Maggie May I

A relationship story told in a series of 100-word sections... inspired by 100words.com

 

“I love her too!”

 

“I don’t care! Goddammit!” The heavy glass mug sailed through the air, crashed against the wall and rolled unbroken across the carpeted floor. “Why are you doing this, Stephen?” she demanded.

 

“Maggie, please don’t take it that way,” her husband begged. “It’s just...” he paused helplessly. “I didn’t mean to sound like…” he trailed off again.

 

“To sound like you are leaving me, you mean? What else would you call it?”

 

“I don’t want to leave you! I love you. But I love her too. I can’t help it!”

 

His last word was punctuated by the slamming of the door.

 

 “I don’t want to impose”

 

Now what? The question nagged relentlessly. Maggie tried to distract herself. The book she was reading, a tear-jerker tale of love gone wrong, held her interest until the voice grew so loud she had to turn on the television to drown it out. Flipping channels distracted her only a little while. Finally she reached for the telephone.

 

“Nadia? Do you have a minute? I need to talk to someone.”

 

“Sure, what’s up?”

 

Maggie hesitated. She hadn’t known Nadia long, but she couldn’t afford the long-distance to her older friends.

 

“It’s kind of personal…I don’t want to impose.”

 

“Nonsense. I’m listening.”

 

 “What will I do?”

 

“Men. Fuckers.” Stephanie took a swig from her vodka cooler.

 

“Yeah… can’t live with ‘em, don’t want to live without ‘em…” Maggie began to cry, causing mascara to streak her cheeks.

 

“Hey, girl, none of that,” jollied Nadia. “You’re in public now! Stiff upper lip and dam the torpodees!”

 

“Oh hush, Nad,” said Steph. “You can’t hide a broken heart. Let the world see. It’ll do it good. The world is a f****r.”

 

Maggie sobbed for a few minutes into her napkin, then wiped her face with it.

 

“Oh God, what will I do? I love him! And I’m pregnant!”

 

“How did this happen?”

 

“You’re what?”

 

“Pregnant. I said I’m pregnant. Goddammit, you heard me the first time.” Maggie paced the floor, her face flaming.

 

“Maggie, honey, Jesus, what were you thinking? How could you, I mean, how did this happen?”

 

“Your guess is as good as mine, honey,” she snapped. “My best theory is, you poked and squirted and I conceived. Isn’t that how it usually happens?”

 

“I thought you used an IUD.”

 

“I thought so too. Apparently it doesn’t always work. Stephen, do you have to be such a prick about this?” She burst into tears.

 

“This isn’t a good time.”

 

“Why are you here, baby? Why now?” Maggie whispered, gently stroking the nearly imperceptible swell of her belly. “Can’t you see this isn’t a good time?”

 

She imagined a tiny voice saying, “It’s the only time for me.”

 

Maggie couldn’t conceive of going through a pregnancy now. It was impossible. But, though theoretically pro-choice, she was reluctant to abort. She already thought of the growing fetus as a person. She continued the internal conversation. She imagined the child (a little girl) saying, “I love you, Mommy.” Her throat swelled with unexpected tears.

 

The real trouble was, she wanted this baby.

 

“Who is this?

 

“Hello? Maggie?” It was a woman’s voice.

 

“Yes,” she replied. “Who is this?”

 

“Is this a good time to talk?”

 

“Who is this?” she demanded.

 

“You probably don’t know my name. I’m a friend of Stephen’s.”

 

Maggie’s blood iced. “Oh. Brenda.”

 

“You do know my name. So he’s told you! That’s great!”

 

“What do you want?”

 

“Stephen’s really been hurting lately. Could you be nicer to him? He’s really a sweet guy.”

 

 “What is Stephen to you?”

 

“He’s my friend. Like I said.”

 

“A friend you f**k?”

 

“A friend I like a lot,” Brenda said. “And sometimes, yeah. We f**k.”

 

“I’m sorry”

 

“Maggie, you can’t leave me. Not now!” Stephen was frantic.

 

“Why not now? Now seems like a perfect time.”

 

“Well, we’re having a baby, for one thing.”

 

“I’m having a baby. You’re f*****g Brenda.”

 

“Sweetie, if I’d known you’d take it so hard, I wouldn’t’ve…”

 

“Oh, crap. You knew exactly what you were doing,” Maggie said bitterly. “I am leaving. And this is my baby.”

