Letter Of Sacrifice

July 15 , 2013

Dear Sumit ,

It’s a long time since I heard from you. I hope you are all right. This is not just a letter……..You know Yaar…..This is Our “Life”. That life which We  waited for the last ten years. According to your words …….I am very curious to give you this good news. Your hard work has paid off this time. One more JUNIOR has come to serve the Nation.

 

Sumit’s eyes with tears of joy flowing out of the heaps. It was a letter from his wife “Priyanka”, who had just now become the mother of a “new born”baby. He remembered the pain of that three miscarriages that his wife suffered in the last ten years and He is the only one responsible for that pain. He lost in the thoughts……the first one…..had been just over two years of their marriage when He came back home after His Posting in Assam. Yes, He is an Army Officer whose Top priority has been always their Duty instead of their Family.Perhaps this was the main cause which made him hard hearted and so He was unable to pay the attention of his wife’s words at that time.

 

I still remember the pain of Our First Miscarriage mating when You came back from “Assam”. I know that was your Love for me but perhaps everytime You tried to Love ……It’s gone worse. I am missing you my Dear……..Its all good now.

 

On a week leave When I went back to my home…..she sprangly put Her arms around my neck and gave me that news. Perhaps every married man is eager to hear those words,”You are now going to be a responsible man…..a “Father”.But that words didn’t bother me. I simply made a smile and quickly finished my meal. We had a Bed Time after two months……..only that thing bothers me.Yes, We both were in a hurry to spend our night alone but with different concepts. As We lived in a joint family so there was a boundation to leave the drawing room after eleven. So We had to wait ……a wait to get closer to each other. As the eleven past……….We both rushed towards our bedroom. For me the cause was the Physical Satisfaction and for Her the cause was to share those pretty moments which she was going to be live. But without paying any attention towards Her feelings I simply got overpowered Her.

She shrieked in a low tone,” Please….just fifteen days more……I haven’t completed my three months yet and it’s risky.”

I annoyed and replied,” then for what I need You.Why I tied a marriage knot with you? You are my wife and it’s your duty to satisfy me.”

She was resisting but I didn’t pay any attention.A flood of fantasies were revolving in my mind and when it ended ,everything was finished. The very next day She was hospitalized for the abortion. My small little mistake made Her speechless. Every next person who came to see Her was in a mood to give many advices to Her. Some of them blaming Her not to take precautions at such a serious stage. She calmly accepted all the advices as there was nothing to explain.The shining of Her eyes disappears and she was looking pale. I was in a regret but my Manhood always stopped me to accept “Sorry” in front of Her.

Sometimes We knowingly commit a crime that is under our control. That was the day when my fantasies overpowered me badly and my thoughts become helpless.

 

Diwali is about to come .How lucky is the JUNIOR na? His First festival…….and this time I pledged to celebrate the same with “No Crackers”. I want to distribute some sweets to the poor children.May be they are the one whose wishes blessed me this beautiful “Rose”. This Diwali is really a lucky one for me.

 

Days passed……years passed……but she couldn’t conceive again. After three years we consulted a doctor ,who prescribed some medicines to us. Six months later again a ray of hope enlightened. We both were very happy and forgot all the pasts. That time We decided to walk at each and every step carefully. Everything went fine up to seven months. I still remember that Black night of Diwali. We both stood in the balcony and was enjoying the Crackers. Suddenly some of my friends came to wish me. I got down and started to enjoy that Diwali crackers with my friends. My friends insisted me to call “Priyanka” too. She simply refused in front of my friends. Again my “Manhood” burst and I ordered Her to get down immediately. She is a very obeying wife ……this I realized later on. She always leans in front of my wishes and due to this simple nature ,She was caught on fire on that Diwali day. In a great anxiety and fear our seventh month baby which was premature dead on the spot. Life stops there again and that time again I was the cause…..and She was the sufferer.

 

 This time “Sumit” …….My ninth month was the toughest month as each and every second I indulged in my past memories but as You were not there ….so that fear lasts only for a while. Only Your sacrifice blesses me to taste the fruit of “Motherhood”. I Love You very much Dear!

 

Two more years passed and “Priyanka” was very depressed in those years. Sometimes she thought that Life was useless and made suicide attempts but was always rescued by my family members.They gave Her a hope and perhaps God once again heard our petitions too. I was very cautious when She conceived third time and was trying to make Her happy too at any cost. One can’t imagine that How We passed that nine months. At every moment…every second……a fear entered into my mind……which remains long……..disturbs my sleep……and pointed me that I was the one who is responsible for that two previous miscarriages.So this time neither I want to be the cause nor I want any reward.

