Just Wondering (If)

What right have I to grieve, who have not ceased to wonder? - Thoreau

i wonder why mom always made us use the back door

she said the front one was for company, yes, i believe that is what it was for

she would always remind us to shut it when we went out, because after all, "it's not a barn door"

if i kiss the woman next door where i'm not supposed to, will i get a cold sore

if i have nothing but a milk crate and walls with holes and peeling, lead paint do i have decor

if i ever decide to repaint in this century, should i use benjamin moore

if i don't toss and turn at night, will i get a bedsore

if i don't wash my face before bed or when i wake up, will i get a clogged pore

if i mind, is that the same as planting a claymore

is maine the only state with a city of bangor

if i give you what you deserve rather than what you want, is that called for

if i only love you when i feel like it is that ardour

i wonder who first invented war

which is worse, to hate or abhor

which is better, to love or adore

if i want more, does that make it an encore

if i think i need you, do i have a right to implore

if the devil's a liar, does that mean he's also also a bore

if i do what he wants does that make me a w***e

is it okay to use pine sol to wash a killing floor

i wonder how much time i have left and if it's possible to get more

i wonder which came first, precedes or before

is life just another messy, fruitless chore

if i flush a message down the toilet, will it wash up on a faraway shore or is that just folklore

if i pay no mind, do i ignore

if i'm about to hit someone with a golf ball, do i have to yell, "fore"

is it mandatory to a cut a rug whenever i'm on a dance floor

if i don't care for something, does that mean i deplore

which is better, the library or a book store

if i no longer talk to you and turn my shoulder away during a heat wave, is that a cold war

if i want both, is it no longer an either/or

i wonder what adam and eve wore on vacation and if they ever cursed or swore

oh well, check back tomorrow, i'm sure i'll think of more

and oh yeah, don't forget to review this and give me a high score

after all

isn't that what the writers cafe is for

Author's Note

“As for the pyramids, there is nothing to wonder at in them so much as the fact that so many men could be found degraded enough to spend their lives constructing a tomb for some ambitious booby, whom it would have been wiser and manlier to have drowned in the Nile, and then given his body to the dogs.” - Thoreau

Reviews

[Ookpik]

You know Pete, one thing I've learned (and I won't profess to be some kind of expert, regard this as you will) but one thing I've learned about myself - as I've navigated the world, my life, and especially when I'm feeling uncertain about something - is that I've habitually looked to other people for validation.

We all do this, I think, but I'm most acutely aware of it happening within myself.

I spend time writing something, or studying a subject, earning an income or romancing a girl, and I look to the teacher for an A+. I look to the restaurant waitress to validate the bill on an expensive meal, or to my date to confirm whether or not she's enjoying herself, whether or not the conversation was landing or whether I could expect another date at all.

When I write a poem, I check to see if it's been read and am disappointed if it hasn't. I look at other people's writing and see if my ideas are latent there. I'd go about my business in the world and almost unconsciously check in with an audience that, generally speaking, was almost always imaginary.

People see you, and it matters to an extent (your reputation at work, or in a community does make a difference) but in paying attention to this I also became overly absorbed in that kind of a game.

And I spent a long time carrying myself that way - still do, it's a rather difficult habit to shake - but every now and then it'd register that I was doing it. It'd kind of float to the surface, habit into consciousness, and when I became aware of it it also became something that I could address.

I found, when I stopped looking to others to validate my life, I don't know, I just became lighter somehow. I didn't really know where else to look, whether to search validation from a higher sense of purpose, from within myself, my inherited values or principles, wherever, but I'd stop seeking it from other people and try to get accustomed to not feeling as though I'd need it as I navigated through life.

And after that doing that, again I don't know, things didn't feel as heavy for a while. Things happened naturally or they didn't, and the outcome wouldn't distress me as much. I'd be alone but wouldn't feel lonely. I'd do things for the purpose of doing them, rather than for the indirect benefit of somebody else having witnessed it.

Anyways, not sure why that came to mind, but thought I'd share none the less. Maybe that last Thoreau quote struck a bit of a chord - the one about building pyramids for kings that don't really care about us.

Regardless, food for thought.

-Ook

[Pete]

i can't argue with anything you've said. i was being satirical but don't we all look for some kind of validation in life. true that at the end of the day all that matters is being content with ourselves. i've both had much and little and in a way i'm happier with less. our society is materialistic - all about more is better.

"The fault-finder will find faults even in paradise. Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poorhouse." - Thoreau

i really appreciate your insight and sharing. the bigger our status, the bigger our problems - think of the pervasiveness of drugs, alcohol and early death for the seemingly rich, famous and happy ... :)

[Ookpik]

True isn't it? The grass is always greener elsewhere and we never really seem satisfied with the things we have.

Didn't mean for the big shpeel, either - in some ways I think I was putting into words what I myself have been needing to hear. Might've been that I was looking for an opportunity to give it voice.

None the less, glad to hear the breath wasn't wasted.

All the best Pete,

-Ook

[Thomas W Case]

Powerful work. Fantastic.

[Pete]

kind of you to say. thanks ... :)

[John Sullivan]

I wonder who first invented war, which is worse, to hate or abhor..." Man has killed man since the beginning of time, and probably always will. It's such a shame, really.

[Pete]

i now huh. it's just sick. imagine one day just deciding to take life/lives? how does one even live with that and continue on (which is even sicker) ... :)

[John Sullivan]

I wonder sometimes. I know I couldn't kill my own food. I've got nothing against hunters, the good ones seem to have a real respect for nature and animals. But I couldn't do it

[Ken Simm.]

First impression. You are very weird.
Second impression You are very good.
Third impression: This is as complex and involved a rightous write as I've ever seen.

[Pete]

i suppose there are worse things to be in life. i'll take this as a compliment. henry said that, "Not till we are lost, in other words not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves, and realize where we are and the infinite extent of our relations." thank you kindly ken ... :)

[willweb]

Sure, high score, left once more. : )

[Pete]

lol. thanks ww. winter is too long, too cold, too dull ... :)

[Coyote Poetry]

This is poetry Pete.
"if the devil's a liar, does that mean he's also also a bore
if i do what he wants does that make me a w***e"
I believe in the end. We all become w****s. I made millions for big business and I am poor. I was a cheap w***e. The worst kind. Thank you my friend for sharing the outstanding poetry. I did enjoy.
Coyote

[Pete]

it's a lot easier to sleep with a clear conscience and you can't put a price on a good night's sleep. perhaps honesty is its own reward. thanks coyote - keep howling at those full moons ... :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Pete and you are welcome my friend.