My first kill

My first kill

 

 

The thought was scary,

At first,

I thought I was,

Insane.

The first drop of blood,

touching my finger,

driving my mind,

in a haze.

At first my car,

was only speeding down the road,

but then you walked in front,

blocking my way,

surprising me,

making sure that i'd hit you.

I stopped and tried to move,

but you moved as I did,

and I hit you dead center,

only,

you weren't dead.

You were breathing,

you chest heaving.

I ran to your side,

with the blood gushing,

I reached for my phone,

but you screamed,

"End my life! End it now! I deserve nothing! Kill me with this knife, it has history of my family and war. Kill me with honor."

All I thought was,

What is this dude thinking,

He has honor of jumping in front of my car,

And being hit?

And now he's telling me to just stab him?

Making sure that he dies with "honor"?

I walked inside of my car.

Good. I thought,

It's still intact.

I started it up,

and looking at the guy in the road,

I had tears in my eyes,

What was I doing?

Do I want to do this?

Am I really meant for this?

Then I thought,

He told me to do this.

 

*       *              *

I headed straight towards him.

The guy's face before I hit him,

was priceless.

He now has no honor.

*         *        *

 

I'm glad I met that guy.

He helped me figure out,

a new thing about my life.

I'm good at killing.

And now I read the papers,

After all i'm always on the front page.

Author's Note

sorry if it's a bit confusing, i just thought while i typed

Reviews

[Voice11]

It's a great start. edit it a bit more and make it flow and the poem will be magnificent.

[Kyle]

I like it. Especially the twist at the end

[TeenRomance2]

Definitely unique and different!

[OceanTropic]

Holy s**t!!!

I wont lie, I love how this ended!! Its so unexpected, and I really enjoyed how you turned this regular human being "Is this dude crazy??" into someone who enjoys killing, simply because they know what it feels like.

I got a hint of how "he has no honor" meant to the killer that they had all the power, and without power there is no honor.

Liked this piece, good work!! Keep writing!

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I thought it was pretty interesting. I think it is creepy when someone learns how to kill. If you have a blade you can always kill. I would never suggest anyone commit a murder because I will be the one to find you. Good job though. Thanks for sharing. :)

[~AmateurWriter]

This is pretty creepy...I hope it wasn't written from experience...
Anyway, good writing. I like the creepy feeling to it and it's quite good (especially for your age, no offense). Maybe you should think about getting published. Maybe a book of poems? Keep writing! (:
p.s watch some grammatical errors, it makes this a bit confusing

[Jasmine]

hmmm...this is clever, and disturbingly interesting. I like the first few lines and the last section, however i agree with NICOLE E. TURIANO, when they say you need to break it up.
The language of the middle part is a bit disjointed and some of the grammar isn't quite right.
But all in all, some good ideas. Keep it up.

[Matt]

hmmm do you drive often??
heh naaa it was really intereesting to read.
i woulda just killed him

[Aldora Sparrow]

It is slightly confusing, but it works because the narrorator isn't thinking straight from the shock of his crime. My only suggestion is to have more breaks in places so we still have some sort of struture. Otherwise, nice work

[Nyida Strong]

The confusing nature of the piece lends towards the "killer's" state of mind. I like the disjointed feeling of it.