Creative Writing Passalong Story

This is a story written by multiple people at the same time..it is supposed to be stupid...

It was a dark and stormy night. The shutters were banging against my victorian house. The wind, howling wildly down my chimney and through the trees. I was sitting on my sofa infront of the television watching yet another Seinfeld re-run. Why i watch Seinfeld I will never know. But anyways, I hated being home when the weather was like this. I had every light on in the house, so I wouldn't freak myself out. Of course whenever the power goes out the flash lights get up and run away. I looked everywhere but none were to be found. Maybe they're scared of the dark...ironic. I managed to find a few candles and as I lit them their glow cast eerie shadows along the wall. Suddenly, a noise, barely audible rang out through the house. I stood frozen for a second not knowing what was going to happen next. Then I felt a flash of hot breath glide down my hair and floating over the skin on my neck. Then I opened a door and saw a big white pony with a rainbow over his head. I then realized it was him that was making all the noises. The pony started talking to me and telling me he needed help. I thought I was dreaming so I pinched myself and it hurt so I was not dreaming. I'm obciously on an acid trip or something. Why is there a talking pony in my house if I'm awake? I must have been drugged. But then I saw a zipper on his back. I screamed and ran to lock myself in the bathroom, but the pony was too quick. He unzipped his suit and revealed himself as Brad Pitt. He was so hott but then I wondered why he was hiding in my house on a stormy night wearing a pony costume. Maybe he's on an acid trip? Then I popped some pillsand we went on a trip together to Hawaii. We surfed, ate fruits, lit tiki torches, and did Hawaiian stuff, ut we didn't have relations....he has to work for it. But not that hard...

THE END

Reviews

[M. Keala Milles, Jr.]

You're right, this is stupid. It's hilarious. and it might just be genius. I didn't enjoy it as much as I wanted to...because it's too short!

I like this concept...how did you come up with this? Was it an exercise or just one of those ideas that's too crazy to overlook? We used to do things like this as a warm-up exercise in my improv troupe back in college and it was always interesting to see where different people would take the action, and it is similar in this case.

I don't really know how to review something like this (since you obviously expect your audience to take it lightly). However, I'd like to see this project actually taken to another level with a quality overhauling of your procedure. Maybe you could structure the amount of action, or number of paragraphs or something for each segment of the writing...? Without knowing your original intention, I'm afraid I can't be of any actual guidance.

I realize this is simple and "stupid" and perhaps this singular piece is extremely uncharacteristic of your other [collected] works but I will suggest that you try to add some complexity to the way you write, and also be aware of verb tense ('howling' should be 'howled' unless you change the punctuation of the previous sentence) Innovation like this deserves some diligence and I think if you truly put some thought and some work into the creation you might just develop something you can proudly share (as opposed to what you have obviously posted as a lark).

Happy writing!