have been doing within the past two weeks on about eight writing works. I hope you would give your opinion on my work soon.

Before I go any further, I need to point out a couple insignificant details that should be corrected to have this work ready to go.

“First, you must identify… Second, do not attempt... Fourth, you talk to them…” Where is the “Third”

Now on this sentence I need clarification

“The continue marching until they see the Pessimist Gang… is it they?

Ok, moving to the main course.

This is an original work, very creative and entertaining. I liked it. The way it was narrated, it shows a good picture of how someone feels in so many occasions. Of course, this work does give an individual a sense of security and trust. Am I right?


Now, this is just a comment, you can disregard it, or you can do something with it. At the end when you wrote:

…at this ceremony, for sure!" After that there are only two paragraphs left and the story end.
Maybe if you put something coming from the main character in between them may give your story more color in terms of the individual accomplishing something. I mean the army did help him to handle a difficult task. Bringing life to the character may fit perfectly.
Good Job!

[Quinn W]

Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate that you took your time to read and review my work! I will definitely add in those edits you mentioned. As for the last part, it was not ever my intention to write that part as that was not the purpose of my piece. I wanted the man, Greg, not to be the main character or even to mentioned at all if I could help it but the story didn't work well without mentioning him. I just liked the idea of warriors fighting off the bad thoughts in your head. So, I'm not interested in writing another part of the story with Greg going through the ceremony. I hope you understand and thank you so much for the advice.