how did it happen

I had started setting up my bed when I noticed she was looking at some pictures of me and my dad. I walked over to her and said," that's my dad. He just um,"

"died."

"yeah, he was fighting over seas and was shot by an oncoming truck."

"Your lucky."

"How?"

"You knew your dad."

I stared at her. I may have just met her but I could feel her pain. My dad was either fighting or at combat practice or at the gym. I barely knew my dad too. I turned to her and said," well why don't we change the subject. How bout' we figure out where your sleeping."

"Oh I don't sleep. Ya know I have that job to do all day and night."

"Yeah about that," she looked at me with fear in her eyes,"In order to stay here you can't kill people."

" But do you know what may happen?!"

"I really don't care what may happen. I just don't want a killer in my house. Well I mean someone who kills while she's here." She stared at me in amazement. She took the blanket off my bed and said," good night. and by the way my name is Anna"

"Night."

I had turned my pillow to the end of the bed. I really wanted to ask her a question about how she became a ghost and why she did this. I wanted to wait until morning because I could hear my mom coming. MY MOM COMING! I threw a pillow at Anna and said, "quick my mom's coming!" She just moaned and layed to her back to me. I got worried and hid under my cover. I heard my mom walk into my room. She walked over and shook me. "Sweety are you awake?"

I moaned, wondering if she could see Anna. "Okay good night sweety."

I hated it when my mom called me sweety. It made me feel like I was six all over again. All night I prepared where me and Anna would go, at what time and the questions I wanted to ask her.  

Reviews

[Havatara]

I liked the chapter and where it's going, but it was a little short. Maybe include in the chapter the questions that she asks Anna, and maybe explain why her mom couldn't see Anna.

There were some mistakes. In the first paragraph, when she says "He just, um," maybe you should say "He just, um. . . ." to show more of her hesitation. Also, capitalize at the beginning of a sentence and all proper nouns and pronouns. Another thing would be to add a few commas, like maybe say "Oh, I don't sleep. Ya know, I have that job to do all day and night." It just seems more natural. I also think that the question mark after "But you know what may happen!" is unnecessary. Same as capitalizing 'My mom is coming!' You just don't need it to make a point.

Overall, you did a ver, very good job on the chapter and I can't wait to read more of it. I've always love a good ghost story. Great job and keep writing!

[Nayan]

Perhaps the name of the chapter is out of sync from the content.

[James Watts]

This had a better format. I would suggest to indent the paragraphs and as I mentioned in the previous chapter avoid multiple quotations.

"yeah, he was fighting over seas and was shot by an oncoming truck."("Yeah, he was fighting over seas and was shot by an oncoming truck.")

This is better, and for your age it's not bad.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I thought this was very interesting. I can't wait to read more. I really like this. Thanks for sharing. :)