No Longer Here

No Longer Here

 

You are no longer mine,

Your no longer here.

I no longer look in your eyes,

I no longer see your smile.

 

You are no longer mine,

Your voice no longer,

lingers in my ear.

Your no longer,

 in my mind.

 

Your no longer mine,

So I must say,

that no longer,

will I wait,

For you

at the end of the day.

 

Now I must do what I rightfully should,

Write a poem,

on our mistaken love.

 

Author's Note

this is like the break up part from "My first love"
P.S. i know this isn't my best piece.

Reviews

[Sam]

Best piece or not, it's beautiful. Sad and a little lonely but still beautiful. I wonder who the person was. The 'mistaken love'. Who ever he or she was, they seemed to leave a little imprint on you. Still, nicely done!

[P.S I Love You]

This is a sad broken hearted poem. It's a very sweet poem.

[Zane Mathias]

there is alot of broken love on the cafe this is the 5th of the day! great write a confession of ones heat B.P. My Dark He(Art)'s

[Allison]

I like it. It's very sad, but at the same time, it sounds like your ok with letting go. In the 2nd stanza, 2nd and 3rd lines, maybe you could take away the comma, so that is reads "Your voice no longer lingers in my ear,"

[A.Lee]

I actually think this is pretty good. It needs a little fine tuning, but its not bad at all. For example first stanza second line "Your" should be "You're" or "You are". Same thing in the second stanza fourth line and the first line of the third stanza. Other than those things, its fine. I really liked your last stanza, stepping out of the box by referencing the poem itself. Nice work.

[Michael X]

the poem isn't bad, it just feels rushed to post because the quality is
low as far as punctuation and the "you are..should be ..You're"
because you are trying to express most with least.. perhaps ig you took
another hour fine tuning the roughness t would be alot more respectable
to the messege, let me know if you revise this
and keep up the great work you have talent.