what failing chemistry has taught me.. [041408]

 

 

The moment my classmate looked at me pitifully and told me that I got a 5 in Chemistry, I could barely hear my heat beating.  It’s as if all the nerves in my body immediately shut down, they stopped functioning all together. I was numb. I was paralyzed. It felt like a stand-still. It’s like I could feel the weight of the whole universe on top of my shoulders. I wanted to scream but I seemed to have lost my voice. I wanted to cry but even my own tears were holding themselves back. I felt as though time hung heavily and my life suddenly was at a loss of direction.

            It didn’t sink in almost instantly. I was bombarded with a lot of thoughts roaming inside my head. My mom was the first in my list of considerations, of course. What will her reaction be? And it hurt me big time knowing that she’ll get disappointed at her unica hija once she hears the dreadful news. That alone sent me pangs of guilt. I could not bear not meeting my mom’s expectations from me. That was absolutely the last thing that I would do.

I do not blame my Chemistry professor. I do not loathe him. And I haven’t cursed him, too. Checking on my record, I haven’t bad-mouthed him a single time. It’s fumy because based from my personality, I would have attributed all the fault on him no matter how incorrigible that seems. But that would be an amateur thing to do. I deserve this. I deserved to fail. Because I did not try hard enough to pass. I did not give it my best shot because I lacked seriousness and effort.

It’s overwhelmingly remorseful but it’s easier to accept it when you have forgiven yourself from your incapacity and lack of sense of responsibility. Although it would appear insignificant, I want my professor to know that part of me is thankful because I now have a better perspective about life, success, and failure. He has earned my utmost respect and I will be indebted to him for whatever this experience will do in molding me into an individual. He told us at our very first meeting in class that he does not only teach Chemistry but be also builds character. I may not be a classic example of Chemistry genius but my character have greatly been influenced by him and by all means, I am constantly trying to improve it.

Much of the great achievers in this world have once been failures. Because in getting things that we want, we don’t always succeed the first time. That’s what second chances are for – not to serve as a punishment but to be a learning experience that we are taught of the hard way.

            Let’s not see failure as something to be ashamed of. And I’m not saying that we should be proud of it either. Yes, getting a 5 and seeing a bold red mark in our transcripts may not be the grandest thing but I guess that just goes to show that no one is indeed perfect. It shouldn’t be a standard for comparing who did well and who didn’t. Nor should it be a source of bias or prejudice that the student is academically weak of lazy.

I believe that it’s not such a shame when we do not reach what is expected of us because the fact that we are human in enough proof that we have our limitations. As much as we would want people to be proud of us, there will be inevitable times when we fail to reach our goals. But these failing instances is not a factor that tells us to stop in constantly aiming for success but rather to improve and to do better the next time around.

It’s heartbreaking to hurt those who have wanted us to become successful and have asked for nothing else but the fulfilment of our dreams. But I guess that life’s like that most of the time. Things happen whether we are against it or whether we approve of it. It’s only a matter of how we perceive its purpose and how we handle it with an attitude that’s coming from a mature and well-rounded person.

For those who are in the same boat as I am, let this serve as a lesson and not something that is dwelt in regret. Let go of the feelings of guilt, shame and self-pity. They will not help you feel better but rather, they will only ruin you. Life doesn’t end with a 5. It’s only a part of the whole enchilada. So, move forward and keep on aiming high.