That was the day of Our Marriage Anniversary.We have completed eight years together. I was on my leave for ten days. So no doubt was enjoying my day with a bottle of wine. It was day time……We were in bedroom. The sun was shining. A cold wintry weather of the month of November made us close to each other.Only ten days left for welcoming the new “Guest”. We both were very happy. Priyanka was sitting closer to me making me warm. I was on my laptop and was searching some Gift for Her.This time I wanted to make Her surprise through this online shopping. But situation went wrong that time once again.

I too was very much against about the open “Porn” sites that are running frequently now a days. They aren’t only misleading the path of the Young youths but also generate many crimes . And We the married ones……became a habit of all this. I too was allured by it and while surfing my mind got stuck into one of the “Porn” site where if a married man visit under the influence of liquor will be no doubt spoiled His mind. It made me relax and exotic too as many vulgar scenes were going there.Being a Human I couldn’t stop myself for has been watching all that and when I got a into a full excitement state I started making force to my Beloved wife for the same.

Priyanka went into a dilemma. On one side My anniversary Love forced Her and on the other side Her most precious thing was waiting to come. But that time she was sticking to Her words as she knew the consequences of the situation. But Whenever someone tries to challenge my “Manhood”……I became harsh. And at last I was succeeded once again to show my strength before Her.

I never thought that during pregnancy the last nine months was too became so risky which turned the scene and caused the death of my child. My hard pushes was the reason due to which blood clots in the new born’s head ……who was about to come. And with a loud thrust she shrieked in a pain.That was a case of emergency in which the life of priyanka was too in the gambling board. We lost our Child once again and I was the reason this time too.

 

I never imagined that I will receive  the “Award” too……..”The Most Hilarious Mother Award” which was recently nominated in my Name by Our Society members. But That Award will be given When You are with me. So I am eagerly waiting for You.

 

When She came back from the Hospital this time……her feelings died……Her emotions swept away but being a wife She was still with me…..holding my hand tightly……was looking into my eyes.I had no words left to console Her.Though She had a lot of questions floating in Her eyes but Her tongue was silent.How can a man be so cruel?How can a man be so deceitful….lusty……such type of questions were revolving in my mind at that time but all that was too late then.

 

I know Your “Swear” hasn’t completed yet. You are not the cause……sometimes circumstances matter a lot. I want to see You as early as possible but You are a Man who cares about Words.

 

It took me a long time to counsel my Wife once again. As the Life has no door to Stop …..so was the situation with us. We too lived on …..perhaps for the next chance. As the time and days passed…..our wounds were too ready to heal and We were handling the situation that was passing through. “Priyanka” matters to me a lot. Only a woman can bear the long journey of pain and wishes of Her partner but if a man would be there then surely He denied to live with such an irresponsible Partner. To make Her happy I lastly decided to change our Environment and went to some Hill station for a week. There We restarted our life journey with a new zeal and enthusiasm. In fact I wanted to get back my “Love” which was disappeared from Our Life. I felt very “Sorry” for Her but sometimes “Sorry” too became a peanut in front of our Crime.

But as Sorrows are running so as the Happiness blocked our way. When We came back from our weekend holidays……..We came to know about the Fourth chance. Again a chance of gambling……as We both had no words to say about that.Neither We were in a situation to celebrate that moment nor We could Mourn. But that was the time for me to make me strong……that was the time for me to remorse for my mistake. So without hearing any word ,I simply made a “Swear”. I believe that a “Swear” has the power to make a Man internally strong only that’s why in the olden times the old saga’s were fond of it.

I too went for the same…..which I still remember,”My Dear Priyanka……..I in front of You……in front of the Holy God…..Make this “Swear” ……that from now I am leaving my house and will come back only ,when my Child has completed his First year.”

She was stunned when paid attention towards my words. But without speaking to Her ,I packed my luggage and left my Home for two years. Perhaps I took the right decision at that time as I was an unlucky one in Her life. Though this moment makes me proud but I entered only when my Baby too has completed his One year.

 

Though I know that you will not come back up to one year……..so sending You an advance invitation letter for His First Birthday and as a gift ,I want that you are the one who will baptize Him.Till then We will call Him only JUNIOR.

 

Tears were flowing from the Sumit’s eyes. He kissed the Letter many times assuming the Hidden Love of her wife ,who still regards Him a lot.

 

You know in your absence I passed my time to make me busy in Poetry writing. One of my Best poems which was for You as under-

O’ my Love….O’ my Dear,

Love is different ,

when made fear.

You were the “Cause” ,

And I was the “Victim” ,

Only that’s why….

We together make this moment “Exulting”.

 

Yours Priyanka