Lover's Lament

This is a poem I wrote in 2009 - my senior year in high school. It was originally meant to be a song, but I thought it worked better as a poem. It made it into the literary magazine that year too.

You're so far away.

I never thought it could be so tough,

When the night comes I think I've had enough.

I'm lying in the bed that we shared,

Always too proud to admit that I'm scared of 

The loneliness that's killing me slowly.

I need to hear you breathing softly beside me.

And I need to know that you're doing okay.

I need to spend just one more day with you

By my side. I know we can face the world.

That one tiny thread made it all unravel.

And I miss you.

Baby I know this is how it should be

But without you I've lost my identity.

Come back and hold me close to you,

And let me feel your warmth in my veins again

So I can go on living just another day.

Just one more day without you.

You're so far away.

I felt like I was flying toward the Sun,

But now I feel the night is coming on.

My future is dark without you to light the way,

But I never thought I'd hear you say goodbye.

And now you're so far away.

Author's Note

Any suggestions that you can make, or thoughts/questions you may have are absolutely welcome. Constructive criticism is most definitely needed...

Reviews

[Drowning with Stars]

This really captures the feeling of heartbreak. The only thing I can think to suggest is maybe putting the "You're so far away" between every stanza instead of just some, because sometimes a little repetitiveness adds style and helps focus a piece more, but I think it's really great with or without that.

[Seshat Nidaba]

I'm bitterly nostalgic of late, adn this while it is in the same vein, made it better, at least for a few nice seconds, thank you for sharing it! It felt like I was reading something very personal.