 

“Maggie, this is my child too. I will be a part of it.” Stephen sucked in a deep breath. “Mags, I love you. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

 

“Sorry enough to stop?”

 

“I … yes. Okay.”

 

“She doesn’t own you!”

 

“What? Stephen, why?” Brenda began to sob.

 

“Bren, she’s pregnant. And she’s my wife. I’ve told you I loved her, all along. I can’t leave her. If I don’t stop seeing you, she’ll leave me.” Stephen lowered his voice, glancing at the bedroom where Maggie was sleeping.

 

“That’s not right!” On the telephone, Brenda’s voice sharpened. “She doesn’t own you, you’re a free human! Love should be without limits!”

 

“I know, but she’s having a baby, honey. Right now, she’s hormonal and territorial. We can’t blame her for that.”

 

“Oh, I can!”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Stephen… I’m pregnant, too.”

 

“One big happy family”

 

“Unbelievable! So the ‘other woman’ is pregnant, too?” Nadia whistled. “I hate to say it, but your life is even better than ‘The Young and the Restless.’”

 

“I hate living in a f*****g soap opera!” Maggie exploded. “I should leave him. But… I want this kid to have a father. D****t!”

 

Nadia’s eyebrow lifted. “Maggie, do you want the guy? I mean, honestly! He’s in love with another woman!”

 

“It’s not so simple.” Maggie sighed. “Have you ever heard of polyamory?”

 

“You mean, multiple partners?”

 

“Brenda has converted Stephen. She thinks we should all live together. One big happy family.”

 

“What about the kids?”

 

“Stephen, it sounds like a weird sex cult. Can you imagine what our friends would say? And our families? Jesus!” Maggie paced restlessly, arms folded.

 

“Honey, it’s not a cult,” Stephen insisted. “There’s nothing religious about it. There’s no leader who hypnotizes his followers for cash. It’s an alternative lifestyle philosophy.”

 

“A sex cult lifestyle philosophy!” Maggie whirled on Stephen. “Where you get to f**k two women, and I have to share my husband! And what about the kids?”

 

“It’s not about sex, Maggie! It’s about shared love without limits.”

 

“Bullshit. I don’t love Brenda. I don’t even know her!”

 

“I’m just a witness”

 

Brenda was older than Maggie expected. She smiled radiantly. “Maggie! I’m so glad to meet you! Thank you for being willing to meet me, that must have been so difficult.”

 

Maggie allowed the woman to clutch her hand, though her flesh crawled. She quashed the urge to bolt.

 

Stephen looked uncomfortable; understandably, Nadia thought. She was here at Maggie’s request, but was determined to stay out of it. “Don’t expect me to intervene for you,” she’d warned. “I’m just a witness.”

 

With a wry smile, Maggie had agreed. “I’ll want a post-mortem. It’d be easier if you were here.”

 

“Is it that simple?”

 

“So what did you think?” Maggie averted her eyes as she stirred sugar into her cappuccino. “About, you know, her?”

 

Nadia sighed. “She was nervous,” she said. “And obviously a flake. But she was kind of sweet and vulnerable. It was hard not to like her, in a pitying sort of way.”

 

Maggie was silent for a moment. “I guess she was sweet, in a sticky way. Oh, Nad, they make the sharesies thing sound almost reasonable. ‘Open your heart and everything is fine’. But is it that simple?”

 

“I don’t think so. The world isn’t structured that way, Mag.”

 

“Like a butterfly”

 

“I’d like a baby someday,” Nadia said wistfully. She glanced at Maggie’s belly, now noticeably rounded. “How does it feel to be pregnant?”

 

“I’m so distracted by the crap and drama in my life...guess I haven’t been paying much attention,” Maggie admitted. She cupped her hands over her womb. “I should be enjoying this. God knows if it’ll happen again.”

 

She paused introspectively, then continued. “I felt the baby move a little while ago. I was mad at Stephen, so I didn’t tell him. But it was incredible. Like a butterfly, soft and fluttery. Stunning to realize… this baby is alive!”

 

“Don’t you care?”

 

Maggie was not surprised to hear Brenda’s voice on the line. She called every day. It was always the same.

 

“Stephen isn’t here,” she said.

 

“Maggie, you know I called to talk to you. Won’t you talk with me?”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not? Please tell me why not! Must you hate me?” Brenda sounded close to tears.

