The Suspect Of Romance

I saw my toes curling into wet sand
I saw you standing between me and
The place where the sun drowns into a far far land
Pushed away by the nephilic wing spread
Woke up to the alarm sound on the bed

Memories flew like those fallen feathers before I had another glance
You are too good to be real,
Leaving no clues behind, so cruel,
My suspect of romance

Surreptitous search for you among so many imposters
Odds are better with true romance said broken hearts
You are not one of those shooting stars
Couldn't find any complex circular marks
Hundreds of sketches made from your traces
Only persistent part was that f*****g question mark on the faces

Sequestered my past like a swan, from the present
Closed my eyes to recollect your magnificent scent
Opened by your moist lips to find myself on top of the world
To witness the moment when the sun rays curled

Flying so high, yet fell too hard and deep, too hard to quit
No way to measure, please don't mind jumping into it

Reviews

[Ookpik]

Nice poem! some really good images in there, especially the middle stanza. My only critique is that you sacrificed rhyme for rhythm a lot. Not necessarily a bad thing, especially if it was intentional. If not maybe try writing without rhyme? see what you get?

[Pushya Mithra]

Thanks, Aaron. Yes. I did. I guess I got that from Arctic Monkeys songs. I am a big fan of Alex Turner. All of their songs follow a complex rhythm which suits amazingly well for the song, even though it doesn't rhyme too well. It was indeed intentional as you expected. I really hope it doesn't ruin the poem.
I am glad that you liked that stanza. Those are a few of my favorite lines. I am gonna explain what I had in mind when I was thinking of that part and hope you understood the same way.

As you had understood from the first couple of stanzas, it is pretty clear that it was a dream about a girl, who in his eyes looked like an angel(nephilic wing spread) and disappeared before he caught her face as the sun setting behind her was covering her face under the shadow.
He started to search for the girl from his dream, only to find too many girls acting/pretending to be perfect like her. Every single person,who have failed in love, advised him drop the search saying you are not gonna find her. He thinks to himself that she is some shooting star that cannot be found anywhere on the planet. He even wondered if she is from out of the world(crop circles - complex circular marks). He tried to paint her based on whatever he remembers, but only to see all those paintings without any face. Because her perfection is beyond his imagination and left the face for a question mark.
I hope you understood the same way.

[Ookpik]

lol Not exactly the same way, the word nephilic went over my head but I understood the angelic comparison from the references to wings and fallen feathers (awesome image btw) I didn't understand exactly what you meant by complex circular marks from the middle stanza, I had in mind a finger print or rings of tree growth, the marks of the individual incomparable to any others. I don't think i would have drawn the conclusion that you meant corn circles right away but in retrospect it does make sense. I think the piece may still be unfinished? Perhaps to convey what you mean with clarity you can throw in another stanza or two?

[Pushya Mithra]

The poem ended with his true love coming to him and kissing him. That made him fly and fall so deep in love with her and he is asking her to check the depth of his love for herself as he couldn't measure it. I wanted it to end this way, with a happy feeling. I felt that it was his purpose to find "her" and he found her.

[Ookpik]

A very fitting end I think : ) better to leave it on a brighter note then a bitter one 👍