Civilization Ends at 30

Because sometimes the dark night of the soul keeps on...

Civilization Ends at 30

{I have reached the point
where it has become equally difficult to both 
get out of bed
and stay in it}

ever since the night I walked in on myself
in true form
the terrorism of that blazing skull
My reflection
the issue
A Nightmare about Being a Person

The most frightening word in the English Language is hoard
or throng

because I
got this vision
we are all just dirt

{and so beginneth The Song of I}


the uniting principle
this human thread
we hang on His cross
for sure
see
though some of us are born into 
lovely, suntanned, married, brilliant human lives
there are us born unto
Harlequin Ichthyosis, and die writhing
in God's great Blackness
all in a matter of moments
to be Flain
alone
tHis human thread
we know
and I am worn of any One
who disputes this
I and the rest of You
hang on His loving cross

I do not doubt the suffering
I get the consequential role of faith
I know why You hanged Your Son from a cross
how I and We are all the same One
I have practiced
practiced the deletion of 'I'
risen to heights
where 'I' can cease to be
thank God for this sacrament
I prayed
‘thank the Lord for the privilege of this consciousness’
and
I 
died

I woke up a place unknown to most men Gut Rotted, Trembling, I looked up to the stars and prayed for the serenity and the courage and the wisdom and carried on and I wandered into Bed with Parasites and Scorpions and Demons as I returned to myself I came to see this human thread into me

You see
I looked up to the stars 
in all sincerity
I asked about this human thread, and what it meant for Adolf H
and in His silent Blackness, I was without one doubt
Adolf H was one hell of a child of God

I fastened my proverbial seatbelt
kept my work, healing other Ones
I listened to the song of the Lord
I turned my head up
I folded my hands over my Heart
how I cried
I prayed to God
that He might catch me
as I Fall
I let go
and alighted, alone
in the Valley of the Shadow of Death
with only I 
to go on

it's called the Valley of the Shadow of Death
because You continue to be Flain, though more intensely
the real change
is the Flaying
becometh invisible
I cannot express it if I try
it comes out like Schizophrenic saliva
and so my typical anti-suffering human resource center
is snuffed out
of I
in this sense, everyone becomes a Monster, or at least slightly monstrous
as I have become an Alien inside
I am now a being whom I am asked hide

so now I've lost the thread
and now I've lost the Lord
so now, I am
the Trinity broken, there is one beyond the horde
He is dark, He is proud, He is worn in a way that provokes an energized reaction
He is sore, He is damaged, and He has little to lose 
Inside
I am His white Prevaricator
I am His Black Hallucinator
I am The Residual Skeleton
of This Red And Black erasure
Depersonalized
Derealized
Disanthropized1
Disempathized
Chastised 
and so Weaponized
and so He sings The Song of I
in the safety 
of the Flay’r’s human deprivation chamber
I singeth the song of I
because I am
no longer
My Alienator

Amen

{Hey
What if I took out Your apple
and spilled Your lies on the face of the world?
What if I tore out Your apple
and showed You to all of Our little girls?}

1Disanthropization:  The process by which one sheds human traits and characteristics and thereby one’s connection and belonging to humanity (typically through mental practices, rituals, or drug use, esp. when maligned with their traditional or so-called ‘healing’ methods and philosophy).