Straight in The Eye

The savage in man is never quite eradicated. - Thoreau

I swear.

No one cares.

I walk down the burning sidewalk.

In this angry, summer city.

Scorching with lost souls.

Drenched with the sweat of despair.

Ambushed by desperation.

The air is light but the burdens are heavy.

They're silently screaming - "I'm here, I matter."

I keep to my right but people bump into me on their left.

Trying to knock me over and take me out.

Perhaps they're high.

Maybe I should just continue on my way and not wonder or care why.

I swear.

No one cares.

It's not even really that crowded.

But boy-oh-boy is the truth shrouded.

There are a hundred doorways to grace.

But no one travels that arduous place.

Don't you dare try to enjoy the day.

Or stop to turn a page.

You'll get a fit of sidewalk rage.

Look straight ahead with a blank stare and beware.

Or look down with a simmering frown.

It's no wonder only angels can kiss the sky.

And no one looks me ...

... straight in the eye ...

Author's Note

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats." - Thoreau

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

so much mistrust in New Yorkers...having been born and partly raised there....i feel this poem...
I remember those busy sidewalks...the abruptness of behavior...the rudeness...better to keep our head down in life ....and just keep to ourselves...
or we are eaten alive...
you really get us there with your description...
j.

[Pete]

thank you jacob. i'm smiling widely because you are very astute. what happens on the seemingly unimportant sidewalks of life is a reflection of us and our lives. perhaps the recent shootings somehow stirred this one in me ... :)

[emipoemi]

I can see very well why you were drawn to "Insomnia". This shares similar themes! I feel the solitude and isolation of this shadow of a character. I too have wandered the streets in this manner. If I may suggest some technical tweaks: don't be afraid to fiddle more with line breaks (there are phrases here that would be all the more powerful on their own line. ie: "They're silently screaming/I'm here! I matter!" - just a thought); and some lines have wonky musicality. Nothing too serious. All you really need to do is cut out some unnecessary syllables, and then you'll smooth it out.

But overall, this is fantastic. Well thought-out, well executed, absolutely well done!

[Pete]

thank you. one of the things i sometimes struggle with is line breaks and organizing thoughts. the stuff just spills out so quickly and i have to go back and organize the feelings and emotions for readability. i appreciate your thoughts. now be careful walking out there - it's a jungle ... :)

[emipoemi]

don't I know it - lol

the trick with line breaks (especially in free verse) is if the phrase carries weight, it stands alone. And the rest (if it's surrounded by other lines) just buffer it. If other words share the same line as the powerful phrase, they tend to undermine the power of that phrase.