Virtual Touch

can it still be touching if nothing is tangible?

Shall I sit and write my troubles down for you?

You, the faceless names

You, the real virtuals

Sometimes, I try so hard to write down what's in my head

Like now, and now and then my emotions surpass my vocabulary

and this is what you get

An incoherent glimpse into some faint feeling I cant explain

Do you enjoy my misery or determination more?

Lets have a little vote

and decide how best to utilize this thing I seem to be

Manufacture me into an object of your entertainment

I reach for your approval

Do you find me miserable enough?

Pretty enough? 

to warrant your pity or your laugh?

Some connective common expression that passes quickly

over the faces I've never seen, staring blankly at this screen

in search of something human?

searching for what I provide

and struggle to find in you?

Author's Note

please if you read it, take four more second and leave a review so i know what you thought of it. thank you so much :)

Reviews

[Bare trees]

You were able to convey what a lot of people think but never say. If only our vocabulary were as easy to unleash as our hands at grasping what it wants. Your determination is admirable. Your looks are fine (dare I say cute) and your curiosity at wanting to know if your writing is reaching anyone is natural and common.

If only we could all know what the other person who is scanning our work is thinking. But as you know, not all who read our words will breathe a word about what they thought. So ultimately, Fran Marie is right, we must write to the point that we are happy with our own writing. As for the question you ask, yes, you do touch people with your writing. That's why I wrote this. Good job Kayleen.

[NoelHC]

Well, thank you for sending me the read request for this poem, I see you have had it on here for some time now.
The words that spoke to me:
Sometimes, I try so hard to write down what's in my head
Like now, and now and then my emotions surpass my vocabulary
and this is what you get

I experience that myself, and when I put my work up here, it is often with trepidation, what will people think of it, of me. It is a risk we take.

It is uplifting when someone does read it, and comment on it. Personally I prefer the ones that mention some part of the writing that touched them, or the ones that will say they didn't like this or that part. So much more helpful than "Good write" and that is it.

Having said all of that, I did find this thought provoking, and well written, and in my case I did find something human in you, sharing these thoughts.

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

Such a powerful write, so emotional.

Shall I sit and write my troubles down for you?
You, the faceless names
You, the real virtuals
Sometimes, I try so hard to write down what's in my head
Like now, and now and then my emotions surpass my vocabulary

Love those lines. Nicely penned my friend.

Kaze~ :-)

[CoincidentalMadness]

This reminded me of those times I would only skim through a piece of writing, and not give my say about it. This clearly illustrates those times that I kinda want to forget, and what I sometimes don't want to say at times when people don't seem to pay much mind to my writing. Good stuff Kayleen, hope to see other good pieces from you. :)

[Jack Kennedy]

This has aged well in time and still a very relevant subject! Great write

[Frontier]

"Lets have a little vote
and decide how best to utilize this thing I seem to be"- this is a great line, kinda funny even as referring to you as a thing, which is true we can very much feel like a thing, unindentified, trying to find something that will say "This is you."
Very interesting theme.

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

I really like this. I do believe that sometimes I can be touched virtually by someone's words. On this website, I have learned that anything is possible. There are people on this website that might need someone to uplift them and to distract them from self harming themselves. I am one of those people that writes relatable pieces for someone to cheer up and realize, "hey, I am not alone." This is something different and I enjoyed reading it. Bravo, Kayleen. :) Keep writing! And one more thing....keep virtually touching all of us. :D

[Petals & Pearls]

I really liked this piece, the style isn't usually something that I enjoy, but I enjoyed this. You captured the essence of your feelings and conveyed it very well. It worked!

[Mike Espinosa]

I like the way you took on this idea. I think addressing the reader and asking the reader questions to make them think about the reasons they read poetry or fiction at all and seeing what the author goes through is a powerful tool and highly effective.

I like the lack of punctuation you use (outside of question marks). However, there is one line where you use a period, line 11, I believe. I think it detracts from the effect of the empty spots of the other lines. But, if you feel like the period there is good, it may be helpful to put in periods or other punctuation in throughout the poem, as a way of making the discrete ideas easier to separate.

The part where you're asking the reader questions repeatedly (lines 13 & 14) is very cool. I like it, but I think those questions could be their own stanza, their own completely thought. If you were to separate them that way, each question could have its own line. Further, I think the last question could be shortened. Maybe something like "Warranting your pity or your laugh?" Maybe "your laugh?" could be its own line/question, too. There are many different ways to take on this section, but I think you've got a great foundation for how to show it.

You did a great job on this poem. You showed the struggle of the author and examined the reader's expectations in a delightful way. Well done!

[NinjaPi]

Wow. I'm speechless. This makes me really think about those times I just read and judge by the writing only nad not by content. I kind of feel like my poety is a bit surface level too. Good poem. I believe it accomplished the reaction it set out to.

[Aria]

slightly angry slightly hopeful and all good. it's funny how we all yearn to break through the disconnect and sometimes put it up there to begin with. Good work, sorry it took so long for me to get to it. another thing about this is that it can be interpreted a few different ways. always a good thing.