The Evolution of Our Divorce

Gives an "Overlooked" prospective of the division within the black family.

The Evolution of Our Divorce

 

First, I’d like to thank you for being Bold enough to read this. The sole purpose of  this writing is to inform and give a Overlooked Perspective on how the Black Family has become divided. Once again, this was not created to Bash, Disrespect, Belittle, or Dishonor Anyone, but follow me on this journey of  how we arrived at the place of a disassembled Black Family.

In the early 1600’s after the first 13 colonies of  North America were formed, the first slaves from Africa were brought to Jamestown, Virginia. I know you know or heard the stories of what it was like, and you’re probably trying to figure out where am I going with this, and thinking, hurry up and get to the point. Be Patient! Trust me, you’ll be moved with this info and it’s important to know where we’ve come from to get a clear understanding of how we arrived at where we are! Back to the script; we were beaten, forced to work, striped of  our rights as a human, so on and so forth. In the mist of all of that WE STOOD TOGETHER!!!! We prayed TOGETHER, cried TOGETHER, and fought for our freedom…….TOGETHER! After 200 years of bondage we received our freedom in 1865, yeah Abe Lincoln declared it, but WE (THE BLACK FAMILY) did this by STANDING TOGETHER.

Now speeding things up a little, in the 1960’s we had the civil rights movement which developed to give US equal rights across the board i.e: jobs, loans, etc. Even with the loss of some Great People, WE STILL ACOMPLISHED THIS BY STICKING TOGETHER! Now this is when s**t gets sophisticated. We were starting to receive our rights, simultaneously there were those in positions of power that wanted US to stay inferior. This is when drugs began to seep in our communities with the undoubtable purpose of destroying OUR HOMES. Furthermore, we were becoming more independent and thus becoming stronger CUNSUMERS in a CAPITALIST SOCIETY. Basically, the more money we made, the more they could market products specifically towards US as a subliminal way to say,” If you don’t have this, you anit s**t!” To sum things up, we had forward progression but two major elements set in place to cause US to regress.

As time moved on and we entered the 1970’s, the HOME had changed. Typically both parents worked to keep up with the ever changing economy. This is also an important era because The Feminist Movement began to gain more momentum. I agree with it’s purpose to elevate women to pursue their dreams, goals, and equal rights. Ironically, this is were a lot of division Began in OUR HOMES. Not because women were pursuing their rights, but this is when attitudes changed toward the Head of the HOME (The Black Man). S**t, who wouldn’t Love to see their mom, aunt, sister, or daughter be a judge, an architect, economist, mechanic, etc. But, when you come home the man is STILL the HEAD of the HOME. As women began to make decent pay and sometimes more than the man, s**t in some instances she was the bread winner of the HOME. That’s not only commendable but worthy of honor as well! Regardless, GOD said that the man is the head, He didn’t say s**t about who ever brings in the most money. See, He did this with purpose, and anyone familiar with HIS ORDER should KNOW THIS. 

The attitudes towards the men were that of you anit s**t, I don’t have to listen to you, I don’t need you, I did this on my own, this is my house, and you can leave. Now let me ask you this. If someone knocked on your door and said,” I’ma kill one person in the house, the rest of you can go.” Who do you think is going to volunteer to take that bullet? You already know, the man! So with that said, how the f**k can you disrespect someone that would sacrifice his life for the HOME, like Christ did for the church? I’m not saying that there is not some loser a*s boys out here, I’m speaking on behalf of REAL MEN. You know the ones that bust their a*s to try and give you and the kids everything possible while he walks around with the same clothes he’s been wearing for 5 years. The same man that you are bold enough to get in his face and challenge him like you are a man, you act like he’s not human, like he doesn’t have feelings too. Furthermore, you know he’s not the type of brother that hits women but you have the audacity to jump in his face and provoke him. If someone did that to you, you would go off. Not condoning it, but IF YOU PROVOKE HIM AND HE SLAPS YOU ( key word: YOU), was he the cause? I Love my BLACK QUEENS too much to let you make up some weak a*s excuse or rebuttal like: Well, I was just mad. You think he wasn’t mad? S**t he tried to leave but you want to force him to stay. He asked you to cool out, but since you know you can’t beat him with your fist you beat him down with your mouth. This is the same person that will take a bullet for you and wouldn’t think twice!

