Legend of the Fontaina babicus Glasisgis Aquaticus

A Story by Tallie

about an amateur archeologist on an exploration

The soiled ground below [Emily] Lee’s feet gave off a very repulsive and pungent smell as she dawdled freely into the KE Temple. Deciding that this entry to this very sacred temple didn’t require a key, she coped on naming it “Keyless Entry Temple” (KE Temple).

Nearly 2000 ago, a catastrophic event occurred causing all of Canada to collapse including burying the city of Toronto in rubble, rocks and waste.

Merely 20 years ago, Lee decided that she wanted to gain world fame. To have her prospect, she made a long journey to Canada to uncover a sacred temple and be an [ameteur] archeologist. For the past 20 years Lee and her assistant [Jeanette] Lui, have been excavating rubble with 2 shovels and have been living on top the temple only to uncover the KE temple.

It was finally 4016, after all those hard years of work, and Lee took a stride further into the temple, with Lui following behind her and she kept on hearing creaks coming from the wall. Indeed it was from the walls because the temple was falling apart.

They maintained a plodding gait in a perfect temple falling apart demeanor. As they cantered their way deeper into the temple, at every rectangular thing they passed, it always had a very disgusting and powerful smell to it.

Lee looked at every detail she saw in the temple, while Lui took down notes so they could explain their experience in the KE Temple to an audience, for when Lee gains world fame. Lee looked back at Lui to see if she was taking notes, then all the sudden, Lee bumped into this rectangular thing attached to the wall. Lee immediately knew she would gain world fame when she discovered the Fontaina Glasigis Babicus Aquaticus.

Lee examined the exterior of the Fontaina Glasigis Babicus Aquaticus. She determined that it is a white fontaina that is attached to the wall. It is manufactured out of glasigis and consists of a shiny and silver melatia horn, and with the word “PUSH” inscribed on a melatia button. The Fontaina Glasigis Babicus Aquaticus is coated in a very thin coat of silipain, to make it glossy and shiny. Lee quickly dictated that the KE Temple was originally used as a babicus nursery. She thought this because of how in almost every room there were dozens of tablacus’ to put a babicus in it when it was born. Other items were found in the tablacus such as toys and thin rectangular tree like blankets for the babicus’, commonly known as plapkets.

Now examining every aspect of the Fontaina Babicus Glasigis Aquaticus, Lee leisurely ascertained that it was used as a container where a newborn babicis is placed to get baptised, and communicate to the gods.

To use to fontaina, the deity Made In China (Mic) would “KE Temple style” baptise the babicis and communicate with the gods because her name was inscribed on the side of the fontaina. To begin, Mic would push the button located on the front of the fontaina, and a sacred substance would spray out of the horn because Lui was forced to take apart the fontaina, and see how it works. Then she would cover the babicis in the sacred substance that only comes when a babicis has been born. Subsequently they would baptise the baby by touching it on the forehead (where the brain is located), then to the right chest (where the heart is) back and forth approximately 10000 times so the heart and brain becomes connected spiritually. This is done so they can follow their heart intelligently and so your brain gets enough blood physiologically. After that she would perform a sacred chant that consists of the word “PUSH” multiple times because the word “Push” is inscribed on the Fontaina Glasigis Babicus Aquaticus button and is repeated until the babicis has defecated its fecal matter. Then she would remove the horn and shove the fecal matter down the spout. After that, Mic would blow into the horn, which produces a F#, and is played continuously until it is sacrificed to her fellow gods and deities (basically until the fecal matter drains), so they can be alarmed of a babicus entering the world.

Once the gods and deities have received the sacred fecal matter, a sacred substance will come shooting out of the spout, then they would quickly put the horn back on it so the babicis can digest the sacrificial substance that is laced with fecal matter so they can taste what they have requested from them.

When Lee looked at the fontaina, it contained brown spots and marks in the basin of the fontaina. Lee quickly deciphered that it was patently from the fecal matter stains that the ancient people were undoubtedly too lazy to clean it. Shortly after, Lee realized why the Temple reeked, especially every rectangular thing they passed- it was from the fecal matter.

After the babicis got baptised and communicated to the gods, unquestionably it is placed in one of the rooms that I peered in earlier, and placed in a tablacus, and they would put a plapket over the baby, but since it has been a while, the plapkets have unfortunately become stale.

On Lee and Bob’s excavation to discovering the KE Temple, Lee discovered the Fontaina Glasigis Babicis Aquaticus, a fontaina used to baptise a newborn babicis and to help the babicis communicate with the gods, while Lui took notes. Lui and mostly Lee are on their way to gaining world fame for discovering the Fontaina Glasigis Babicis Aquaticus!