The Cookie Lady

How does she make them taste so darned good?

 

Cookies, heaped on a platter, sweet and warm--that’s old Mrs. Barnhart’s specialty.  Chocolate chip, oatmeal and raisin, peanut butter; it doesn’t matter what kind she makes, because they’re all fabulous. At least three times per week, she’ll set a couple of dozen out on her porch railing, and boy, let me tell you, it doesn’t take long for that smell to bring us neighborhood kids running like a bunch of starved cats. Yeah, she’s the best cookie-maker in the whole wide world. Nice, too, but awful ugly, and I do mean ugly. She’s scary ugly, like the boogie man, or in her case, the boogie lady. Her eyes are too far apart, and her mouth’s too wide, sorta like a frog. In fact, if her skin was green and she squatted down, you’d probably scream bloody-murder and go hide under your bed.

The first time I ever saw her, Mom sent me over to take her a letter that had ended up in our mailbox. I couldn’t see her very good through the screen door, but when she opened it to take the letter from me, I saw her real good, and it scared me so bad that I screamed and ran away. Fuzzy Johnson and Larry Smith said she scared them like that, too. Well, hardly anyone is scared of her anymore. Once we tasted her cookies, we just kinda got used to her, you know. Now we call her the cookie lady, and everyone likes her, even though she’s scary-ugly.

One time my mom and Mrs. Pettigrew, who both have aprons that say “chef” on them, asked Mrs. Barnhart what her secret was. Now, I didn’t know it was okay to blabber about your secrets, but Mrs. Barnhart did, and she told them that it was the butter. She said she used a lot of really, really good butter. Well, Mom and Mrs. Pettigrew tried making cookies with a whole lot of real cow butter, but their cookies still didn’t taste like the cookie lady’s did. Poor Mom probably got dizzy-headed from all the heat in the kitchen, and went and said she thought hers were better than cookie lady cookies. She told me that about ninety-nine times, and gave me a look like she wanted me to agree with her. Well, I know about George Washington and the cherry tree, so I just couldn’t lie to her about those cookies. I did my best not to hurt her feelings, though, and told her that her cookies were quite a bit better than the ones they have at the school cafeteria.  She got quiet after that and went to the den with Dad’s bottle of Wild Turkey, so I guess she wanted to celebrate.

Yes, there’s no doubt that the cookie lady’s cookies are the best in the whole world. There was only one time when her cookies tasted almost like my moms, and that was last week, right after her cat, Mortimer, went crazy and wouldn’t come down from the mulberry tree. I should’ve told her why Morty wouldn’t come down, but was afraid Bumpy Moore would beat me up. I’ll tell you why Morty didn’t want to come down from there--he didn't want Bumpy to get him and mess up his butt again.  I know, because I saw Bumpy do it. He rubbed that cat’s butt with a dry corncob until it was raw as an onion, and then dobbed coal oil on it. I gotta tell you, I did not know that cats can run fifty miles an hour across the lawn while dragging their butts. Bumpy, Fuzzy and Larry laughed like crazy, but I only laughed a little bit. 

Finally, Mr. Vincent went up the tree with his long ladder and got Mortimer down. I know that made the cookie lady happy because the next day, she set out a tray of cookies. We all ran up and grabbed some, including Bumpy, whose hands and arms were all scratched up. The cookie lady asked him, “Bumpy, what happened to your hands and arms?”

He stuffed two cookies in his mouth and told her, “Pickin’ blackberries.”

Funny--that was the last time anyone ever saw Bumpy. He was always putting big rocks and fence posts on the railroad tracks, trying to derail a train, so everyone figured a railroader probably got him. Anyway, right after he disappeared, the cookie lady’s cookies didn’t taste quite right. I think she noticed it, too, because I heard her mumble, “His ol’ butter isn’t any good.” I’m sure she meant to say “This ol’ butter”, but it’s hard for her to talk right with that great big frog mouth.

