Blame; Take Control

Its That God You Dont Believe In

Its That Family Youre Leaving

The Lies That You Arent Seeing

When You Tell Them To Yourself

And How Bout You?

What The F**k Did You Do?

Its Your Life Now Take It

How Much Worse Will That Make It?

You Say Who You Are Is Not Yourself

So Who's To Blame For Your Own Hell

You Say You Always Were Alone

Well If That's True The Fault's Your Own

Yet You Blame God

You'll Blame Your Girlfriend

You Blame Mommy

The Drugs Youre Taking

But How Bout You?

What The F**k Did You Do?

Well Its Your Life So F*****g Take It

If God's Not Real Than Nothing's Sacred

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Please leave a comment if you took the time to read it. thanks

Reviews

[...]

... brilliant!!! ... brutally introspective and thread bare ... i love how you don't mince words ... i love how you address the issue head on ... this verse embodies the beauty of direct and lucid verse ... it startles one and makes one sit up and think straight ... a soul-stirring write ... indeed ... "If God's Not Real Than Nothing's Sacred" ... (highest rating) ...

[NotYourChinaDoll]

HA this sounds like something I would say in my head and wish I could say to my ex best friend and ex boyfriend. It's really cutting. I'm not a fan of the language, but it sure brings the emotion across. This must have been relieving to write. Good job.

[ShayRad21]

I like the last two lines a lot.
to me, it just kinda ties everything together.

[Rick Puetter]

Hi Kayleen,

There are lots of apostrophies missing. A simple fix, but put them in. Also, as far as I'm concerned, the profanity is not welcome.

Now to the content. Yes, many people make their own hell. People need to stand up to the problems that they make for themselves. But I am confused. Does this person blame God or doesn't he believe in God? It doesn't seem like it can be both. So which is it? Yes, and if God doesn't exist, then nothing is sacred. So what of it? Are you mad about this? You can't get mad about people's beliefs. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. You wouldn't want people to discount your beliefs, so you shouldn't discount theirs.

So I would say on the most part you bring up very nice points. However you go too far in parts.

As to the creativity and the execution of the poem, top marks. Very nicely done.

Very best regards,

Rick

[K. Carver]

Brutally honest.
Stop blaming the bullshit you do on everyone around you!
Ha. That's what i'm getting.
Wellll done!

[Abdul Aziz]

You've spoken the truth, in an angry but sincere tone of voice. We keep looking for sacrificial lambs when we're the ones at fault. It is always the easy way out. It takes courage to understand that we are wrong, and it takes courage to admit it.

Brilliant write. With an amazing conclusion!

[JB Murray]

Strong beginning... and a completey fantastic ending!!! ... and I am in love with the lines...
"You Say Who You Are Is Not Yourself
So Who's To Blame For Your Own Hell"

I might have to steal that and use it in one of my songs! Great piece Kayleen!

[Kailani]

Amazing piece! This a perfect, yet harsh view of what many people do and think. It is subtly touching, with just the right amount of harsh brutality and realism to make you really think. The meaning laced in the words is clear, and is made even clearer upon the second read. The piece is touching and cuts deeply with it's truth, and it really makes you think and open your eyes to what's going on. The feeling with which you wrote this is unmistakable. Keep writing!

[Bhavya Kaushik]

It is a very simple, yet very profound and strong piece of writing. I liked the flow of this piece a lot, Great work!

[G. Anderson]

It stings, and is bittersweet.

So it's beauteous.
~Gage

[blood red skies]

Very blunt... I'm speechless much love on this one. Its a slight spit back in the face of the irresponsible.