NOTIONS AND 'MIS'NOTIONS

This is the first short story I had written about how people judge everyone only on the basis of their appearances.

Gyanchand looked at the great grandfather clock on the wall. It struck nine. Damn! He was going to be late again to reach his shop. He still had to travel at least 20 minutes by bus to reach his workplace; that is, if luckily he got an early bus and there was no traffic jam. His wife always called him a fool for keeping a shop so far away from home. He knew she was right, but he wouldn’t admit that over his dead body.
          

                         Hurriedly he put on his chappals and was about to leave when his wife’s sharp voice stopped him in his tracks.
         “There! You have forgotten the shop keys and the wallet again. How many times do I have to remind you? Keep the wallet in the front pocket, not in the back pocket and BEWARE OF PICKPOCKETS!” Gyanchand muttered something about ‘nagging wives’, picked up the keys and kept the wallet in the back pocket!

             
                          Panting he reached the bus stop. There he realized that he had forgotten his watch at home. Oh Hell! He knew he was in for a big lecture from his wife when he reached home but he would worry about that later. He looked at the man standing before him. He was well dressed and seemed to be decent &dignified. Gyanchand smiled and asked him:
                 Excuse me, could you please tell me what the time is?

  The man started and looked suspiciously at him. “9.30”, he said gruffly and turned away. Puzzled ,Gyanchand tried to talk to him but the man wouldn’t budge. “I hope the bus comes early.I have to reach my shop : GYANCHAND  ELECTRICAL  GOODS  & APPLIANCES .”

                           Hearing this, the man seemed to relax a bit. “So”, he said ,”You are the owner of a shop. Then you, like me, are from the educated and hard-working lot. Sorry for being rude. But there are so many pickpockets masquerading as decent men that you really don’t know whom to trust!”.”Yes”, agreed Gyanchand  readily. “This business has become rampant but no one has ever managed to loot me. My wallet is always safe in my back pocket .”
                            They talked for some time, then an empty bus came. People rushed to enter the bus. Somehow, in the hustle-bustle, Gyanchand managed to enter the bus. All the seats were taken but he got to stand comfortably. The  bus started and he turned around to see if the man had also boarded the same bus. However he was nowhere to be seen.  Gyanchand shrugged off his shoulders and turned towards the conductor who was asking him for the ticket.”One Dadar T.T. please ”,Gyanchand said and reached for his wallet . But when he put his hand inside his back pocket, the color drained from his face.
                              The wallet was gone. 

Author's Note

Just a story I wrote long time back.....

Reviews

[Wesley V Harney]

I enjoyed this, the beauty of the short story is that they are short and sweet and an easy read. I really liked the build up, the trust that was relayed between the two gentlemen. My only tips are that you should work on showing what is happening and in weeding out words that you can do with out. For example:

"Hurriedly he put on his chappals and was about to leave when his wife’s sharp voice stopped him in his tracks. " This could be turned into: Leaving he donned his chappals, his wife's shrill voice bringing him to a complete stop.

Keep in mind though that this is your story, not mine and however you believe the story is better told is the way it should be.

live to love, love to live

wes

Uh Oh the wallet was gone.. I loved the little picture wit the bus stop :) Good amusing read!

[hello1]

that was nice. he deserved it!

[Emily Quinn]

a good story, never judge a book by its cover; a valuable lesson many are hypocritical or just plain ignorant of. great job

[angelus]

its great i will keep my wallet in my shirt pock from now on lol.

[K. Mascis]

Nice, a little choppy at points, but a sweet little story. Only suggestion would be to use less "!"'s, instead opt for more exciting wording. Well done, though.

[fernwort]

Nice story. Write more..

[dont_know_me]

short and sweet !

[MilanRealWorld]

Great story. Simple and well written

[K@lp@n@]

ha ! ha! nice one !

[Rochser]

nice story. simple and nice