Love me Leave me
Lie to me
Cry to me
Want me
Destroy me Convince me
Ignore me
You love me Your toy; me
Believe me
Deceive me
Relieve me
Intrigue me
Hate me
Rape me
Date me
Escape me
Devastating
I f**k you
You f**k me
Say f**k you
Do you Hate me
I Hate you
Dont believe me I love you
Can't change it My drug; you
You cure me
My horror youth
I need you
My only
Confession
Depression I love you
Obsession
Is this your
Deception?
Nice flow of thoughts. I like the short statements and the honest statements. Hard to decide lust from love. They can fall together if we are lucky. I did like the question at the end of this poem. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote
Based on your pattern "my drug: you" I believe "Your toy; me" should be "Your toy: me".
I recommend pairing "My drug: you" and "Your toy: me"
I would pair Hate/Date and Rape/Escape to stay on your pattern of almost antonyms like Lie/Cry
Consider starting a new stanza whenever you shift the pattern.
Be consistent in capitalizing the first letter of each line.
"Dont believe me" should be "Don't..." with an apostrophe
Didn't understand "my horror youth"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
OVERALL
I enjoyed the contrast and the driving beat.
A few technical easy fixes.
In my opinion this would benefit from stronger structure/organization, but has a strong base of emotion/wit and beat.
Nice to meet you.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thank you so much for your in depth review :) actually helpful reviews like this are few and far bet.. read moreThank you so much for your in depth review :) actually helpful reviews like this are few and far between i will fix the punctuation errors. and horror youth i was referring to negative aspects of my childhood. Thanks again!
Blunt... to the point... and reminds us how we don't always need a never-ending stream of words, laced together in perfect poetry to get our thoughts across.
Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or strong emotional addiction is bordering on obsession; often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety, sounds like LOVE to me! Your bullet point poetic message says it all really – immensely pleasing piece!
i am in love with this one, impactful line after impactful line, I love the flow, how it feels like it's just being poured out of you, fabulous piece :)
Kayleen.
22.
California.
I Like Old School Punk Rock, Electro nonsense, and Katy Perry. The Mighty f*****g Boosh. Everything else amazing overseas we dont have here. I make movies, bad decisions.. more..