lola's forty days.. [032108]

 

It’s been forty days since my lola passed away last February 11, 2008.

It was the day of my debut. I was supposed to have a dinner party in Manila but I had to go home five days before my birthday since my lola was hospitalized in Aklan during that time. I had to cancel the dinner party a week before the supposed-to-be date. I wasn’t at all melancholic about not being able to celebrate my debut in such a blissful way. Nothing else mattered during those times but my lola and how we were going to go on with life as a family.

In fact, I think that what had happened was my threshold as an adult. A stepping stone that really changed everything. Through my lola’s death, I learned significantly about life, death, family, and love.

During my lola’s last days in the hospital, all of our family members as well as family friends never failed to visit. They would stay for a chat and from their conversations, I learned more and more about my lola. How she was as a retired judge, retired politician, a member of the family clan, and who she was as a person in general. There were things that surprised me and things that made me admire her more. She was indeed one of a kind. Someone who everyone speaks well of not because she was dying but because she was deserving of all those praises.

                Those scenarios in the hospital reminded me of the book, Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. My lola was Morrie, of course. The person who, even in her deathbed, has continued to become an inspiration to others. Amidst the cancer that caused her death, she never showed us that she was hurting. She rarely even complained about feeling any pain although we were completely aware that she was dealing with it day by day. She would just tell us how uncomfortable her bed was sometimes and that’s all you would really hear from her. She would politely ask us to massage her feet or her hands or her back because she feels tired simply by lying around the whole day. She wouldn’t even pee in a bedpan, she would rather opt to stand up and go to the bathroom even though her body is so weak to even move a muscle. That’s how strong she wanted us to remember her. She remained the person full of pride and dignity, showing us that neither suffering nor death is an excuse to give up on life and the whole package that comes with it.

                Not only is this about my lola but about my family and relatives, too. I became a lot closer to my immediate family as well as to my aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Mama and I would have our minor arguments but we still manage to compromise in the end. I tried to deal with things in a more mature approach the way I see Mama handling the situation that we were in. And I can she that what she was trying to make me realize was that I should be ready with things like this because they just happen in the most unanticipated time. She was training me to be strong and to be more understanding in trials like this one.

My cousins and I have a really close kin relationship since we were kids. But since we started studying in different places, we only get to spend time with each other during summer season when we have our annual family reunion or get together. The teens my age were the ones assigned to stay in the hospital during night time since the older ones needed more rest than us. We would keep chatting until early morning and reminisce about the stuffs we used to do back when we were kids. And we would laugh at it because it reminded us of how silly we were. And it was really fun talking about the good times. I really missed it. I missed them.

                My aunts and uncles would constantly talk to us, those belonging to the immediate family, assuring us that they’re always there and that we should never hesitate to ask help form them. It was really heart-warming. Every time lola would have that low blood pressure and she would turn pale as if she’s having a hard time breathing, those people who were assigned to look after her during that time would immediately text or call all of us and in a jiffy everyone’s crowding inside the room. And then we would all bite our lips and try hard not to cry because my lola hates to see people crying. And we would circle around her bead and line up one by one, whispering our last words for her, never forgetting to say how much we love her. And when her blood pressure is back to normal and when she would breathe normally, we would all sigh in relief and hug each other and then have a good laugh about how lola was really holding on for us.

                But what I would never ever forget is how my lolo dealt with my lola’s death and her dying days. The first day my lola was brought to the hospital, he kept on crying which really made lola upset. She told him that if ever he cries in front of her again, he should just stop going to the hospital and stay at home. Since that day, my lolo never cried in front of my lola even though he was dealing with so much agony because of lola’s condition. He would go directly to the hospital after he has eaten his breakfast and then he would go home for siesta in the afternoon and go back again to the hospital before dinner time. And he would stay there until lola is asleep and then go home afterwards. That was his daily routine since lola was admitted in the hospital.

                Every time he feels like crying, he would stand up and go to the bathroom and cry there. He would only come back when he has washed his face so that lola will have no idea. But I bet she knows because she’s so observant about even the tiniest of details. He would sit next to her and hold her hand tightly. Sometimes, he would kiss her hand and whisper words of endearment because he knows that she hears him well. And I would just stand in a corner and look at them, in an attempt not to cry because I know how hard it must be for them to lose each other.

                Half past three in the morning, after lola had greeted me first on my birthday, she passed away. We were all there, encircling around the bed and holding each others hand. We were certain that she was happy because her death wasn’t at all painful. We just finished praying the rosary and then she was murmuring a prayer and then she just closed her eyes until her heartbeat stopped.

                I guess that even though it was a painful loss, it was also a gift for all of us. Each of us learned something. We all changed in such a way that it was what lola wanted us to be. She wanted to teach us something that would help us to have a well-lived life like what she had. She had very few regrets or maybe none at all. There is absolutely nothing terrible that people could say against her. She was an honest, dignified, and a person with a principle. What I would remember most about her was how strong she was and how much she really loved us.

                These are just some few things that I could attest about my lola and about the last days of her life. I badly miss her. It’s different when she’s there, when I get to talk to her personally or on the phone. I know she’s watching over all of us, guiding us in all our decisions in life. She’ll forever live with us in our hearts, filling our lives with her love.