THE STRANGER

inspired a bit by the spate of suicides being reported in the paper......

Fed up of the woes, troubles and defeats -

From them finding no place to hide,

Dejected and defeated I decided one day,

To finally commit suicide.

I thought of the possible ways

and then decided at last,

I would jump from the nearby hill,

and end my life fast.

Just as I was about to

accomplish this horrendous task,

I heard an old man's voice :

"My son, a question, may I ask ?

Why do you want to fling yourself

and end your precious life,

Why not have some poison,

Or why not use a knife ?

"You think by jumping ,

Death will be less painful,

But you forget the fact that

the act of suicide itself is shameful.

Tell me , what problems you have,

which you cannot solve ?

Every problem has a solution,

To solve it you must resolve.

I am Mr. Portigo

and I live in the nearby village,

TRY TRY TILL YOU SUCCEED :

a lesson I have learned through the age."

I felt ashamed of myself

on acting like a coward.

The old man's wise words

had made me feel empowered.

I turned around to thank,

Mr. Portigo, the old man,

But he was nowhere to be seen,

though I tried as much as I can.

I went to a nearby bar

and asked about Mr. Portigo,

"Oh him", said the waiter sighing,

"He committed suicide long time ago".

Author's Note

do let me know the mistakes, even if they are grammatical.

Reviews

[Lorraine]

The ending created an unexpected and creepy twist. It's as if the ending suddenly made the whole poem a lot more meaningful and motivating than I expected it to be. The only thing I find weird in this is the lack of strong reason for the speaker to actually commit suicide. I don't really think his reasons are strong enough to commit such thing. Anyways, still a beautiful piece.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Prateeksha Khot]

You are right stoic, that is indeed the gist of the poem.

[the_stoic]

liked the end part ! the line with all caps was unnecessary though ..

my take - Mr. portigo has himself quit but wants others to continue suffering .. maybe he likes watching others battling it out while he roams free as a spirit :D

[angelus]

this is great well writtten totally awesom

[deeps]

This is wonderful, i like this write.
The ending is quite chilling though.
Wonderfully written

[Hippy]

brilliant i love how you made the dead teach you how selfish you are being and that you are to learn from the pains you have omg i just remembered a sonnet i wrote in forgot about it screams that. thank you for reminding me and for sharing

[O Bubbly_snowflake *]

Wow! The end of this sent a shill down my spine! [was it intended?]
So, I comment you for that, a great write indeed.

But I do have to be a nit-pick in someplaces, and these are just my suggestions on things you can perhaps change or consider?
* I see that you did a rhyme scheme in there, it worked great for it! But you did seem a bit desperate for it as you started making up words! xD
Its alright in most cases, but here..'quickful' it made me lose the flow of the poem as i started to wonder if it was a word or not. And I think that can hinder a poem when the reader is distracted by such things... ButI do understand that you want it to rhyme, so perhaps see if you can make it rhyme in a different way? Find another word? Maybe change it to 'Death will be less painful'?
* In stanza 3, another gramtical thing that just caught my eye at Mr. Portigo speech 'My son, may I a question ask'
There is nothing superly wrong with it, but I think it might sound a teeny bit better if you changed the words around to 'My son, a question, may i ask?'
* And stanza 5, another suggestion, but last line, 'a lesson i've learned through age' I think it will help with your rhyme better? The long line hinders the rhyme you have going on.

Those are just suggestions, and even if you dont change them, the poem is still just as good. I love it, and keep writing!
Sorry for being picky!

-Bubbly snowflake

[NoAirToBreatheXSuffocat..]

No mistakes, just loads of talent :)

[Dr.Who.LOVER]

OMG that was soo like touching you have mad talent. NO ERRORS WHAT SO EVER

[Caroline Hayles]

I love this, It's very Good! No error's from what I see.