Do before you overthink

My mind is clogged with too many thoughts

And so the clouds hide my sun

It's dusk always

Away from the light I add more thoughts

Hoping to reach light

It gets darker thought by thought

I'm tired, "Dusk is beautiful!", I think.

I learn different shades of the dark

Relaxing with the laziness of "no more decisions"

Can I always admire the dusk?

I realize the instability of the dusk

As anytime the dusk can become tomb dark.

So with little light that is widespread

I cinch to give a comfortable try

For each try,  a cloud absorbs darkness and pours

Or it just moves away

Both the ways, it becomes a shade lighter

Some even bring rainbows!

Now with my sun, I don't settle with  brightness.

I dare to face the sun burns.

Reviews

[Vria P Crow]

CONTENT AND FORMAT

Human beings have this tendency to either "overthink" or not think enough. Artists such as writers often have issues with overthinking because of their sensitivity and intelligence. Complacency becomes an epidemic when we fear the consequences of our actions. Therefore, we sometimes fail to make a decision to avoid rejection. Some writers also have an issue with endings. Personally, I have this issue for thoughts do not end and therefore, "...I add more thoughts." The "light" represents clarity and epiphany rather than the confusion of "dusk." There is not a time frame to this process so patience is key.

CONCLUSION

Overall, the concept was delivered well. The reviewer, Abdul Aziz made excellent observations. Honestly, I confuse my tenses as well in short stories. It is helpful when others can point that out. Thank you for sharing!

sincerely,
ria

[underneathme]

Hey yeah, that's what I was trying to portray in my poem :) you explained it beautifully :) thank you so much for that :)
Yeah I mixed up with the tenses :/ It's really grateful to have people like you and abdul in the café :) and all the people in the café have this thing I guess :) to invest time in other's works and submit their opinions on those :)
Thanks a lot for your review and for the time you spent :)

[Vria P Crow]

You are very welcome. Like I said, I am guilty of mixing up the tenses. It is common to feel as though you are in the present when you are writing. Thank you again for sharing! :D

[underneathme]

Yeah you are right :) so let's feel less guilty :P welcome :)

[christina sherin]

cool poem.loved reading it

[underneathme]

Thank you so much for taking time to read and for the comment n :)

[christina sherin]

sure

[Rebecca Garber]

I really love this righting. i am out of time but i will give you another response later on what my thoughts about this poem is. But amazing job

[Abdul Aziz]

Hi. First off, I must say your concept is good. Overthinking leads to thoughts that cloud our brain, and we end up thinking more just to clear those clouds.

I think the lines
"Away from the light I add more thoughts
Hoping to reach light", convey that point very well.

The assertion that one has to face her/his problems head on, and find that sometimes they may lead to beneficial resolutions, is well borne out by the lines
"For each try, a cloud absorbed darkness and poured
Or it just moved away
Both the ways, it became a shade lighter".

I like the content of the poem and its hopeful tone, which never becomes too romantic. Credits to you for that!

If I may, I would like to add a few points that may enhance the readability of this poem:
1. The sudden change in tense from the present to the past is a little jarring, and takes away from the flow of the poem. This may be on purpose, but I feel that changing it back to the present will create an impression of reading the poem as it unfolds in the poet's mind.
2. "I realize the instability of the dusk,
Anytime dusk can become tomb dark." I think the comma is out of place here, and the two lines do not connect. But it can be corrected by a change in punctuation and a proper conjunction.
3. Take another look at the punctuation in general.

To reiterate, I like the concept and the realistically optimistic tone of the poem very much, but it can still be enhanced with some simple changes. Keep writing and keep posting :)

[underneathme]

woah thanks for such a keen review :) and for spending time in my work :) so glad :)
yeah, that was the point I was trying to convey :) you understood it well. Yeah, I thought the past sounded well.I will change it to the present :)
Ooh, I will reconsider the punctuation in that sentence and the rest too :) thank you so much :)

[Abdul Aziz]

You are most welcome :) I only offered my opinion. The decisions are yours to make :)

[underneathme]

Yeah :) this sounds good too as you told :) So I did change.

[Stan Lee]

Great poem. thanks for sharing :)

[underneathme]

Thanks for taking time to read and for the comment :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the way you used the language. I felt like a secret listening to personal thoughts. Darkness can lead us to dark waters or blue seas. We decide the ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[underneathme]

Thanks for accepting the read request :) and thanks a lot for spending time for my work and the comment :) thanks a lot :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.