What Do I Want? Honey, I'll Tell You What I Want

desire manifesto in prose poem form

 

I want a world where kids can grow up clean

and straight and undamaged.

I want to live the way I want to live without shame or

nosy neighbours checking me for signs of weirdness or

slackness or immorality by some standard I had no say in.

I want comfort and clarity and the safety to always tell the truth.

I want to know I have a place in the order of things,

and that where I am now is my right place.

I want to dance freely, with all my body parts,

without having to hold the jiggly places still

so I won't entice or infuriate or offend anyone.

I want to be loud and proud and outlandish, and I want the balance

of public opinion to be with me this time,

instead of against me.

I want not to fear being stoned or burned at the stake

or hounded out of town ever again - and honey,

those memories run deep, and die hard.

I want a lover, yes, I do, my body is ripe and full and sweet and hungry

and that's the way it ought to be, woman and man together -

or woman and woman, or man and man, or woman and man and woman

- and man - or cat and dog, or woman and earth, or whatever

combination fits right and feels good.

I want a lover who can look in my eyes without hiding behind mind,

or rules, or pictures from the past, or projections into the future,

who sees me exactly as I am in this precise moment in time / space.

I want a lover I can look at and see clear and live,

without those old movies superimposed over his face that were

projected into my head when I was too young to have any

defenses against lies and brainwashing.

I want integrity, personal space, boundaries that are intrinsically,

inarguably mine, that I need not guard and defend even in my sleep.

And that's not all.

Baby, I want a lot, and I deserve every bit of it too.

I want to plant in season and to reap in season, with plenty of time

in between to feast and frolic and bask in the sun.

I want touch and cuddles, and smiles that come from delight

and not mere politeness.

I want community, to be with like-minded folks who want the same

things I do and aren't embarrassed to admit it, who don't have

snotty lofty attitudes about the unspirituality of desire and need,

and who are willing to want with all of their beings - to want and

want and, like me, to strain their brain cells until they burst

with the pressure of wanting so goddamn bad to live and grow

together in the light and air and space.

I want enough live people on the planet willing to risk

their comfy status quo, who realize that a world where

even one child starves to death is not a healthy world

and who refuse to settle for anything less than a healthy world;

for themselves, for their children, for all the children and animals

and Earth Herself -

and for me, too, lest you think me altruistic and unselfish.

I'm the most selfish b***h you'll ever meet, baby,

don't you forget it; I'm so selfish I want to change the

whole f*****g world just to find me a place to live and thrive

and grow in peace in.

I want to be a woman, without strings attached.

I want the Goddess in my heart and in my womb and raised up high

to meet and match that old white-beard in the sky,

till He comes down off His high horse and accepts Her as His Queen

and partner, and Himself as a juicy red-blooded living God,

Whose creations eat and s**t and f**k and lie down in the dirt

for the joy of it - shameless, and divine as daisies.

I want until I think I'll go mad from the strain and the drain of

not having what I want right now, and yet I go on wanting and

hoping and praying for the future, for the children, do you see?

I want there to be a future and I'm willing to be unsatisfied

and frustrated and disappointed because right now,

the world I want looks impossible.

All the wise men say so, all the books say don't worry,

be happy with what is; adjust to reality or you'll make

yourself sick. But I say, if I adjust to a sick reality,

I will become sick. Besides, if I stay happy with what is,

how will it ever change?

I want it to change.