The Abyss between two ears

It takes a courage to stare at my face in a tossed up brown glass of scotch. Sip by sip as the poison slowly consumes me. To some, the tonic helps push away sorrow. To others it pulls out woeful memories from happy yesterdays. But for me, the poison doesn't laugh or cry. Neither does it make me forget worries in a momentary celebration, nor does it drown my cheerful spirits into melancholic memories. Sitting alone, the dim lit corner table, that smug look on the face, sip by sip I browse through my thoughts. An anarchy in my mind yet a calm on my face. A confident smirk unwittingly giving away the contemplation in my head. Yet, I hold on to that disguise. 

 

Watching everyone around dance to a music that somehow does not make any sense to me. I have an ocean to cross, a thought to process,  and a gaze to maintain. There she is , sitting right opposite having absolutely no clue of what I'm thinking right now. Its almost like the childhood dream when you wished you were invisible. Oh what a sly game it was. With my chin on my fist, arm on the bar, the edge of the hat dwarfing eyes, I can play with my imagination as I please. The king of this castle, The master of this show. All other things can wait, I don't have to hear every sound or listen to every question. Its not because I don't have an answer, but because it simply doesn't matter anymore. Letting all thats unimportant quietly slide away.

 

Slowly beginning to realise that she actually believes that I am listening to her as long as I keep feeding her with timely nods. However, I am more engaged in deciphering the taste of her lips than the words that come out from there. Whatever she speaks through her mouth falls short of what I read in her eyes. The way they light up, the way they shy away, the way they unknowingly give away what they're hiding.

 

We all have parts of ourself that we want to keep only to ourselves. Parts of us you'd never wish anyone finds out. Yet you cloak yourself up, and become walking lies only to fit into what the world believes is normal. So then when you meet someone for the first time, are you meeting them or their representatives. How far can this representative walk you to the real person. How close can you let your representatives bring someone to you.
Are we then just puzzles to be solved. Or are we different persons to different people. Are these walls we've built around us for our protection or are they our definition. If you are what rules you live by, then does breaking those rules make you a different person. What if one day you snap and break away through these walls. What do you become then? Do you become what society thinks you are? or Do you become what you think you actually are, or what you want others to think you are.
Are we all then a product of choices we make or just a concatenation of things that happen to us even if they are beyond our control.

 

There are things from which we secretly derive immense pleasure. We connive our appearance to veil what we feel. Watching a hated person suffer at his own cost. Watching karma take its toll on those who have wronged us. Involving a forbidden person in the most libidinous thoughts. Things that we would not admit a million times. We deny it, yet deep down for a brief moment we all simply love the way it makes us feel. The way it fills a certain void. The way the warmth of this feeling embalms a certain wounded corner within us. 

 

You can walk seas in search of wonderlands, You can riddle magic in search for amazement, You can go to moon and back to capacitate your lust for curiosity. Yet there is hardly a world that is more interesting, intriguing, profound and wonderful than the one that exists between your ears.

 

Pranav Malhotra

Reviews

[Rita L. Sev]

Provocative, Pranav! I am wrapping my thoughts around these words: "If you are what rules you live by, then does breaking those rules make you a different person?" Quite possibly, it does. Your final sentence is intriguing as well. A well done and interesting piece!

[Roxii]

When I think about it, I do have these walls put up around me. I try to fit in instead of trying to stand out. My thoughts are that if I don't fit in, I'll be an outcast. But deep down, I know it's not true. Even knowing this, I try my best to be 'normal'. Which is not talking too loud, to not to be so obnoxious even though I love a good laugh, try not to talk too much, etc. But what I and everybody else should do is talk too loud, be obnoxious when we know we love a good laugh, and talk too much because we want people to hear our voices and remember them. We might not think about it, but all of us really want to be noticed, but society and the humanity of today shuts us up. All of us have conformed to something at one point of our life.
Pranav, your work is so thought provoking and I love being able to read it. You have such wonderful words and you have a sort of melody to them. Please keep sending me requests so that I can read more of your masterpieces.

[Barbara Walker]

Bravo, love this piece! Your words reflect many thoughts I have had myself. The masks we wear during our life can be many, but if you are confident in yourself, love yourself, hopefully you do not find masks necessary. And what defines the mask? Is being polite to people when you don't feel like being polite, a mask or just being civil? It's great food for thought!

[SimpleMind]

So that's how it is!! Great write!

[Aramey]

I believe there are two sides that lie within us all and both are opposites. As with all humanity we are capable of negative or positive feelings. A lot of us live in the grey area until we decide which way we will react to a situation, the amount of the time seems to depend on the individual. Just because we react one way one time and different another time, doesn't make us something different at each moment... it seems to be more of a choice and the stronger side wins. It doesn't mean that later on, in a different situation we would react the same way.
As far as being a representative of ourselves when we first meet someone, sure... I think we all do to some extent. On days when I feel horribly down I find myself putting on my make-up a little more careful and spending extra time on vanity. Why? Because I don't want to look as ugly as I feel. It's bad enough to feel that way, let alone see it written all over your face. I found I can even fool myself with this way, and end up feeling a little better just from taking some extra "me" time. So in that case it does a few things.
I've been told my eyes are the same way as the girls are in this story. A lot of impact written in them, but I only show glances. It's simply because I don't see myself the same way.
As an overall write, this is another really good work. I'll have to pay closer attention to your writes when you publish them. Thank you for sharing :)

[Pranav Malhotra]

I completely abide by what you've put forth Aramey, you have a keen eye for detail.
Thanks a ton. :)

[InsanityWriter]

Very interesting. ;)

"We connive our appearance to veil what we feel"

Well done! :)

[N.S. Jones]

An interesting read; very profound.

[Zoya Sahai]

Your thoughts are very honest and you've put them forth in a very disciplined manner. You always make a strong point with each of your writing which is most of the time very convincing. And your last few lines.. make a good impact. I really enjoy reading your work.

[ganga ramesh]

I always read your last paragraphs before even looking up to the title....great piece, yet again:0

[Claire Twinn]

A person lost in sea of thoughts, there's a deep feeling of wishing to escape from the realities of life. Yes it's true the world of the imagination is a wonderous one but I think the person in this story is enjoying them at the cost of the wonders of reality.