Why I Read and Write

WRITER'S CAFE FRIENDS PLEASE READ UNTIL THE END.

I discovered reading when I was in the fourth grade. I talked a lot in elementary school and my teachers did not appreciate it. I was always getting in trouble for being too loud or talking when I wasn't supposed to be. In the second grade, I learned that talking quieter got me in less trouble. I continued to talk and still got in trouble, but I didn't get caught as much. I'm not bragging when I say this, but I was very advanced in elementary school. Often times, I would finish my work early and sit there with nothing to do. So, naturally, I entertained myself... by talking to other people. The first teacher to realize this was my fourth grade teacher Ms. Hand. She then approached me and talked to me about reading. She asked if I'd ever read a book for fun and I basically said "No! Books are for school! Not fun!" From then on, I've had an obsession with books.

I would love to say that books are only good for me and that nothing bad has come out of it. I would also like to be able to say that my relationship with books is healthy. But, its not. I read in elementary school in order to not get in trouble and sometimes I deemed it as a punishment. I didn't truly read for fun and I never have. Reading has the ability to make me forget about my surroundings and situations. You know that quote from Dumbledore when Harry is sitting in front of the magic mirror showing a picture of his parents: "It does not do to dwell on dreams." You got that right, Dumbledore! Reading has allowed me to have an escape. It can be a good thing and a bad thing. 

Let me continue on with my story by fast-forwarding to middle school. I went from being pretty popular in elementary school, to no one has a clue who I am in middle school. It was a complete social culture-shock for me. I had no friends for the first semester except a friend I'd had since the first grade, but she wasn't in any of my classes so I didn't see her much. Instead of spending my time trying to make real friends, I made fictional ones. I wrote and read about many people. I created characters that were my best friends. Oddly enough, I even talked to them out loud sometimes. Then, I made a friend that was part of the popular crowd. She immediately hooked me up with some real-life friends and I didn't use my fictional ones until eighth grade again. I had no classes with my newly found friends and I quickly reverted back to my sixth grade ways. Halfway through the year, I decided I was going to be more social. I made tons of new friends and enjoyed talking to them, but something didn't feel right. I had unknowingly made a new friend: Anxiety. I've written a lot about my anxiety in the past on this website so I won't go into much detail here. Here are the basics: I have issues in social situations a lot now and I've got accompanied depression that comes and goes every few months. Anxiety forced me back into my little bubble.

Fast-forward again to now. I'm currently in the ninth grade. Summary of this year: I dropped out of public high school and I am now enrolled in an online course, I'm seeing a psychiatrist for my anxiety and depression, and I am pretty much alone all the time. Most of my friends have either forgotten about me, after deciding that my anxiety was too overwhelming for public school, are fictional, or are online. My social life is dwindling currently. To make up for that, and my boredom, I read and write. Somedays, I don't talk to anyone. I didn't for a whole week once and had to train my voice again. I find myself having to talk to myself or read things out loud to keep my voice. I've also gone three weeks without leaving my house. Reading and writing are things I love to do, but sometimes I fear they have a negative impact on me as well. 

I don't really know why I wrote this. I feel sort of sorry for some of you guys who read my writing sometimes. I post some depressing things once in a while and I use this site as a diary or a therapist that could possibly work. 

I do want to thank all my friends that I've made on this website. I appreciate all of you so much. You have all impacted me and helped me through my tough times with advice and kindness when I need it the most. Thank you so much to these people especially:

barleygirl for all the Anxiety and writing advice.

moonlit_cove for being so amazingly supportive and brilliant.

Inject Positivity (not sure when you'll see this, I hope you come back soon) for being so kind and supportive. 

William Liston for being so nice and helpful with my writing.

matrixmark for being a help in my editing experience.

Courtney Hough for inspiring me to be so kind and to keep striving for what I believe in.

Reviews

[Inject Positivity]

Oh Quinn, right now I'm in tears, I just wish I could give you a warm hug and if you want more than one I would give that too... Thank you for sharing your innermost voice with us. Actually I didn't know you are this young, but knowing this makes me realize how hard life is, it makes me realize that I might have had many hardships in my life but there are people who are dealing with worse. Poverty is no doubt very hard for anyone but the person who is lonely has more tough time than the poor.

You are not alone my frnd, you'll never be alone, you just do your best, this will pass one day. We are all by your side, may be through this screen but still with you.

Write your heart out, speak your thoughts, we who love you will understand your voice...

Thank you for mentioning my name which I don't know if I deserve or not but I'm humbled...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Quinn W]

You totally deserve it. All of you have helped me so much through my tough times. Thank you so much!

[barleygirl]

This is very compelling. I was spellbound from start to finish, picturing the little person going thru all this. I had no idea you were so young, since your writing makes you seem much more mature & advanced in your thinking & your skill at introspection as well as observation. I appreciate the call-out of appreciation (((HUGS)))

The way you portray your relationship with reading feels like a love affair with ups & downs & strong points & those not-so-good maybe. I think life is f*****g hard, especially for young people these days (much more difficult & complicated than when I was your age). I wish every young person could give themselves permission to use whatever coping devices necessary to get thru the tough stretches. All coping mechanisms have ups & downs. We all have life ups & downs. It's good to have a place to hide & decompress. Thanks for sharing your interesting & honest journey. Such honesty is the crux of good writing becuz you have something authentic to say & this will resonate with others all thru your writing journey in years to come (((HUGS)))

[Quinn W]

Thank you so much! You truly have no idea how much your words have touched me.