when will the rain stop 2..

When Will The Rain Stop?

(Adrienne’s POV) A Love Taken For Granted

 

“Life is constantly changing and one must cope with it, not waste time on what had gone and will never come back. My shattered world must go on mending.”

– Catch Me A Firefly by Freda Jayne

 

                The room was dark as the ebony-coloured sky. It had been raining for who know how long already. The arch of heaven was painted black and the moon was of nowhere to be seen. Clouds in the shades of charcoals floating away to follow the wind’s unpredicted direction. In the bare blackness, the diminutive twinkling stars peeked innocently unto the silent earth.

                Not conscious of what was going on outside the forces of nature, Adrienne sat on one of the four corners of his room, dominated in the shades of emerald. His long slender arms wrapped around his legs as his head rested at the peak of his knees. His eyes were shut closed, in an attempt to avoid such virulent vis-à-vis with anything that might remind him of her – the one and only girl whom he genuinely loved. Konstantine.

                The memories were still clear and vivid inside his mind, constantly penetrating through his whole system. The portrait of her lovely and innocent face played in his thoughts like a gentle melody that never seized to stop. How he missed her like hell in all those lonely and idle years that he had been away from her.

                He loved her with all his heart. And he was more than willing to give her everything that would please her, satisfy her desires, and make her completely happy. He had long yearned for her to appreciate what he offered her – his unswerving love. However, it was of no return at all.

He just wanted to sense a tiny spark of hope from her. But she neither showed any sign of affection for him nor acceptance for his love. Not even a glint of chance bothered to tease him in those pristine expressions of hers.

He knew her very well, her heart was never deceitful. This is the mere reason that made him contemplate about where he really stood in the pace of her life. She treated him without much importance compared of that he envisioned her as his entire world. It wasn’t that he couldn’t suffice himself to be only her friend. He could but he won’t. Knowing that he probably would not earn a special place in her heart led him to the decision of letting go. He was scared that if he held on tighter to that unrequited love, it will reach to that point wherein it might be impossible to release his grip anymore. So he left her.

The isolation slowly crippled him apart, a part of him dying day by day. She was the zenith of his life and perhaps his only reason for his existence. He never seemed to mind the viciousness of life for as long as she was there with him. He knew it was wrong to live dependently because of one person, but she was all he cared about. Never mind being rational, love weighed with utmost importance for him.

The emptiness he felt urged him to sought for a sanctuary to ease his solitude. This sense of lament was healed when he met another girl. She loved him and he tried loving her in return the way he had loved Konstantine. He thought that the easiest way to forget someone you used to love might be through loving someone else. But no matter how much he forced himself to believe that he also feels the same way towards the girl who loves him, he knew that his façade is only a temporary one. He could go on making himself believe that he is happy but he could not forever lie to the true beating of his heart. And it never failed to love the same person it had loved years back.

Then he was once again alone. His nostalgia grew more and more intense. For each passing day that he lived without her, the deeper the wound seared. The pain he felt was unbearable and it seemed rather unfair that he was suffering this much for someone who never cared less for him. In the many moments of his life, he constantly questions himself about what was wrong with loving someone too much. And even until this very moment, he has not found a single answer to his own query. Maybe when you love, no reason is possible and no explanation is necessary.

No, he does not blame fate. And neither does he curse God for his misery. Everything has its own reason although he does not completely understand why his case had to be such an ironic one. Part of him blamed himself for not having enough courage to prove that his love was beyond the many hindrances that provoked him to surrender. He had a choice. He could have stayed regardless of how defeated he ended up from conquest. He hated himself for his own cowardice to fight for his love for her.

He was perceived back to reality upon seeing the reflection of the moon passing through the glass window. He was still hidden beneath the dusk of the dark shadows, the silhouette of the curtains. He pulled something form his pocket and raised it to eye level. It was a piece of fuchsia lace, commonly used by girls as a ribbon to tie one’s hair.

It belonged to her – his one and only remembrance of her. He closed his eyes and instantaneously, a vision of her face appeared. Yes, she has the most beautiful smile he has ever seen. Her smile seemed to ease all the forlorn he felt. And as he reminisced, nothing else mattered, only her smile – only her.

He gradually opened his eyes and once again, loneliness and longing crept inside his heart. It pierced through the bareness of his tattered soul. Time hang heavily on his hands, an immense enigma wrapped itself around him. Slowly, the tears of a deprived heart he had been forcibly holding back instantly streamed down from his eyes, flowing down his soft cheeks.

There was no remedy for the wound it caused. His pain will be immortal. His punishment will be unforgiving. In the middle of the darkness on a rainy night, he uttered something he wished the wind would whisper is her ears, “Until now, I still love you, my Konstantine.”

 

February 23, 2004 – June 14, 2004