Princess and her dream

A princess dreams about the guy she adores not knowing why she's dreaming of him

A princess dreams about the guy she adores not knowing why. She's seen him before in a show he's really popular all over the world. When she dreams she's really happy, they look so close nearly in love, he smiles hugely at her while she gives him the same look, they have fun like little kids. He shows her a good time having freedom no problem at all, they seem to have chemistry like they've met before, see loves him more than anything and loves him like the world, she doesn't know why she's dreaming if him all the time. They seem really close nearly in love. He shows her freedom and so much happiness that nothing in the world can break them apart. She loves him more than anything she feels like they've met before, the way he is with her is best friends and really close, they fool around and laugh having no worry, she dreams of him at night not knowing why , she's looking for answers on why she's dreaming of him.. She wants help knowing why she's having these dreams.

Reviews

[Danielle]

I got your request to review this, so here goes. This reads more like a quick synopsis of a work in progress. You need to provide "scenes" that show, rather than tell, the emotions and general view of these characters. There are a few repeated lines which tend to take away from the piece instead of adding to it. Especially in poetry it is more important sometimes to let it be real but also give it depth, meaning, some kind of symbolism that evokes the emotion it's showing. I hope you edit and revise this since the subject is very sweet and endearing. Hope this review is what you were looking for as this piece has been thoroughly reviewed and I don't believe I'm adding anything new. As always, return the favor :) Keep writing!

[Elena]

thank you for the sweet compliments, i will keep improving my skills!

[Ania L]

Agree with Danielle, promising work though x

[roarke]

Life is made of moments. Each individual strings them together into their personal stories. Dreams are very personal, individual, even metaphysical. Get personal with this piece. The "length" or the "showing vs telling" is not the point. Don't get caught up in the circles. Deal with the archetypes here, dreams, love, princess, freedom, childhood, love, get personal with these. Don't set a word limit. Get all of it out and worry about the rest in edits and rewrites. If you ask a question in your narrative, answer it, it will be the same questions your reader will come up with. So to recap, let the story simmer, re-read it, answer the questions and get personal... watch the magic ensue.

[Bob Sherunkle]

Val,write they way you want to write.I liked it.

[Elena]

i may write the same thing but with more of it

[Abeer until dawn]

I couldn't agree more with the previous constructive criticism though I find your idea quite interesting, only a young and passionate heart can find a new way to ask the same old questions which never meant to be answered ...

Good luck, keep writing.

[RenatoRojo]

some here say to expand the imagery but I appreciate the simplicity of it for it allows my mind to fill in the gaps. In my opinion, a poem should be about emotion and I would like to see more of that. How that smile made you feel, how you felt free in his company, how those dreams made you fell and so on. Though its a good start :)

[fireblossom]

This short little piece reveals a young woman's heart and that makes it beautiful. I hear innocence and wonder, both in short supply these days. There were a few grammar and spelling issues but then again it isn't a finished work yet is it.

Nice writing.

[Lisa]

Val, I'd love to see the changes Danielle suggested. Let me review it for the next edit.

[Elena]

to everyone saying the same thing, i understand it and i really appreciate it!, its just my first time, but i will get better at it!