Maples trees, stools and unanswered letters

who knew one simple stool would effect a life so much?!

Dear my one love.

I know I only saw you today but you know when you just feel like writing a letter so you pick your favorite person and write them a letter. Well I chose you. I’m sitting under the maple tree at behind the school library. Do you remember the maple tree? Well I do. It was the first time you actually spoke to me. Wow don’t I sound like a sappy thing. I didn’t even know you realized who I was then but you stepped towards me and I stared at the ground. I had been forced to go the maple tree. Everyone knew that it was the make out spot. I wasn’t really into all that but my best friends had made me go and hold her hand so she could ask what his face is out. So I stood there grounding the toe of my black boot into the gourd staring down at the dust collecting on my faded ripped jeans. Then a pair of skate shows topped with clean jeans stepped into my view. You just stood there until I looked up. I met your dark brown eyes then looked back at my little hole in the dirt. Clearing your throat made me look up. All I said was can I help you? Why hadn’t I said something better? I looked back into those brown eyes but this time I couldn’t look away. I felt my face turn scarlet but still I could look away. A sly smile played on your lips. You shrugged your shoulders and walked away. I watched as you stepped out from under the shade of the maple tree and turned the corner around the library. I can’t believe how much has changed since then. I mean I still dress like I can’t afford clothes and your brown eyes still make me blush but they make me blush now because of all my secrets they now hold behind them. We spent every minute together once you finally asked me out on that first date. You took me to watch your little brothers football game. I don’t like telling you this but I hate football, always will, but I promise I’ll keep watching your brother’s games as long as he plays, I’ll do it just for you. Then you took me and your brother out for pizza and some creepy looking pizza joint. To be honest it was the worst first date ever. Not that I have much experience in that region but it was still pretty bad. Did you know that I wasn’t going to say yes to a second date? I honestly thought I was just going to go home and forget about it really. But you had other plans. You didn’t really give me an option. You took my hand after we had dropped your brother home and lead me to the park that was just down the block from your house. I can still remember my hand wrapped in yours. I hardly knew you then but it was nice to hold your hand. I don’t think I’ll forget when we got the park and you sat down on the bench just in front of the empty water fountain and kept a hold of my hand. I sat next you, you slid closer and then was just stared at the empty fountain. It was meant to be white but paint chips had fallen off the angels that were carved all around the base, there was rusty looking spots where the water had sat until it had evaporated. I stared at the fountain taking in every detail. Finally you started to talk. We talked about ourselves then I found myself telling you stuff that no one knew, not even I had let myself realize half of it but I kept telling you. The sun started to fall and I stood up letting my stiff legs awaken before I said good night and headed for home.  You stayed sitting on the bench as far as I could tell. You called the park our second date when I saw you again at school. Then I guess it all just carried on from then. You would walk me home and then stay longer than necessary. Eventually we started to do everything together. People used to watch at school which I wasn’t used to, I liked to just fly under the radar but you were louder and more out there then me. Sometimes I would watch you in class s your talked confidently to everyone, or when you would concentrate on the picture you were drawing, you know I still have the picture you drew of me under the maple tree one lunchtime. I don’t know when, we used to spend every lunch under there just talking and sometimes a bit more. I don’t know I am writing all this, I mean you were right there with me when it happened, maybe I’m scared you’ll forget, I don’t know if you’ll make anymore memories where you are. I hope you hold on tightly to the ones you and I shared, I know I will. I think when I’m finished writing this I will tuck it in your breast pocket close to your heart, so even if you don’t read is you will feel it right there, holding all the memories. Well I back to you and me. You know I will always love you. I know you’ll always love me but that’s because I will never give you a chance to love another.
Can I ask why? You know when you read this please send me a sign to tell me why. I mean I thought you were happy I was happy. I know home life was tough for you, you always compared yourself to your younger brother, and you used to always tell me how he would be smarter and better at sport. I would hold your hand and tell you that you had me and that he would never have me. But now he does, when you chose to leave he got me back I will never let anyone hurt him, I’ll do the best I can to protect him just for you. I just don’t understand how you could kick the stool out from under yourself and let everyone’s world’s crash to the floor along with it. The image of you hanging from the rafter in your garage is the last thing I see at night and what I wake up to screaming, hoping it’s not true, waiting to be told it’s a dream. I realize that won’t happen. You took everything with you when you let your life drift away. I hope you know I hate you for doing it. I know I shouldn’t be angry at you but I can I be ok with this, I loved you so much it hurt and now I am left to love what? Nothing. I get to love a memory but memory won’t love me back. You know when I think about it I blame myself for telling you everything would get better when I knew it might not. Sometimes I think about coming to see you where you are now, but I know that it’s a one way trip and I’m not ready to give up everything here on earth.
I went and saw you today, your funeral is tomorrow, everyone thinks its goodbye and part of me believes this, but you said goodbye the minute you kicked that stool out from under yourself. So instead I’ll keep my goodbyes to myself because I promise I’ll see you one day. I hope by then I have forgiven you for letting me world crash along with that stool.

Ill love you forever, but for now forever might have to go on hold because I don’t know if I can love a memory any longer. 

Author's Note

Ignore grammar. i just want it read, any comments are better then none.

Reviews

[Jack V.]

You did something great. And that something was, you conveyed an emotion. And brilliantly. Job well done. I was able to figure out she died (not by suicide) before you mentioned that. And to have me guessing at the the story's progress is the trick to keeping the reader glued. Job well done. Like you said, clean up the grammar.

[NA]

Wow..an emotional read and the ending was so sad x