 

“I don’t hate you. But the situation doesn’t work for me. I can’t deal with this now.”

 

“Our babies will be half-sisters or brothers. That matters! Don’t you care?”

 

“I might… someday. Right now, I want you to stop calling me!” She hung up.

 

 

“Her child is mine, too”

 

Maggie lay in the darkness beside Stephen’s silent form.

 

“Stephen? You awake?” she whispered.

 

“Hmph? Uhh…I guess so,” he mumbled. “Whassup?”

 

“The usual thing,” she sighed. “I can’t sleep. This Brenda thing is driving me mad, Stephen.”

 

“Mags…honey, couldn’t you just…”

 

“No, I couldn’t. I need resolution! I need you to commit to me and this baby.”

 

“I am committed. But her child is mine, too.”

 

“So pay child support and visit on weekends! You can’t have us both, Stephen.”

 

“Maggie, you’re tearing me apart.”

 

“Stephen, I’m monogamous. If you’re with me, you have to be too. Deal with it.”

 

 

“Leaving Stephen”

 

Maggie’s mother was shocked. “But you’re having a baby, Maggie! Is this the time?”

 

“Not for six and a half more months, Mom. And there’s a lot you don’t know.”

 

“I’m listening.”

 

“I needed him to make a solid commitment to our family... and he wouldn’t. So I’m leaving Stephen.”

 

Maggie nibbled a fingernail. Let’s see… I need to close out the joint account and take the money… that’s only fair, since I’m the one having the baby… I need to pack, of course... what else?

 

“Maggie, have you heard a word I’ve said?”

 

“Sorry, Mom. I’m a little distracted.”

 

 

“Perverted poly games”

 

Maggie gazed blankly out the bus window. She felt numb. Stephen had been so stubborn. Up until the end, he had refused to concede that a real family needed exactly one mother and one father. He used confusing language and concepts she didn’t understand. He was no longer the man she loved.

 

How could she live without him? An aching lump swelled in her chest.

 

No, this was not the place to cry. She would cry later. Meanwhile, she wished Stephen well in his new life as harem king. They’d find some other s**t to play their perverted poly games.

 

 

“Decide!”

 

“I can’t do this,” Maggie’s note began. Stephen’s heart froze. “I’ve tried to imagine it and I can’t. Okay, Brenda’s being pregnant complicates things. But the bottom line is simple: you want to stay married and have this child with me, or you don’t.

 

“I’m going home to my mom. If you decide you want a normal family life with me, then I might be persuaded to try again. But you have to understand, poly is not an option for me, not ever.

 

“Decide, Stephen. Brenda and the sex cult, or me and our child.”

 

“Ahh, Maggie, no!” Stephen groaned.

 

“I feel like a s**t”

 

“Did Maggie tell you she was leaving?”

 

“No, she didn’t,” Nadia assured Stephen. “She must have thought I’d talk her out of it. I don’t think she knows what she wants. She’s just a pregnant scared girl running home to Mom.”

 

“That’s what I don’t get. She doesn’t even like her Mom.”

 

“Well,” Nadia said wryly, “There is something magnetic about Mommy when you’re in crisis. It’s positively atavistic. She’ll be back in a week.”

 

“I feel like such a s**t.”

 

“You should, Stephen. She deserved better from you.”

 

“All right, I’m an a*****e. What now?”

 

“Give her some time.”

“I have to stop”

 

“What you and I did wasn’t wrong in itself, Bren,” Stephen said. “But I’m married. It was dishonest and against Maggie’s will. I can’t hurt her anymore.”

 

“Stephen, we love each other,” Brenda pleaded. “Can’t we go on together somehow?”

 

“No, Bren. I have to stop. My marriage is too important to me. I care for you, but my commitment to Maggie comes first.”

 

“What about our child?”

 

“I’ll take responsibility and do what’s right. But if you and I ever hook up sexually, it can only be with Maggie’s knowledge and consent.”

 

“Bullshit, Stephen! That’s never going to happen!” 

 

“I hate him!”

 

Maggie dunked her toast in her coffee with a vehement splash. “Don’t do this, Mom! You don’t understand!”

 

“Then tell me more. I want to understand, Maggie.”

 

“I left my husband because he was in love with another woman. That’s clear enough!”

 

“You said your note told him to decide. If you’d already made up your mind, why put it that way?”

 

“That’s not fair! Stephen had his chance! It’s over!”

