Ghost.

Ghost.

A Story by B. Howard
"

Gemma deals with the hardship of losing her soulmate to cancer, coping and reminiscing as well as she can.

"

Gemma was currently placed in the middle of her living room. In her dainty hands rested a small picture frame, dust collecting along the edges. With a gentle sweep of her thumb, most of the dirt brushed off of the photography and swayed in movement before falling to the ground. A tear had slipped down her cheek and dripped off of her chin before she could swipe it away, landing directly onto the familiar face that was captured in this mount. Before the devastating relationship with Bishop, there was one more that she had never spoken of. She experienced heartbreak with the abandonment of Bishop, but this occurrence was more shattering. Standing just behind her in this memory was a man named David. David was her very first love - the sweetest of loves that she had ever tasted. They became highschool sweethearts ever since their hands touched as they both reached for some books she had dropped. A smile was all it took for him to gain enough confidence to properly approach her behindhand.

Due to the two of them recognizing the introduction of love, it didn't take long for them to bond. They hardly spent any time apart from one another. If they were forced apart, they were constructing ways in order to reunite immediately. The pair were greedy with attention and hungry for time together - hours upon hours weren't enough to fulfill the needful urge they held. The love they shared became an addiction for them both. The more they felt, the longer they wanted to feel that way. She was carefree whenever their fingers were intertwined and content whenever his lips were pressing against her forehead. Every ounce of insecurities or doubts she deposited within herself ceased to exist as he was filling those holes with his constant affection. What she had with him was something she knew she would never feel with anyone else again. He was the love of her life and the very one she was meant to spend the remainder of her time on earth with.

Throughout the four years that they were a couple, they never fought. They had their fair share of clipped arguments, yet they were ones that didn't last but a few minutes. They surpassed any anger, throwing it all away in the name of love. No amount of jealousy or troubles was enough to make them forget how much they cared for one another. Making up was what they did best, for they had an incredible amount of passion for each other; their hearts were practically bursting at the seams with the love they kept specifically for the other. He would gaze into her eyes and she couldn't keep a smile from her face, even when her cheeks began to tire. Cuddling was something that increased their intimacy and closeness, revealing the thoughts that crossed their mind in the midst of the day. One look and she was reminded of the day they first met. His hand would collide with hers and all was well once more. Sometimes they would sit out in silence and watch the stars together - the company was all they needed to regain peace.

On their third anniversary, Gemma could tell that something was wrong. David claimed to be sick, that it was simply a cold, but her gut feeling wouldn't accept that answer. His breathing was rugged and unsteady while his appearance had paled. She pleaded and begged for him to go to the hospital, but he only caved whenever she agreed to take him herself. It was that very day the two of them found out he had Leukemia. By the looks of his results, his body had been receiving attacks from the cancer for about two years prior to the visit. She went deaf as the doctor explained life expectancy, treatments, what to expect and any information that would be helpful within what was supposed to be the last few years of his life. There was a loud ringing in her ears as her eyes were glued to her partner. Her mouth was agape, but no words were in the process of forming. She couldn't believe this was happening to someone who was such a wonderful person, inside and out.

She stayed by his side through every treatment or rushed doctor appointment that was available. Though the two of them hadn't even planned marriage, she stuck to the vows that she had wrote out the day they found out he was sick. She noticed, slowly, that his energy was beginning to detoriate the longer he was fighting this. She did everything in her power to make his journey a little easier to cope with. She even switched his mattress to where he'd have foam cushions, assisting him in changing positions whenever he didn't have the strength to do it alone. Twice a week, she would change his bedsheets and properly elevate his head in order for him to breathe better. She supplied him with plenty of blankets to where he would always remain warm, rubbing his hands or feet if he brought forth any newfound complaints. If they needed to be soaked or his skin was in desperate need of being massaged, she had no problem in catering to him. Even while attempting to stay strong for her, they shared loads of laughter and happiness together. She refused to admit that he would ever die, especially since her love for him never would.

He seemed to get worse every day that passed - she had dropped out of high school to take care of them their entire senior year. His skin was easier to bruise and cut while he was also susceptible to all types of infections. Healthy was no longer what he could be described as. He began to lose interest in hobbies he used to enjoy while nature no longer intrigued him. All motivation had been lost to take care of himself while Gemma struggled to keep them both going every step of the way, but giving up wasn't an option for her. Even as he began to lose his appetite, she found that he would try to eat here and there for her. His hair began thinning as his strength was draining from him - it was impossible for him to do anything on his own anymore. While this frustrated him, he never stopped appreciating her or her efforts. She would hold him through the nights where he was home or keep ahold of his hand whenever they were in the hospital, weeping silently as he slept. She couldn't understand why this became reality for them.

Confusion could be found on his face and heard in his voice at times, causing a lump to form in her throat whenever it happened. She eased his worries and spoke in a calm, patient voice. She reminded him that she loved him, that she was here with him, that they were supporting one another, and that everything was all right whenever she recognized the panic settling in. His cool skin would turn to a dusky shade as he was now less responsive to her voice or touch. As discouraging as this all was for her, she continued to love him unconditionally. Had he been coherent or the roles were reversed, she had no doubt that he'd reciprocate that love. It was difficult for her to admit that, sometimes, he didn't appear to realize who she was. Knowing this broke a piece of her heart each time. Yet, there were times where he would stare at her and smile or reach out to touch her cheek. She allowed him to take sips of whatever he craved or could tolerate through a straw, keeping each of her touches featherlight and tender.

