peace at its best

it is time when i found purest form of love,its not love at first sight,but its pure feelings.I already got this printed it in my college annual magzine.

You are like pure breeze in midnights of December...,

You are like pure deep blue water of ocean...,

You are like village utopia far from town,

You are like long walk on beach alone,

You are like my precious silence in temple...

 

Yes it’s all true,

You are the only peace, serenity that I was looking for from long ago,

But still its true that you are only air that can be felt but can never touched,

You are only the water of ocean that can be admired but can never be drunk,

You are only utopia far from reality

You are only my god that can only be praised but can never be seen.

Author's Note

please give me true feedback so that i can know how efficient I'm.its also my first attempt at poetry.

Reviews

[beyondpen]

Hey nice thoughts, i could actually picture them... a great first attempt... Bravo! though i kinda agree with Nick about letting go of 'like' to create a better imagery... dont you feel so?

[prashant harsh]

thnx foh review might b u r rite but i just felt lyk dat at dat tym so written it in dat way nxt tym ill take care of rhyme also,thnx 4 ur suggestions :)

[beyondpen]

i like your spirit :) but lemme tell u i m no pro my self so don't entirely go by mine or somebody else's word... so hoping not to leave you confused, i would say that in poetry one should write what one feels... dont ever stop writing :)

[prashant harsh]

definitely m here to continue mah writing :)

[Nix]

Very good first poem! Good vocabulary and good imagery. I personally would switch out "you are like" to "you are". But that is just my opinion. Great job!

[prashant harsh]

thanx foh ur tym n comments :)

[CNC9619]

This is beautiful! The only thing that I would say is that you are missing some filler words (of, and) and plurals. But, The best piece of advice I can give is, that you have raw talent and that you should keep going. Everyone has room for improvement, and the more you write the better you get.

[prashant harsh]

thnx for devoting ur tym constructive criticism always welcomed i'll take care of ur suggestions :)

[CNC9619]

Not a problem at all. I really enjoyed it!

[Rhea752]

Awwwww it is so sweet. The imagery is beautiful, and this poem is absolutely lovely. Keep writing!!!!!! :D

[prashant harsh]

thanx foh reading n useful feedback :)

[chaotic katie]

i love how you capture emotion through imagery, fantastic job!

[prashant harsh]

thank you foh ur comment
:)