The Abyss between two ears

It takes a courage to stare at my face in a tossed up brown glass of scotch. Sip by sip as the poison slowly consumes me. To some, the tonic helps push away sorrow. To others it pulls out woeful memories from happy yesterdays. But for me, the poison doesn't laugh or cry. Neither does it make me forget worries in a momentary celebration, nor does it drown my cheerful spirits into melancholic memories. Sitting alone, the dim lit corner table, that smug look on the face, sip by sip I browse through my thoughts. An anarchy in my mind yet a calm on my face. A confident smirk unwittingly giving away the contemplation in my head. Yet, I hold on to that disguise. 

 

Watching everyone around dance to a music that somehow does not make any sense to me. I have an ocean to cross, a thought to process,  and a gaze to maintain. There she is , sitting right opposite having absolutely no clue of what I'm thinking right now. Its almost like the childhood dream when you wished you were invisible. Oh what a sly game it was. With my chin on my fist, arm on the bar, the edge of the hat dwarfing eyes, I can play with my imagination as I please. The king of this castle, The master of this show. All other things can wait, I don't have to hear every sound or listen to every question. Its not because I don't have an answer, but because it simply doesn't matter anymore. Letting all thats unimportant quietly slide away.

 

Slowly beginning to realise that she actually believes that I am listening to her as long as I keep feeding her with timely nods. However, I am more engaged in deciphering the taste of her lips than the words that come out from there. Whatever she speaks through her mouth falls short of what I read in her eyes. The way they light up, the way they shy away, the way they unknowingly give away what they're hiding.

 

We all have parts of ourself that we want to keep only to ourselves. Parts of us you'd never wish anyone finds out. Yet you cloak yourself up, and become walking lies only to fit into what the world believes is normal. So then when you meet someone for the first time, are you meeting them or their representatives. How far can this representative walk you to the real person. How close can you let your representatives bring someone to you.
Are we then just puzzles to be solved. Or are we different persons to different people. Are these walls we've built around us for our protection or are they our definition. If you are what rules you live by, then does breaking those rules make you a different person. What if one day you snap and break away through these walls. What do you become then? Do you become what society thinks you are? or Do you become what you think you actually are, or what you want others to think you are.
Are we all then a product of choices we make or just a concatenation of things that happen to us even if they are beyond our control.

 

There are things from which we secretly derive immense pleasure. We connive our appearance to veil what we feel. Watching a hated person suffer at his own cost. Watching karma take its toll on those who have wronged us. Involving a forbidden person in the most libidinous thoughts. Things that we would not admit a million times. We deny it, yet deep down for a brief moment we all simply love the way it makes us feel. The way it fills a certain void. The way the warmth of this feeling embalms a certain wounded corner within us. 

 

You can walk seas in search of wonderlands, You can riddle magic in search for amazement, You can go to moon and back to capacitate your lust for curiosity. Yet there is hardly a world that is more interesting, intriguing, profound and wonderful than the one that exists between your ears.

 

Pranav Malhotra

Reviews

[Rita L. Sev]

Provocative, Pranav! I am wrapping my thoughts around these words: "If you are what rules you live by, then does breaking those rules make you a different person?" Quite possibly, it does. Your final sentence is intriguing as well. A well done and interesting piece!

[Mizzycupcakes]

I am so intrigued by this. I feel like these are lifes every day questions. Who am I? What makes me me? But i'm glad you introduced me to you work, im excited to read more and I sincerely hope you read and review mine as well. :)

[Veronica Chandler]

"We don't really see things as "They" are...We see things as "We" are..." Author Unknown

The world we see is mostly seen through the lens of our hopes, expectations and preconceptions. So, is the seer ever really seeing its object or it's own construct. The world "Out there" is what it is, but even if two people are looking at the very same thing at the same time, they would describe "it" differently. Isn't experience really seen through the lens we intentionally or unintentionally place over our eyes. Food for thought Pranav...Wonderfully honest and well written piece.

[Pranav Malhotra]

thank you so much Veronica. Thanks for the anecdote . . .

[Veronica Chandler]

My pleasure

[KAOlmsted]

I am enamored with your voice; I love where your imagination has taken me today. I do this a lot, I confess. I am accused more often than not of paying no attention to my companion simply because...it's true ;-) I live in my own head. The outside world bores me silly and cannot come close to what goes on in my imagination. By writing, I get to live vicariously through the characters I create, and there is no reality I can conceive that can hold a candle to that. I know you know what I'm saying ;-)

On a personal pet peeve nit picky note, watch your use of the word "that". If the sentence can stand without it, chuck it in the bin. It is useless. Otherwise, really great work here. Thank you for sharing it with us.

-kimmer

[Pranav Malhotra]

Wow, Kimmer,
thank you so much. . .

[KAOlmsted]

My absolute pleasure ;-)

[❤ Maggie ❤..]

Very good! I liked the last paragraph a lot..well written..

[Pranav Malhotra]

thanks maggie,
As always, short and sweet

[❤ Maggie ❤]

:)

[Stacey Watts]

Thank you for your friend request. I read your work and I think most can agree with your thoughts from time to time. The questions and moral aptitude are keeps us sane and ready to explore how we feel at any moment. You paint a vivid picture here of being lost in a world that seems to be unraveling before you, but you find strength in your own questions and answers. It's good to escape and become invisible at times, I think. It can definitely give a person a clearer picture. Very well expressed here.

[KeelyJane]

Ahh, such is life. Another wonderful write.

[Courtney Rose]

there is a sense of truth to this that seems fitting. I love your work

[Pranav Malhotra]

Thank You ruka, :) glad you liked it.

[Dee Okolotowicz]

You've certainly captured the complexities and flavors of life. The many variables, such as personalities, actions and reactions, including the very darkest sides of a person's psyche, along with the fact that the wonders of life do not need to be "searched for," that all we need to do is look and listen, were represented quite clearly throughout your piece.

There are some sentence construction errors that can be easily edited to be more grammatically correct. The one thing that was a bit uncomfortable was that you changed your point of view in some of your paragraphs. Unless someone is exceptionally good at it, writers are usually taught to stay with one POV, either using the first person, third, or omniscient, etc. but not more than one in a single sentence or paragraph.

Again, I found this to be something I don't normally read, but it *was* thought provoking.

[Pranav Malhotra]

I'm glad that you allowed yourself to read something out of your normal reading genre. I did take note of the feedback.
Thank you so much Djokolot.

P.S :- is that your pen name ?

[Dee Okolotowicz]

You're very welcome. :) No, it's my first two initials and six letters of my last name.

[beautiful dreamer]

very nice! good write

[Ohhhwillow]

Only we can provide answers, I feel I have learned that along the way.. Since each handles situations with dramatic difference, to make sense of the senselessness we face, we must provide our own consensus.. This is very beautiful.. Very intimate.

[Pranav Malhotra]

So true,
Thank you so much Willow, I'm glad you liked it :)