Next Time, Make a Creative Mistake

same boy

same story

slightly worse 

more perverse

see I was drunk

and you were fine

you put your body 

against mine

kissed me softly

and then harder

what do I do?

you venture farther

this isnt right

this shouldnt happen

oh s**t, my bra's unfastened

internal panic

this is new

take the lead, i follow you

run my fingers through your hair

your creeping towards my underwear

ok this is awkward

time to stop

im sober now

but your on top

one more kiss  wont hurt I guess

how much worse can we make this mess?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Please if you took the time to read it, review it. thanks

Reviews

[JB Murray]

I know it probably shouldn't have... but this one made me giggle a bit at the end. How many of these "mistakes" have we found ourselves in throughout the course of our lives? I've now lost count! The first few lines started me thinking, that I was going to find this piece a bit uncomfortable, with the direction it seemed to be heading. But you so magnificently paint a road we've all travelled at one point or another. This is life. This is love. This is human emotion. this is? A mistake? maybe, just maybe. Nice write!

[Annabelle Lee]

This was perfect. I shouldn't, but I do know this feeling and you captured it well.

[Tai Ryens]

What a haunting experience and the lines are truly blurred, I find it utterly repulsive that a man would manipulate you for sex. From here I get the feeling that the sex is unwanted, yet carried on anyways due to the action already taking palce . . . W ell done.

[Wynter Ignatius]

This borders on a subject I am slightly less comfortable with as I find the matter repulsive - to force one's self on another regardless of attire and drunken state is reprehensible at best. If this happened to you I'm sorry for what it is worth as this is why guys like me get a bad name in proxy alone. Still, you shared this so I can imagine it was to heal or because you have healed and moved on from it.

Any way you slice it take care.

[Kayleen]

actually this wasnt forced its just about an experience and making a questionable decision because i got caught up in the moment. sort of just giving into temptation i guess :P thank you for all your reviews tho! you are awesome :)

[Wynter Ignatius]

We all make them - still, without some questionable decision in my life in retrospect I would not have my son and I can't dare to call him a mistake.

[Jack Kennedy]

I like this one this could most certinatnly inspire a sequel to seduction... Thanks for the inspiration and good read

[Coyote Poetry]

Sometime we can reach a point of no return. Nice flow of thoughts leading to a dangerous point. I like the flow of thoughts leading to the good ending. Thank you for sharing then excellent poetry.
Coyote

[luciddreamer]

Oh I love this....the name of it is part of the writing...almost like a code....yes we are so worried about how people are going to feel about us by what we write or draw or whatever artistic outlet we use....yet we are willing to change our entire lifes our whole existence upon such a small mistake as unprotected sex....we are a strange lot of spieces...I have a theory if the writing I just wrote scared the hell out of me or doesn't make sense to me, etc, etc after I go back and re-read it, it means it was meant to be shared...those are the ones, ironically, I get the best reviews on...

[InkSlinger]

Yup, time to give up drinking... unless of course you enjoyed the mistake.. who am I to judge.. crafty little ditty, enjoyed the rhyme sequences.. Top notch!

[alesuriko]

It was really good at the beginning, the flow and the rhythm was great and I loved the beat behind every word. But halfway through it lost that rhythm and started to feel more juvenile than the rest of the poem. At first I thought you were avoiding punctuation for artistic integrity but then you had an apostrophe in "bra's" so immediately I turned back and critiqued all of the apostrophes you'd missed up until then and for the rest of the poem. So that was one distraction that added to the reading of the poem. I did really like the bra line though, it was my favorite and it really made me laugh. I think the part when it started to lose the rhythm and the pattern was the line "ok this is awkward" it just felt that it was desperately looking for an end rather than letting the poem end on its own. Other than those few minor things, I really enjoyed reading this poem. Well done!

[tynamite]

Very effective use of short lines. Nice themes introduced. It felt like an internal voice and battle. As soon as the line with the boy putting his hand through the girl's hair came, that's when it went a creepy.