Messages from the Future 01

Friday, 25 December 2607

The following is a transcript of the weekly broadcast given by our esteemed dictator for life, Wurtzel Hemingway. May he live forever.

Hello simpletons. This is your leader speaking. I have returned unscathed from the newly established Mid-Atlantic sea colonies. I can assure you that the population transfer of the Purists was a complete success. No one was harmed, and all future conflict has been avoided.

I will always believe that allowing the independent existence of the Purists was a noble experiment. If nothing else, it was a test of the human desire to survive against all odds. On the day the Purist government was officially established, on March 2nd, 2125, their legislature outlawed several modern innovations that they believed were unethical or “beyond the realm of human judgment and understanding.” This ban was primarily a response to the development of effective anti-aging treatments.

We watched their cities gradually transform into living relics of our more primitive past as the differences between our societies became more apparent. They continued to slaughter living animals for food; they slept for seven hours every night; and they each lived until their hearts naturally gave out.

Only two years ago, in June, the Purist president visited me at the Capitol and suggested that abolishing all commercial restrictions and allowing free trade between our nations would benefit everyone involved. He was afraid that the people of the world would come to forget about their history. He told me, “If the world doesn’t know who the Purists are, how can they know who they are? They don’t recognize us anymore – they don’t know where they came from.”

But the world changes so quickly with them. Every Purist that was alive when I was born has long since died of old age – or disease – or accident – or violence…

It is unfortunate. Despite their fortitude, they eventually fell prey to our ancient vices of jealousy and bigotry and hatred. As our population grew and expanded, their world receded. And when the entire Purist state eventually came to occupy the province of California, a mere 5 years ago, they realized how few they had become.

Their hatred began as question. Perhaps it was written in an opinion column in an obscure magazine. It filled their hearts with a secret anger. It was discussed and whispered in their schools and their homes. “Are they human?”

Are we human?! A question, so ignorant and vile, it’s hard to guess at what it means. Why would anyone ever ask it? Because our spinal columns have been artificially reinforced? Or because both of our eyes are removed at birth? Or maybe… maybe it was because we live in a society free of violence and bigotry and hate-filled jealousy.

But their hatred did not end with words.

On October 23rd, 2606, a mob of uncivilized Purists abducted five of our citizens and held them against their will. These abductees were asked to condemn their former way of life as evil, they were subjected to incessant questioning and accusations, and they sustained physical damage when the terrorists forcefully removed their tactile implants.

After several weeks of negotiations and exchanged threats, our people were finally returned and the wrongdoers were punished. Since no irreparable damage was done, all was forgiven.

Then four months later, on February 8th, 2607, Andrew Drexler was found murdered on his own front porch. He had received multiple gunshot wounds to the back of his head. Someone wanted to make sure that the nanorobots that live in his bloodstream wouldn’t be able to repair the damage fast enough; they wanted to make sure that he died.

He was 11 years old. He lived 5 miles from the Purist border.

Our investigation was prompt and uncompromising, and at least one prominent Purist was implicated within the first week.

Instead of allowing us to continue our investigation, the Purist senate promptly voted to secede from the Allied Nations of the World. Our investigation was deemed “biased and intrusive to the point of violating basic human rights.” As you all know, commerce between our two nations was immediately terminated. Barricades were erected. And we posted military personnel along the border and in their main civic centers.

Eventually, war was avoided by the only means possible. Twelve hours after we learned that some of the Purists were planning a violent insurrection, ten thousand of our airships dropped from the night sky and put everyone to sleep. We collected their belongings and their unconscious bodies and transported them to the Mid-Atlantic sea colonies.

Twelve days ago, thirty million Purists woke up in recently constructed cities that line the deepest parts of ocean floor. They are free to live however they want. We have accounted for all of their needs. And they can no longer do us harm.

Please let this serve as a final proof that eyes have always been our source of weakness. Racism, prejudice, lust, jealousy, vanity, recklessness. What power do these vices have without the capacity of sight?

And when has our perceiving faculty ever helped us to be more virtuous? Do eyes help me to speak the truth? Or do they help me to feel sympathy for the hundreds of Purists that die every year from curable diseases?