His breathing gradually became slow in pace, but noisy with congestion. Gurgling and rattling sounds would escape his lips in between. She remained alert as she watched for any signs the doctor had warned her about. Fluid was constantly building in his throat as she made trips to have it drained, selfishly wanting to keep him alive for a while longer. She didn't want him to suffer, but she didn't want to officially lose him. He was still David, she could see the resemblance in a rare spark in his eyes, but he no longer looked like the same person. She jumped as he began hallucinating, sputtering out words or weakly cackling to himself. She would comb her fingers through his hair until he was conscious again - she knew it was almost his time to leave her forever. Her sobbing became more frequent as she saved every photo they ever took together, framing every one and keeping them in a box. She swore to herself that she would never love again.

It was only a day after she had gathered all of the pictures that he passed. She felt as hollow as a log and as empty as an endless void. Tears refused to halt their movements as they overwhelmed her cheeks. She didn't want to let go. It wasn't fair how she found the love of her life just to have that chapter end so abruptly. There wasn't enough time in the world to enjoy it with the one people were meant to be with. The way she saw it, one only had that special person to spend forever with and that was it. Who was she to deserve someone half as amazing as he was? After his funeral, she recovered a folded piece of paper that had been slipped into the box she had packed full of their memories together. She instantly recognized David's handwriting as her eyes flew across the paper desperately.

"Dearest Gemma, if you're reading this, then I'm afraid I didn't get to make it to the big 2-0 with you. I want you to know that I couldn't have asked for a more amazing woman. The day we met, I knew there was something special about you, I just couldn't figure out what it was. Now I know and I'd do it all over again, even if it meant just to know you. Thank you for loving me in my sickness and taking care of me for as long as I live. You would've made the most gorgeous bride. I was so lucky to have you as mine for these last four years. If I could turn back time, I would've met you so much sooner. Thank you for the best years of my life. You are irreplaceable and you are so strong. Love you always, David."

Gemma's hands were shaking as she read over the letter. She held the writing to her chest as she broke down again. She couldn't muster up the courage or the strength to return any phone calls she received. She ignored her psychic's calls - who she found out about after realizing who and what she was shortly after two years of her and David being together. Her mental state spiraled downwards as she was faced with a deep depression. Most days, it was all she could do to roll out of bed. She didn't want any of her friends or remaining family to see her like this. Being weak was something she wasn't used to and she didn't want anyone else to have to see her this way, either. What she didn't know, was that David's spirit was fighting the afterlife. With a burning love for her and determination for their future, he ended up somewhere in between life and death.

He appeared to her on a rainy night, though she first assumed she was seeing things. Whenever he didn't vanish, she slowly lifted her head from the pillow, rubbing at her weary eyes. This wasn't her mind playing tricks on her anymore. She sat upright at the edge of her bed as he flashed such a warm smile in her direction. "My love, I've returned for you. I want you and I want us. I couldn't stand to see you move on without me. I don't want anyone making you happy but me." He admitted to her, his words lifting her spirits and playing symphonies to her ears. His eyes were pale and his figure was nearly translucent, but she didn't care.

"I don't want to move on. I don't want anyone but you." She confessed in return as he moved to embrace her. It stung to know that she couldn't actually feel his arms around her - she had to bring back the past and re-imagine what it was like to be surrounded in his comforting hugs. He stayed with her for weeks, though she was the only one who could see or hear him. When she brought her hand up to his cheek, she trembled with an overwhelming amount of grief as she realized he was now incapable of feeling. Physically and emotionally, he had been changed by death. The two of them ignored the fact that they could not go on this way. They were caught up in what used to be and what could've been, had cancer not taken him away from her. It wasn't until it became torture for her that she tried to encourage him to move on to the other side.

They could not create the past, nor could they create a future together. Seeing him, but not being able to touch him or feel him touch her was only bringing her more pain. Knowing that he couldn't feel his love for her only drowned her in sorrow. "I will never stop loving you." She promised, watching as he silently agreed to go. They both knew this was for the best. Even as months went by, she thought of him every day. In everything she did or everyone she met, she either saw his face or heard his voice. She recognized parts of his personality in other people and gawked at the hobbies he was once interested in. Her heart was no longer burdened with the heavy weight of grieving him, for she was now able to move on - no matter who came and went, she would always keep him in her heart, mind, and soul.

With a bright light, she was forced back to present time. She blinked several times before she stood, picture still in hand. She dried the tear that had fallen upon the photo and placed it back within the box. She folded it appropriately before storing it safely within her closet, a small sigh releasing from her darkened lips. She would keep the memory of him alive and remind herself to cherish the times she was able to spend with him. It was fate that they had even met and luck that he wanted to be with her for all of those years. Though there would never be another David, there would be someone waiting to treat her right one day.

© 2018 B. Howard


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Added on August 2, 2018
Last Updated on August 2, 2018
Tags: cancer, illness, love, depression, reality

Author

B. Howard
B. Howard

Salem, IL



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