Well, everything is back to normal now, and the cookie lady’s cookies are as good as ever. Halloween is coming up, so she asked me, Fuzzy, and Larry to help her with the extra baking. We all agreed, of course, and now I'll be able to see for myself how the cookie lady makes her cookies taste so darned good!

                                            The End

Author's Note

Inspired by a real-life cookie lady who looked like a frog.

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

Always a joy to read your stories, my friend! I know we've talked of you bringing your stories together in a book. Wishing somehow that it could become real for you and for all of us. You bring the dear cookie lady to life, create a wild world of childhood, joy and pain, and the fragrance of it all fills each line.

[Samuel Dickens]

Thank you. A book is something I've been thinking about. Self-published, of course--just something to share with friends and family.

[An owl on the moon]

I would buy one! Might have to drive down your way for a signed copy, of course. :)

[Angi]

Ha! I will never look at cookies the same way again. Those bad boys have no clue, do they? Mortimer was paid back well for his suffering. You have the best imagiation, Sam! Angi~

[Samuel Dickens]

Thanks, Angi. Yep, ya gotta use good butter.

[Sheila Kline]

Delightful and full of oh so much intrigue and fun!! I wouldn't want to eat any of her cookies......lol And, that poor, poor cat!! I winced triple time when I read about it - even more than when the rascal boy disappeared....lol
People call me "The Cake Lady" - wonder what I put in my cakes to make them taste soooo good - I'll never tell!
Sam, you just can't write a story that isn't absolutely wonderful!!! I know I keep saying this, but I really, really mean it! My goodness, your artwork is exquisite, your writing is super - are you so good in all things????

[Samuel Dickens]

Oh, gawrsh, Sheila, you're going to make my head swell up like a mailbox. I guess I'm fairly decent at a few other things. Basically, I take a lot of pride in my work. So you're the cake lady? Devil's food and carrot are my favorites.

[Sheila Kline]

Yep, I'm the official cake lady in my family! I love baking " from scratch" and like to experiment with putting extra ingredients in - but, I haven't thought of adding ingredients as those in these cookies....lol carrot is oh so good with lots of yummy cream cheese dressing and a bit of carrot juice added in the frosting for an orange tint!!

[Samuel Dickens]

Well you see, you could replace that cream cheese dressing with a bit of bad boy butter. The cats will like it, too.

[Marie]

This is great. That slight twist at the end says so little--yet tells so much. And a lesson is to be learned too. Ugly is only in the mind...there are priorities...

[Samuel Dickens]

Thanks, Marie. Even if ugly isn't all in the mind, it can certainly be offset.

[cartera]

I just love - what I take to be - stories of small-town life. When told by someone who knows it so well, indeed loves it as well as you do, one can only sigh for times perdu. Or are they? maybe you are lucky enough to still stay in such a good place with such good people.
There is a whole lake-full of not woebegone stories in you. Publish?
Love it.
Alex.

[Desert Dreamer]

Oh, my, what a great story...just the kind of story a kid would believe. I do love your stories.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Excellent read! The description was so clear I was right there reaching for a cookie, and cookie lady was UGLY like you said!

[Leave me alone....]

omg, she puts the kids in her cookies!

[The Analog Kid]

Nice write Sam. We had someone like that too, except without the scary ending:)

[Raven Starhawk]

For me there was a charm behind every well expressed line. You build a world that seems so definite and infinite. There is intelligence here. Your brand of creativity is marvelous.

[Fairytale]

This story made me think of a little kid growing up in the fifties. Great job telling it from the viewpoint of a little kid. It's interesting how this woman who was once so scary became the kind cookie lady who gave cookies out to all the kids. Interesting perspective change. I love the fact that you used such a simple theme like the cookies. I really love that. My one bit of constructive criticism is that, somehow, there may be a way to add more flow to the sentences. That was just a thought. Thank you for sharing this story. I enjoyed it. :)