Pie

I love Doctor Seuss, so i tried to imitate his writing style in this random little poem. I'm also trying to add more variety in my writing, seeing as most of the stuff I have up is depressing...enjoy

Pie is so good,

I would eat it everyday, if i could

But soon i'd get fat

And i'd rather have nothing to do with that

So for now i will eat it in my head

Because if you eat too much, you'll be dead

And i wont sacrifice that,

For a midnight snack

But the temptation lingers

So i submerge my fingers

Into the abyss of sweet-toothed heaven

And once quickly turns into seven

When i awake from the daze,

And see through the haze

I find myself in a pool of pie....

And i think that i will die

Though my insides are churning,

I still feel a yearning

To cut one more slice

But another wont feel nice

So my lesson is learned

And the tables are turned

Now pie doesn't sound so good...

Reviews

[Truman S. Booth]

One of the things Dr. Seuss was most famous for, aside from his creative rhymes, was his perfect rhythm. This is a charming piece, but if you ever get another Seussy urge, I encourage you to try adding meter. It's more fun than it sounds, especially if you read some of his stuff and get into the flow.

The poem was very funny though, and you have great gift for rhyme.

[Baz]

Very nice and very funny, prim. But for some reason the first few verses are not as well constructed as the later ones. Starting from "But the temptation lingers..." to the end is really good. Before that, though, the meter is a bit off and some of the rhymes are a bit off too. But I'm being overly picky here. I still think it is a lovely little rhyme.

[GreenSkeleton16]

LMAO!!!!! that is awesome!!! it is like Dr. Seuss! I wrote something like this called "The Mighty Crocodile" im posting it just for yoU! lol

[FleetingReveries]

This was very cute and made me smile :) You're rhyming is suberb, it reads very well :)

[OT]

very nice poem!! and I do applaud anyone who experiments with new and complicated styles! it seems to have paid off here, it reads very Seuss-like, with nice strong couplets, as the others have said meter would make this stronger but it does stand rather well on its own!!

[.]

. well, i read dr seuss to my nephew for years ... hop on pop ... was his favourite ... and i think this is a skilled and adorable and enchanting ode to him ... and that you ended it with a lesson ... is absolutely awesome ... you can try meter ... that'll enhance your writing probably ... but that's a garnish ... even without the garnish ... this dish is super cool ... (in my humble opinion of course) ...

[akapr17other]

Pleasant and silly (in a good way) I dig this.