Plaything

Plaything

A Poem by Kayleen
"

Distortion

"
Love me
Leave me
Lie to me
Cry to me
Want me
Destroy me
Convince me
Ignore me
You love me
Your toy; me
Believe me
Deceive me
Relieve me
Intrigue me
Hate me
Rape me
Date me
Escape me
 
Devastating

I f**k you
You f**k me
Say f**k you
Do you Hate me
I Hate you
Dont believe me
I love you
Can't change it
My drug; you
You cure me
My horror youth
I need you
My only
Confession
Depression
I love you
Obsession
Is this your Deception?

© 2014 Kayleen


Author's Note

Kayleen
Please leave your impression of the piece if u took the time to read it! Thank you so much.

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Featured Review

Nice flow of thoughts. I like the short statements and the honest statements. Hard to decide lust from love. They can fall together if we are lucky. I did like the question at the end of this poem. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I read it.
I thought of adding a few words, but
that would throw everything out of psynch.
It`s probably super as it stands.
----- Eagle Cruagh

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Based on your pattern "my drug: you" I believe "Your toy; me" should be "Your toy: me".

I recommend pairing "My drug: you" and "Your toy: me"
I would pair Hate/Date and Rape/Escape to stay on your pattern of almost antonyms like Lie/Cry

Consider starting a new stanza whenever you shift the pattern.

Be consistent in capitalizing the first letter of each line.

"Dont believe me" should be "Don't..." with an apostrophe

Didn't understand "my horror youth"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
OVERALL
I enjoyed the contrast and the driving beat.
A few technical easy fixes.
In my opinion this would benefit from stronger structure/organization, but has a strong base of emotion/wit and beat.
Nice to meet you.


Posted 10 Years Ago


Kayleen

10 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your in depth review :) actually helpful reviews like this are few and far bet.. read more
Erotic, heartbreaking, confused about love and sex... Again, I really like the concepts of how you write your poetry.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Blunt... to the point... and reminds us how we don't always need a never-ending stream of words, laced together in perfect poetry to get our thoughts across.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Haha I actually really liked this, well done! Good emotion, not too dark, makes you chuckle too... love it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or strong emotional addiction is bordering on obsession; often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety, sounds like LOVE to me! Your bullet point poetic message says it all really – immensely pleasing piece!

Posted 11 Years Ago


i am in love with this one, impactful line after impactful line, I love the flow, how it feels like it's just being poured out of you, fabulous piece :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


Wow. Deep.

Posted 11 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sounds more like an addiction then love to me.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Very blunt and to the point, which I like very much. I love the steady flow of thoughts. Nice work. :)

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Stats

607 Views
12 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on January 22, 2013
Last Updated on July 9, 2014
Tags: relationships, lies, hurt, confusion, sex, betrayal, insecurity, deception, revenge

Author

Kayleen
Kayleen

Anaheim, CA



About
Kayleen. 22. California. I Like Old School Punk Rock, Electro nonsense, and Katy Perry. The Mighty f*****g Boosh. Everything else amazing overseas we dont have here. I make movies, bad decisions.. more..

Writing
Not Capable Not Capable

A Poem by Kayleen



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