Scars and Stripes

bang.

Barely twenty years old
standing in the cold
waiting for the fight
waiting for that night
gonna make your papa proud
when the bombs are going down
look at all your friends running in
heads full of adrenilin
government Ritalin
Boy, you gotta win
gonna be the best
but look now
five rounds in your chest
you're dying for the cause
you're a hero now
but you forgot the fatal clause
barely twenty years old
lying in the cold
waiting for the end
with wounds that never mend

Author's Note

if you took the time to read this please be kind enough to leave a review of your impression of the piece. thank you!

Reviews

[Mila]

This was a very real and powerful piece that moved me well more than some of my most favorite pieces of poetry have. It concise, the message was clear and the story was told through your depth of thought and expression. I'm normally extremely constructive in my reviews, but this was beyond anything I have read on here and I have nothing more to say other than VERY well done!

[A. H. Pinley]

There is nothing attractive about war, but it is part of the human condition.

[Penthesilea De Barbara]

P E R F E C T
I Loved it! It truly messed around with my emotions :) An amazing masterpiece I say... You are super talented!

~Babby

[Michael Howell]

Powerful. The end hits you like a brick wall, I was really moved by this piece.

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

I love the idea of this poem. Nicely penned.

[Dilan Gunawardana]

This is so sharp Kayleen. Awesome work. You should perform it at a poetry slam (if you haven't done so already)

[Richard Linsley III]

This poem takes me back a decade or so to when I was standing Gate Guard duty in Misawa AFB, Japan in the middle of a snowstorm. Frigid weather, poor clothing, but doing my job to protect my fellow brothers and sisters so they could sleep well that night on base.

Given this topic, I would normally interview the writer, to get their takes on a couple aspects of the poem. I'm personally interested in your statement "Government Ritalin." That one is pretty thought evocative, which is a good thing as a writer. The poem takes on a hue of a young man (can be woman too, met plenty of them) that I would characterize as Marine or Army due to the actions being presented. Would love to hear more about what made this poem for you. Personal stories? Friend of a friend stories?

[New Theory]

And all for what do we die, thought provoking. Is the purpose of life just to prolong it??? Brilliant poem although I am asking something opposite of it. I loved your poem.

[jjwilbourne]

I really like this.
I love the turn around midway. It's straight forward while touching on several emotions.
Excellent job.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This really was a great piece. It is hard to be young and in the war...and if you are drafted you can't say no...and then you die fight for the country. The country isn't always right though. It had a great flow. The words were simple. I enjoyed. Thank you for sharing. :)