See, I wholeheartedly agree with equal rights for All people, but let’s not lose our families in the process. We cannot forget our roles in OUR HOMES. There are so many circumstances that had a negative impact on OUR FAMILIES, but my main focus is on the attitude of the Queen towards her King. I remember seeing certain women which I will not name, obviously I know them, have a peaceful home, sometimes they didn’t have much of s**t, but they had a POWERFUL LOVE and PEACE in their HOME. The man was progressing, but the woman began to progress a little faster. Well, you know things changed but it wasn’t for the better. She began to try and Dictate everything in the home. She changed so much, even the way she dressed, and it wasn’t for her husband because she would only wear the “attention to Me” outfits when they were not together. Now, the husband noticing the changes began to talk to his wife about her changes on plenty of occasions but she would down play his remarks or sometimes she’d cuss him out because she didn’t want to HEAR him. See, he LOVED his Queen and he would do anything to get them back to where they used to be in their marriage. Her new found financial freedom made her feel Powerful, so much so that it began to make her feel as though she was just as good as a man if not, better and she wouldn’t hesitate to express that to her husband.  As time progressed her career took off but her marriage was s****y. Her husband was still trying to give her everything he could, make time for her, and be the best that he could……………..For Her. She was on this high, HOME was not first, but whatever was important to her ex: hanging with her friends (you know the ones that she’d complain to about her husband but never told the FULL TRUTH, meanwhile her friends agreed with her, but would love to be with her man) and looking for the latest hang out spots to draw the attention of men. Needless to say everything came to an end when the husband began to realize that he lost himself trying to please his wife and make his marriage work…….So he left. At first the wife felt as though it didn’t matter because she was tired of him anyway and there’s a lot of men out there that would want her. But once she entered the dating scene she began to realize that everything she ever wanted in a man……SHE HAD. She began her escapade to get him back, but once you degrade a man that’s given his all and always kept you first, it’s extremely hard to get him back. She tried so hard to get him back but nothing worked. So she begin to PLAY MIND GAMES like reminding him of the things he promised to do, or TRYING TO JUSTIFY her actions instead of saying ,” Baby, I fucked up,” and she even tried to spin to story around to get him to apologize to her. As you can guess he moved on. He’s doing extremely well. Happily Married. As for his ex, her career is going well but her love life is unpleasant. She’s dated a variety of men but finds herself frustrated. One of the biggest reasons is because she holds on to the guilt from her marriage but she still looks for ways to make herself feel like she didn’t f**k it up. After all this time, she is still looking for ways to justify her actions. Until she FULLY CONFESSES her mistakes she will continue on this cycle. One of the most important lessons a woman can learn from this is chase your dreams, your goals, and positive desires, just remember HOME COMES FIRST and never try to be a man.  Baby, GOD THOUGHT SO MUCH OF YOU that He designed you to HELP Man and to influence and empower him IN A POSITIVE WAY to be better for YOU!

Now the previous example is important because it leads into the next point which is BAGGAGE!  You can tuck it away, you can send a Misleading Representative of who you want us to believe you are, but in some way shape or form, YOUR BAGGAGE WILL BE EXPOSED! A lot of women carry around hurt or shame from their past. The thing is, is how does it benefit your destiny and/or your future? See, when you carry around baggage it leaks into Every Relationship you have. Not only with your spouse/boyfriend, but with co-workers, female friends, family, even your kids. You WILL NOT have any long lasting successful relationships when you carry around baggage. Hell, we all have been hurt and you go to church all the time, and hear the preacher talk about forgiveness all the time, but when are you going to be bold enough to DO IT? Stop making up excuses. Then you have the nerve to meet a man that you’re interested in and you want him to be patient with you because you’ve been hurt. That’s not his job to FIX you, that’s your job, even the LORD says work out your own SOUL SALVATION. You think he hasn’t been hurt? Stop being so selfish. Stop making yourself to be a victim as well. You know some of the situations You created and you fucked up. So free yourself. Forgive yourself and Others and stop being so damn selfish. Next time you’re with your girl friends listen to how many of them talk about what they want in a man. Then wait and see how many of them talk about what they Will Give a man. Most are so focused on what they want because they are trying to make up for their past hurt. You have to realize that you have to seek God for your own healing, HE even says in HIS Word,” Seek and You Shall Find.” By you carrying around all this baggage, you get frustrated with men at the first sign of trouble, or a misunderstanding, or a disagreement, then you go right back into the same cycle of acting disrespectful. Question for you, do you think you’re going to get different results? Typically No! So stop going around talking about getting a Real Man and you are Not capable of knowing what to do with him if GOD gave him to you. Stop making decisions with your emotions. All it takes is a song to come on and you feel as though it refers to your situation and you want to do exactly what her nutty a*s is talking about in the song. You are stronger than that! It’s a Big A*s picture that you’re most likely are not aware of . Example: that same man you loved then pushed out, leaves you and the kids. Now a woman can raise a man child but she can’t teach him how to be a man because she’s not a man. The child grows up bitter but the father wants to be there for him but you make s**t extremely difficult because it’s easier to point the finger at someone else then to take responsibility for your mistakes. The child starts to act out, and now you look for a man to help you. Guess what, he was there from the start, his Dad. He wants to be there but you are still trying to control him by using your child. Finally the child goes to jail. Now he’s in THE SYSTEM. The same system We fought against when we were slaves. The same system We fought TOGETHER against to get equal rights. To All my BLACK QUEENS, WE NEED YOU! YOU NEED US! We are and will forever be The Head of our homes…….The Black Man.

 

(Poem)

Author's Note

Remember, THIS WAS NOT WRITTEN TO OFFEND, BELITTLE, DISHONOR, OR DISRESPECT ANYONE! It illustrates an overlooked prospective on the division of black families. Regardless of your ethnicity, you or someone you know may have experienced these same situations...... Peace