Chips with a Bad Dip

Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked. - Warren Buffett

With folding chair slung handily over my shoulder and a days ration of potato chips.

The only thing I needed was a cool, refreshing dip.

Trekked and fought my scorching way down to the nearby shore.

Incoming algae tainting summer fun like an unwanted w***e.

Everyone was afraid to go in, looking horrified.

Wild, pesky spores were vacationing with the tide.

I went in anyway with those most unwelcome visitors tanning my hide.

I tried to find a spot that was clear.

But it was everywhere like an offensive, brown veneer.

Folks couldn't believe the foulness and stench.

It was unbreachable like a battle line trench. 

The sulfurous smell of rotten eggs wafting trough the air.

Women wanted no part of it getting into their precious hair.

It clings to delicate flesh.

And fashioned swimsuit mesh.

I went in an empty-headed, wading zero.

Came out a full-blown, aquatic hero.

Most folks just stood around like a herd of frightened fools.

I emerged after the unpleasant swim with my bathing trunks holding more than ...

... the family jewels ...

Author's Note

"All good writing is swimming under water and holding your breath." - F. Scott Fitzgerlad

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I laughed & hooted & roared . . . the dogs were roused from their mid-morning naps . . . you've shaken up the entire house with this one! I am just starting to review today & I was looking around for somewhere to start. When I saw this in my RR box, I knew I had to start here! This is a great way to start the day, even if you are a little bottom heavy. Reminds me of America's Funniest Home Video clips where kids stick everything down their pants. One time a kid put about sixteen frogs in his shorts. This is what I'm envisioning as I'm reading your poem. Your trunks full of junk! This is a great imaginative hard-hitting commentary. I love the way you reveal your foolishness wholeheartedly! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[barleygirl]

It's very tempting to write on this topic myself . . . there's so much rich material here . . .

[barleygirl]

Your quotes are great, too!

[Pete]

i'm laughing now but it wasn't funny at the time - very disappointing. it was almost 100 degrees out and i went through all the effort to pack my stuff and get down there and i'm greeted with that mess - ugh. it was so hot out that i at least had to go in for a dip to cool off. the stuff sticks to the mesh inside your bathing suit and everywhere else for that matter. not to mention the seagulls attacking my chips on the beach while i was in the brown water. glad it gave you a snicker Margie. stay cool ... :)

[barleygirl]

You're killing me! I'm eating lunch at the computer & now my screen is speckled with rice *smile*

[Pete]

better to have a screen speckled with rice than a swimsuit decorating your private parts with brown algae ... :)

[Neville]

Sheesh... this would never happen on my watch.... psst Pete.. tell me this never happened on my watch...

It is a sad sad world when Man cares more about getting his next tattoo or where to take his next selfie, than he does about the environment & his fellow mans family jewels..... Nice one sir...

Neville

[Pete]

Lol. don't know what this world's coming to when you can't even enjoy the ocean on a hot summer's day. at least the seagulls left me some chips!
thank you Neville ... :)

[Neville]

Not on my watch... surely...
TIs but a pleasure and tis but mine sir.... :)