 

“You’re a grown woman about to become a mother. Think a little more about what you’re doing before you burn your bridges!”

 

“I hate him!” Maggie burst into tears. 

 

“Old Fish, what should I do?”

Maggie wandered down to her childhood special place under a looming cottonwood tree, where the bend of Copper Kettle Creek created a calm eddy, perfect for contemplation.

 

She stared into the sun-flickered brownish depths, hoping for a glimpse of the legendary trout her brothers had spent many unsuccessful hours trying to catch. She had joined the game, claiming this spot as hers, but never baited her hook… Instead, she had long conversations with the huge fish she imagined suspended in the dark waters, ancient and wise.

 

She spoke, as she had so often then. “Old Fish, what should I do?”

 

 

A gift of peace

 

Submerged in murky depths, Maggie felt water swirl through her gills. A transcending peace suffused her. For the first time in weeks, she felt utterly relaxed, her problems receded to the water’s surface.

 

She felt the infant’s fishlike fluttering in the waters of her womb. Perhaps this deep, blissful restfulness was the old fish’s gift. She knew it could not last, and at the thought, she surfaced, spluttering, to awareness.

 

Gasping, she opened her eyes. She sat, her clothing dry, at the roots of the ancient cottonwood. The peace was still within her, as was the answer she had sought. 

 

“Yes, I will come home”

 

“Maggie, telephone. It’s Stephen.” Maggie’s mother’s voice was carefully noncommittal.

 

“I’ll take it.” Maggie took a deep breath. “Hello, Stephen.”

 

“Maggie! Oh, Maggie, I… I’m so sorry. I’ve treated you abominably and you deserved better and please won’t you come home? I need you so much…” The words tumbled out in a rush. Maggie heard Stephen’s desperate, urgent love for her, and her heart softened.

 

“Yes, Stephen, I will come home. But we need to get some things clear between us first.”

 

“Yes, of course,” he agreed, relieved. “I understand, you’ll have conditions. I’ll do anything.”

 

“You might be surprised.” 

 

Imagining her demands

 

Stephen had time to think before Maggie came home, and he already regretted his willing acceptance of her conditions. He loved and missed Maggie urgently and wanted to raise a child with her. But he had his self-respect to consider. How could surrender his very soul  to her selfish demands?

 

His backbone firmed as the clock ticked closer to Maggie’s arrival. Waiting in the car for the train, he imagined her demands. She would stand by her insistence on monogamy, of course, but what did that mean? Never an intimate moment with another human? How could he live that way? 

 

The tide of feeling

 

Maggie unpacked the articles she had brought with her and joined Stephen on the couch. Awkwardness lay between them. This was the man she loved, she thought, bemused. She wanted to believe it was true, yet everything seemed unreal.

 

“Stephen?” she said hesitantly. “Stephen, I… oh, God.”

 

His eyes were hollow with anguish as he reached for her. To her utter astonishment, she fell weeping into his arms. A small detached part of her mind questioned the wisdom of opening her heart before getting her points across, but the tide of feeling overwhelmed them both. His sobs blended with hers. 

 

“I want to savor”

 

Stephen and Maggie lay in a tangle of damp sheets, sublimely sated.

 

“My God,” Stephen murmured.

 

“Speaking,” Maggie giggled breathlessly.

 

“My Goddess… how could I ever want another woman?”

 

“I presume that was a rhetorical question, silly man.” She smiled dreamily.

 

He stroked her cheek and gazed into her eyes, noses touching. “Mags, right now, you are all women, so glorious and complete, I can’t imagine anybody else even exists.”

 

“Darling, that’s all I could ask for… thank you for saying it. Yet,” she mused, “I suppose this moment will pass…”

 

“Let’s not go there yet. I want to savor.”

 

“We’ve got time”

 

“We need to agree on some things. You sprang Brenda on me out of the blue. That was sneaky and disrespectful, and not okay.”

 

“No more secrets,” Stephen agreed. “You’re right.”

 

“It’ll take a while before I can fully trust either of you, but Brenda’s child will be my stepchild and brother or sister to this baby.” Maggie patted her belly and took a breath.

 

“Brenda is in my life to stay. I’ll have to try to get to know her. Maybe I can love her too… it’ll take time.”

 

“We’ve got time.”

 

“Oh, Stephen! I’m scared…”

 

“Me too, Mags.”