Innocence Lost

"Through our own recovered innocence we discern the innocence of our neighbors." - Thoreau

I remember the first time I heard the neighborhood kids using strange words I had never heard before with an angry, sarcastic tone.

I remember one of them extending a middle finger upward and waving it.

I remember thinking it odd.

Being awed.

Victim of fraud.

I remember in sixth grade when a boy said he liked "smoking weed".

The only thing I knew about weeds was that my father hated them in the yard and pulled them out.

I remember my first junior high school dance.

Standing in the corner in the dark.

Listening to 'Stairway to Heaven'.

Waiting for the day when I would ascend one.

I remember teenage friends saying they had, "Done it."

Not knowing what "it" was.

I remember them saying they had made it to first, second or third base.

Not understanding that it wasn't baseball they were talking about.

I remember watching T.V. and having to figure it out.

I remember asking my mother why people lie.

If it caused them to die.

I remember handing her clothespins while she hung laundry outside on the line.

I remember asking her why we didn't have a dryer.

I remember playing 'guns' in the woods, building a treehouse and not getting why it was so much fun or so fleeting.

That was long before they cut down all the trees and built more houses.

I remember when I joined the Marine Corps.

Hoping for more.

Looking for a way out of a dysfunctional home and dead end town.

'Til I realized I held the power in my hands to take someone's life.

I remember the nuns telling me to repent and confess.

Long before my soul was a mess.

I remember not laughing when everyone else was and laughing when everyone else wasn't.

I remember crying and bending down for a stray dog that had been hit by a car.

I remember when I stood firm with a clenched fist and didn't waver.

I remember being granted favor.

Savoring the flavor.

I remember who I was.

Just because.

I remember a lot.

Now, my father is in a wheelchair and wears a diaper.

My mother stone-deaf and feeble.

Yeah, I remember alright.

I remember when my soul was intact.

Until my life's essence was attacked.

I owed my maker a debt.

Before the damned world made me forget ...

Author's Note

"It would be well, perhaps, if we were to spend more of our days and nights without any obstruction between us and the celestial bodies, if the poet did not speak so much from under a roof, or the saint dwell there so long. Birds do not sing in caves, nor do doves cherish their innocence in dovecots." - Thoreau

Reviews

[Marie]

Wow! Growing up isn't easy, Pete and you have captured that 'not being part of the in-crowd' who had lost their innocence so early in this very compelling write. It took Irish boys and girls longer to 'catch on' back then, because every other country in the world was far ahead of us in every respect due to the domination/condemnation of the Catholic Church. Once innocence is taken away, life is never again the same if one is too young, to move on from childhood's ways. I am so very sorry to read about your beloved father, that's what happens when we live too long, Pete. My Dad was the same, but he crossed over to Spirit within three weeks and I was so happy he did not linger. He was eleven days short of his 95th Birthday, bless both our parents. We can't forget the past, sometimes it returns to haunt us, but by getting it down on paper, we get it our of our minds and that's a great help. Sadly, we can't erase certain memories from our brain! What a gift that would be! THANK YOU! for being brave enough, courageous enough to pen and publish this poem. You may help someone who reads it more than you will ever know, Pete. Thank you for sharing too. A very dynamic write...

[Pete]

thank you for such an in depth review. i wrote this quite some time ago. it spoke to you and i am grateful. blessings.

[Marie]

Most welcome always, Pete and thank you again for sharing...

[Dara]

It has been awhile since I have read anything that gave such an impact on my emotions. This just flowed as if from a stream of consciousness that was bursting to come out. So powerful so down to earth and most relatable. I will want to save it and read it over and over. A simply wonderful piece of writing!

[Pete]

thanks Dara. glad it touched you - could only touch a good, caring soul. your kind thoughts are well appreciated ... :)

[Esther]

I'm really thankful to Emmajoy for read-requesting this lovely poem. I have no words for it, except that, it's beautiful.

[Pete]

thank you Esther for your kind acknowledgement. it is well appreciated ... :)

[Shweta]

It is such a pleasure to read through your writes.. Won't know where Thoreau ends and you begin or your words and thoughts are intertwined with the poet. I found your long writes soothing and lucid.. Keep it up friend

[Pete]

thank you. your time and thoughts are well appreciated ... :)

[Shweta]

You are welcome..

[heavenscentgirl1]

A beautifully scribed poem. 🤗🙏

[Pete]

thank you kindly for sharing your thoughts. it is appreciated ... :)

[heavenscentgirl1]

You are very welcome Sir 👍

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful journey in your words. Life is a teacher. Some bad and some good. Funny how we will change places with our elders. You took the reader on a honest journey leading to a realistic ending. Thank you Pete for sharing your words and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Pete]

thank you ... :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Pete.

[Derekv]

Beautiful poem, Pete. The world is a dark place, but as children, we perceive it through a rose-tinted lens. Very relatable piece, striking the core of what every person will go through; the sad truth is that everyone will lose their innocence in this world, sooner or later. I often wish the world could be as a child perceives it; free of darkness and pain.

Keep up the great work!

-Derekv

[Einstein Noodle]

stunning ...i believe every word of this ...certainly written from the heart ...how innocent we all once were ..sadly true that it doesn't last long as the "world" tears away at it ... your story draws the empathy from me and connects me to your speaker .. the first person voice works so well .. because its not really all about the "I" in it ... i was blasted when i reached your closing 8 lines .. the turn is such a reality check ... everyone should read this one .. there is certainly something in it for each
E.

[Pete]

we don't realize how much life steals from us & changes us. very complete and astute review. you clearly get it all and left no stone unturned. your thoughts and feelings are well appreciated E. ... :)

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

The world is such a thief and we so generously hand our souls over..to be 'worldly" ...when our hearts and our pockets were full before we emptied them. Your poem brought to the front so many emotions...even as a poet, I cannot explain. It is truly stellar!

[Pete]

you speak a sad truth Queen. we don't realize how much it steals from us. thank you. your thoughts are well appreciated ... :)

[R.J Calzonetti (Siniste..]

This poem is excellent. I believe it should be published.

[Pete]

thank you for the kind review (Jack). your thoughts are appreciated ... :)