the failure - chapter 1

a boy goes on a wild joyride for his sixteenth birthday. But what happens when something goes wrong.

The Failure

By Jamie Shen

 

“Wooo! Let’s get this party started!!” screamed the boy in the passenger seat.

The stolen Porsche raced down the road at a speed that no one thought it could go at. On the left side of the road, a shopping centre whizzed past at impossible speeds. On the right, houses were blurred, until they became nothing more than colours flying past.

 “Geez Marcus. Slow down, will ya?” shouted a boy behind the driver seat.

The driver, who was a sixteen year old birthday boy, just sped up.

“What? Are you too ball-less to handle the speed?” yelled the boy in the passenger seat, “Faster, Marcus!”

Marcus, the driver, yanked the steering wheel right, causing the car to skid onto two wheels, and turn into a street.

“Holy crap, the cops in this town really suck!” yelled the boy behind the passenger seat. Ironically, his father was a cop.

Everyone in the car was ecstatic. What was better than whizzing down a street in a Porsche, for your sixteenth birthday?

Halfway down the street, Marcus slowed to 20km/h. When questioned, he answered: “The old f**s on this street are asleep by now. Why do you think I slowed down?”

The other boys praised him for his perception.

“But just a little bit faster, won’t you? After all, you turn sixteen today, Marc!”

Marcus responded by going up to 70km/h.

“That’s more like it!”

Nobody knows what happened. It was dark. They were going fast. One of the ‘old f**s’ had a child.

But they do know that the car definitely hit something – or someone.

Bump.

The car screeched to a halt.

“Oi! Marc. Did-ya hear that.”

“I hope it’s a possum.” Said backseat boy nervously.

“Bit big, ain’t it?”

They got out of the car slowly, and shuffled to the front of the car for an inspection.

There, lying on the ground, hair tangled like a spider’s web, lay a girl.

“Crap man!! Let’s bail.”

“No! Wait!” called Marcus.

“Sorry man. We gotta roll.” Said one of the boys.

A feeling of guilt, horror and nervousness welled up inside Marcus. He had been driving, he had decided to steal a car for his sixteenth birthday, and he was the one who went up to 70. Sweat ran down his neck.

The night seemed to suffocate him, to cover his mouth with a pillow of darkness. The trees on the side of the street seemed to be hands of darkness, surrounding him, mocking him.

“Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!” he yelled.

Suddenly, something snapped inside of him.

I’ve gotta get this girl to hospital! She could die! And it’s all my stupid fault!

Pulling her limp body up, he heaved her into the car. He didn’t care about being caught with a stolen car anymore; he had attempted murder on his shoulders.

Once he had secured her in the car, he drove off faster than he had come.

 

Two days later…

The smell of the hospital was horrible. Marcus had never liked the smell of antiseptic, and medicine. It reminded him of his father’s business before he had died; drug dealing.

Walker general hospital was established in 1985. But since then, nothing very exiting had happened there, a few broken bones, and one case of the measles, but they mostly treated average day cuts and bruises.

The inside of the hospital was medium sized, and consisted of a main hall for waiting and reception, twelve wards, each treating a different injury (mostly empty), and bright lighting whatever time of the day it was.

He went up to the pretty receptionist.

“Hello. Um… can I see… er…I don’t really know her name…but-”

“Just tell me the gender, the age and the incident.”

“Er… Car crash, girl, and I think she’s about my age.”

“You want Mai (pronounced my) Nguyen. Ward seven. Coma and memory loss section.”

Marcus was surprised for two reasons. The first was that up until he had heard her surname, he hadn’t known that Mai was Asian – she certainly didn’t look Asian except for the black hair. The second reason hit him like a sledgehammer. She’s in a coma!?

With only the slightest bit of hesitation, he pushed open the door.

“Hello?”

 

chapter one is finished!

Author's Note

ignore bad grammar.

Reviews

[MadasonBlue]

Good plot, definitely drives readers to follow the story.
I also like how you wove in the past and present, first the joyride and then going back to explain what was going on--that's a sign of talent.
The personalized dialogue (not making it sound like a bunch of robots when it's really just a bunch of teenage boys) is also a good touch.
Wonderful first chapter.

[Fallen Angel]

Omigosh! This is amazing! I'll so be following this! The writing, is good and the plot is just, like WOW!


...I also should get some sleep soon before I go permantly crazy, but this is amazing.