cold feet.. [032708]

 

            In the bareness of the night, we often feel cold. Thus, we tuck ourselves inside our blankets in an attempt to feel warm. But surprisingly, our feet still feels cold, as if none of the warmth comforting our whole body could reach it. Most of the time, we are so focused of the things that we have been so much accustomed to that we rarely pay attention to those things that need to be observed. Since we do not at all notice our feet, it suffers the coldness of the night alone without receiving comfort form all the other parts of our body. But you know what? Sometimes, it’s not the physical coldness that keeps us awake in the middle of the night. It’s the remoteness that comes from within. It’s called loneliness. It’s a disease that comes from the heart that is hurting.

 

            23 hours and counting.

            It’s supposed to be our anniversary tomorrow. I don’t know why I’m still thinking about it.. or about him. The thought was like a weed popping out of nowhere. Or maybe it’s the dullness of the night. When I am left alone in my room, the lights are turned off and only the sound of the radio can be heard. Yes, that’s the only explanation there is. Plain absurdity.

            I checked on his friendster account earlier this afternoon. Boredom, maybe. But it was also because of my sheer curiosity of what’s happening to him lately. I haven’t had any news about him and I can’t remember the last time I saw him. It was probably a month ago. And to think I was so good in dates and hardly ever have lapses regarding details like seeing him. I abhorred asking, of course. I quitted on being interested. It would only be a waste of time.

            I’m not missing him. I could say these words spontaneously without even blinking. But I’m hurting. A kind of hurt that is caused by nuisance because I know it’s senseless to even bother feeling something for someone who had long been gone and should be forgotten. But I know that this day would eventually come. There’s no avoiding it. A single day where I can once again linger over the pain of my sweetest downfall.

            Does he even realize what has happened and what was lost? I doubt it. I wonder if there are moments if he thinks about me and if he somehow wishes to bring things back the way they were. Saving the friendship at the very least. But who would mind stitching lost patches anyway. I wouldn’t and I bet he’d rather let things be like this.

            So why am I still writing all these crap when I know that it’s useless? I am not hoping that this could change something. No, thank you. I’d choose not to complicate my life anymore. I just need to release whatever emotion it is that causes this hurt. Maybe it’s only for that single day to embrace everything that we’ve been though. And after that, it all goes back to how things were before.

 

            There will still be those sleepless nights when our feet will suffer the bare coldness of the night. Similar to our hearts, one day they will get tired of loving for the lack of receiving.