dying in the name of love.. [041108]

My lolo’s physical health is deteriorating. His emotional condition is: dead. Yes, he had died exactly sixty days ago. What is the cause of his death? Simple. It was the loss of the love of this life. Because his wife passed away that very same and so he died along with her.

He was released form the hospital just yesterday. He is now resting at home but with an oxygen tank to sustain his breathing. He is still taking his medications but he is not helping his own body to respond to it. He is growing weak everyday. Withdrawing himself form the world and from the people around him.

He called my mom via landline while we were having our lunch earlier. He said that he had grown tired of living and that he feels he will not last very long. He misses his wife dreadfully. He yearns to be with her in that so-called place where there is life after death. Paradise, in Layman’s term. He wants to be reunited with the one he truly loves.

In my young mind, I have never ever thought about this. Love was supposed to be a prairie of infinite bliss. It was all too simple. All I have to do is to find my prince charming, conquer some obstacles on the sideways, eventually get married, start a family with a lot of kids, and happily grow old with each other. But what about the death of one of us? It had never occurred to me that the loss of the one I love, death to be precise, is something that I am not exempted from.

I thought it was a natural reaction. Of all the many people that loved my lola, it was understandable that my lolo was the most affected. He wasn’t just being overly dramatic about it. Of course, not! I know it and I can feel it. But what I never really understood was how painful that was for him. The extent of the anguish and depression he was feeling since my lola had passed away.

It’s all clear to me now. He is truly, madly and deeply in love with her. And it’s true. He cannot live without her. He cannot go on with life alone even if he has his kids and his apos and all those who love him very much. He is not the same man without his beloved wife to share his life with.

So now I believe that there is such a thing as a true love. That life is never the same without that person. That you lose all sense of being once the two of you are separated. That there is what they call a living death. And dying even before your time has come. All of these things are true because of the existence of love and the absence of it.

Even in absentia, I know it is my lola that helps my lolo to continue living each day amidst how hard it is. She wants to encourage him to live because she knows that he is still needed in our family clan. Their love story must be known to a lot more people to make them realize what selfless and true love really is.

I will forever cherish this realization. And I will make sure that in the future, I will find a man like my lolo. There is no one exactly like him, I know. And guys like that are quite rare in our times now. But If I just keep on believing that someone is bound to come into my life with a love like that, it will come true. It always almost does.