I got a scar that I'm proud of

Scars.

I took a needle from my pocket

I etched a story in my skin

I took a needle from my pocket

I held it close, I made it sin

I got a scar that I'm proud of

I got a scar i can show off to my friends

I got a scar that I'm proud of

I got a scar in the shape of something beautiful

I got a scar that I made all by myself

I took a bottle from my pocket

I poured another shot of gin

I took a bottle from my pocket

I held it close, it made me sin

I got a scar that I'm proud of

I got a scar I can show off to my friends

I got a scar that I'm proud of

I got a scar in the shape of something beautiful

I got a scar that I made all by myself

I took a bullet from my pocket

I got a gun and put it in

I took a bullet from my pocket

I spun the barrel, I let it win.

Author's Note

please If you took the time to read it, please take like 4 more seconds and review it. its very helpful to me. thank you!!! (and yes, I used got instead of have on purpose, so please no grammar nazis)

Reviews

[Bare trees]

Hey Kayleen, I liked this, I think it's really good but as a musician It feels more like a blues song with its repetitive meter feel to it. As a poem I would take out the first stanza. As a song it would usually go by letters in the way it's setup. (aaba) type of thing.

If you number each stanza--1 2 3 4 5 6 and take out the first stanza you could form it as 2 4 3 6 3. In any case, you did a reall good job on this.

[Lexi Nicole]

Very rhythmic. At first I was little put off by the repetition, but in the end I think it really does wonders for this piece. It turns it almost into a kind of chant which made it a little more haunting. I think all you need to do is watch for typos- there's an 'i' or too in there that you forgot to capitalize. Overall, though, I think this is a great piece. Powerful. Good work.

[Ice QueenJen]

At first, I thought its a bit repetitive, but if made into a song its good. I found this piece sad, and reminds me abit of my story about cutting. Although the ending really packs a punch, and happens to so many when they feel that there is no way out of the pain and dispair they are feeling. Its like the ending of your poem strikes you in the heart with the line: "I spun the barrel, I let it win." This gives me goosebumps - very strong writing too.

[Amy Vaughn]

This is pretty dark, but I absolutely loved it. I loved the repetition, and the way it flowed. I felt like it had a beat to it in my head. It's a very strong poem, which I liked.

"
I took a bottle from my pocket
I poured another shot of gin
I took a bottle from my pocket
I held it close, it made me sin"

That was my personal favorite stanza.

[Jim Parson]

You haven't posted anything in a long while. I'm glad you finally did again. It's a really interesting piece and something completely different than what I've read of you. although your voice is still strong and easily heard, like always. It's a really dark slap in the face and, although not my favorite of yours, it's an excellent, powerful write.

(btw...I finished my deadlined project and have started Little Doll. I'll keep you posted!)

[luciddreamer]

I found this to be a dark and excellent piece...don't change a thing (imo)

Peace
Robin

[Brad]

nice rhythmic b***h slap, we all wear the scars proudly like a tattoo of lyrical pain, displayed for the world to see...rub their faces in it...

[H. A. M.]

WOW! GOOD WRITE! I love the way you put it.
"I took a needle from my pocket
I etched a story in my skin
I took a needle from my pocket
I held it close, I made it sin"
Just the way it's stated made me want to look at more.
The ending was on point for sure!. That made me take a second look.
"I took a bullet from my pocket
I got a gun and put it in
I took a bullet from my pocket
I spun the barrel, I let it win."
That is strong! Good write!

[Norma M Sutton]

It is interesting. I read it without the word my and it works that way too.

[shedevil]

it was powerful and beautifully written the repition made a strong point