Innocence Lost

"Through our own recovered innocence we discern the innocence of our neighbors." - Thoreau

I remember the first time I heard the neighborhood kids using strange words I had never heard before with an angry, sarcastic tone.

I remember one of them extending a middle finger upward and waving it.

I remember thinking it odd.

Being awed.

Victim of fraud.

I remember in sixth grade when a boy said he liked "smoking weed".

The only thing I knew about weeds was that my father hated them in the yard and pulled them out.

I remember my first junior high school dance.

Standing in the corner in the dark.

Listening to 'Stairway to Heaven'.

Waiting for the day when I would ascend one.

I remember teenage friends saying they had, "Done it."

Not knowing what "it" was.

I remember them saying they had made it to first, second or third base.

Not understanding that it wasn't baseball they were talking about.

I remember watching T.V. and having to figure it out.

I remember asking my mother why people lie.

If it caused them to die.

I remember handing her clothespins while she hung laundry outside on the line.

I remember asking her why we didn't have a dryer.

I remember playing 'guns' in the woods, building a treehouse and not getting why it was so much fun or so fleeting.

That was long before they cut down all the trees and built more houses.

I remember when I joined the Marine Corps.

Hoping for more.

Looking for a way out of a dysfunctional home and dead end town.

'Til I realized I held the power in my hands to take someone's life.

I remember the nuns telling me to repent and confess.

Long before my soul was a mess.

I remember not laughing when everyone else was and laughing when everyone else wasn't.

I remember crying and bending down for a stray dog that had been hit by a car.

I remember when I stood firm with a clenched fist and didn't waver.

I remember being granted favor.

Savoring the flavor.

I remember who I was.

Just because.

I remember a lot.

Now, my father is in a wheelchair and wears a diaper.

My mother stone-deaf and feeble.

Yeah, I remember alright.

I remember when my soul was intact.

Until my life's essence was attacked.

I owed my maker a debt.

Before the damned world made me forget ...

Author's Note

"It would be well, perhaps, if we were to spend more of our days and nights without any obstruction between us and the celestial bodies, if the poet did not speak so much from under a roof, or the saint dwell there so long. Birds do not sing in caves, nor do doves cherish their innocence in dovecots." - Thoreau

Reviews

[Marie]

Wow! Growing up isn't easy, Pete and you have captured that 'not being part of the in-crowd' who had lost their innocence so early in this very compelling write. It took Irish boys and girls longer to 'catch on' back then, because every other country in the world was far ahead of us in every respect due to the domination/condemnation of the Catholic Church. Once innocence is taken away, life is never again the same if one is too young, to move on from childhood's ways. I am so very sorry to read about your beloved father, that's what happens when we live too long, Pete. My Dad was the same, but he crossed over to Spirit within three weeks and I was so happy he did not linger. He was eleven days short of his 95th Birthday, bless both our parents. We can't forget the past, sometimes it returns to haunt us, but by getting it down on paper, we get it our of our minds and that's a great help. Sadly, we can't erase certain memories from our brain! What a gift that would be! THANK YOU! for being brave enough, courageous enough to pen and publish this poem. You may help someone who reads it more than you will ever know, Pete. Thank you for sharing too. A very dynamic write...

[Re-Pete]

thank you for such an in depth review. i wrote this quite some time ago. it spoke to you and i am grateful. blessings.

[Marie]

Most welcome always, Pete and thank you again for sharing...

[emmajoy]

' I remember crying and bending down for a stray dog that had been hit by a car.
I remember when I stood firm with a clenched fist and didn't waver.
I remember being granted favor.
Savoring the flavor.
I remember who I was.
Just because.

Pete, this could be the most relevant, elevated, sincere, superb and God-given piece of writing I've read in the cafe over ten years. Have dabbed my tears.. no - have wiped away my tears, swallowing hard, breathing as hard.. at what you've listed in such a magnificently simple but genuine way.

Every point might have been illuminated by an old monk who would and could instinctively know how to glorify extraordinary words.

You're a star, Pete. Truly.

[Re-Pete]

em, this is God's honest truth from deep within and i so appreciate you seeing and feeling it. cannot be made up. unfortunately, don't feel like a star. darkness of life has robbed my light. souls, visionaries and wordsmiths such as yourself give me hope and comfort in restoring light. life can harden our hearts and steal our light. i pray God to restore me. blessings my dear friend ... :)

[emmajoy]

Just edited my review, was poorly put because i was still catching my breath.. Pete, when someone can feel and write such simple yet far reaching words as you've done, he should be humbly proud of self.. of showing how vital the Lord is in this often wretched world. Go to a window or open a door and look up and up into the clouds or stars and know for sure, your words are up there. Please.

[Re-Pete]

thanks. will do, em. promise. ... :)

[Lydia Shutter]

This is so powerful. The innocence of youth held for so long even when we did not understand why others had lost it. Then life gets in the way and we realize all is not rosy. Our loved ones pass on and suffer before they do. That's assuming they live long enough to get to that stage. The circle of life....sometimes it seems like a vicious cycle. Your words pack a punch in this one....and it is easy to identify with them. Lydi**

[Re-Pete]

great thoughts on the matter. thanks Lydi. oh to be a child again. life has a way of robbing our innocence ... :)