The Lonely Pine

The Lonely Pine

 

A lonely tree,

In a winter haze.

Covered in frost,

Shivering with air.

With his shadow,

As his only friend.

 

 

Reviews

[Lorraine]

It's a little too short but the description is vivid enough to paint a picture in my head. I love the descriptive approach of this poem and the way it remains beautiful in its literal and symbolic sense. One thing, though, I think it'll sound better if you remove "only" in the last line. That way, it won't sound too redundant anymore.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Ruth]

I really like this piece LynLee:) Concise and moving:)
xx

[Manda]

wow this was awesome! it was short but had a strong meaning to it. well done

[Scarlet Pulse]

You entered two different poems with some different words, lines, etc, which I thought was interesting and a smart idea. They are both relatively short so I wanted to give some suggestions. I really liked the title. I think your first line should start “A tree”. (Because the title is the Lonely Pine, and gives us that information). I also like “In a winter haze” for the second line. Maybe you can combine” the snowflakes blowing” and “covering the tree in frost” somehow, because both are very interesting and show imagery. I like the last two lines of the first poem and I like that last three of the second poem. Maybe you can add more about the tree itself. Good start. I enjoyed them both.