Crazy As a Fox

This is a literary satire and is in no way meant to make fun of mental illness.

The doctor said that I needed a check from the neck up.

I had become unhinged.

Squirrelly.

Dizzy and ditsy.

Whacked out and wigged out.

Funkdafied and boffo.

Mad as a hatter.

Loco.

Nucking futs.

Insane in the membrane.

Crazier than a s**t-house rat.

I couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

I was speaking with a sialoquent tongue.

When I left his office, I was met with nothing but problems. 

The first thing I did was go out to lunch.

There were crackers and cheese.

The cheese kept sliding off of the crackers.

Fruit Loops and Cocoa Puffs.

Mixed nuts and fruit cake.

 Duck soup in a crackpot.

Nutella and bananas.

They didn't have their Corn Flakes all in one box.

Were a few peas short of a casserole.

One taco short of a combination plate.

I made a few more stops.

The liquor store said they were two cans short of a six pack.

McDonalds drive thru said they were one fry short of a happy meal.

The hardware store had a screw loose and offered me wing nuts instead.

They were also a few bricks shy of a load.

I stopped at Church but there were bats in the belfry.

I rented a new apartment in a high-rise.

The elevator didn't go all the way to the top.

There was no grain in the silo.

I furnished my new abode with a cuckoo clock so I could lose track of time.

I took up a hobby but couldn't find my marbles.

Tried to take a trip but the train had already left the station.

The ship had already sailed.

I wanted to watch T.V. but the antenna didn't pick up all the channels.

I got cable.

I watched Looney Tunes and Lady Gaga.

Forrest Gump on Demand but he said, "Stupid is as stupid does".

Basketball and fishing on the SportsChannel and saw Dipsy-doos.

A football game but there was too much yardage between the goal posts.

My new place had a pool but I went off the deep end.

People tried to visit me as my light was on but nobody was home.

I bought a new car and it said, "Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear."

Next, I got a pet.

 The wheel was spinning but the hamster was dead.

The only thing left to do was buy a new outfit.

My belt didn't go through all the loops.

I sat around in my new, twisted straightjacket.

Laughing at the moon.

The Shining and One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest were about to start on The Movie Channel.

I flipped out, went wiggity-wack and fell off my rocker.

Guess I'm just crazy as a fox ...

Reviews

[Hebe]

Pete this is absoluely hilarious and so clever, there are so many funny lines...my new place had a pool, but i went off the deep end,.... this was one of my favorites , there was so many lines that made me laugh....you are so incedibly talented my friend... i don't know which is my favorite anymore all your writing is wonderful :)

[Pete]

hahaha. thank you Hebe. i like that line too. appreciate you stopping by as always dear friend.

[Isabella Ivy]

Absolutely hilarious! Thanks for a good laugh! Isabella.

[Pete]

thanks Isabella. glad you got a chuckle. we need to laugh more in this life. appreciate you stopping by.

[Isabella Ivy]

Of course!

[andrew mitchell]

mad infectious clever comedy pete, first class romp inside a normal mind lol

[Pete]

thanks Andrew. pretty hard to define 'normal', especially when it comes to me ...

[andrew mitchell]

lol lol...........

[Shy Joe]

"Basketball and fishing on the SportsChannel and saw Dipsy-doos."
Dipsy-doos. God I love that. Quite a few expressions here I have not heard of. Your poem has rabies, and its bite has infected me.

Great poem and thanks for sharing.

[Pete]

thanks so much Shy Joe. dipsy-doo is a type of shot in basketball or a fishing lure. appreciate your kind thoughts.