SIX

ADAMANT

As I headed back to my room I was floating with joy. Joy of chatting with some other’s girlfriend? No, simply by the fact that I overcame the first hurdle. At least I thought off so.
Night? It didn’t go well. I was restless. Tossed right and left until sleep overpowered me.
Next day, I lay flat on my bed listening Metallica with a cigarette to accompany me, after heaving a heavy lunch. Then I stood up and headed to college. Why?? May be in hope of meeting her. As I reached college. No trace of her. Then a bit disappointed, I decided to return. But as I was heading back to my room, Natalie was coming from far along with her brother. Again the same thing. I started to tremble. As she came nearby, she smiled at me like never before. There was something different about it this time. She tried to stop, but then her brother was there. So I walked. As I turned back, I saw her looking back at me and talking to her brother simultaneously infront of the hostel. I stood right there. Then she went in.
            My heart told me something was about to give today. I took a full turn of the premises and stood opposite to the girl’s hostel. No trace of her. But as I was about to give up, she came. She saw me and turned away and started walking. Now I’d no choice, I had to. So I did.
I went for it. Her steps were brisk. Yet I followed her. But it was so brisk the only way I could have caught her was to run.
 
So I called her from behind.
 
As my voice echoed, “Natalie”
She turned with a smile, her feet crossed and hands restlessly wrapping around each other.
She replied, “Kyah,” as I neared her.
 
I said, “I told you I would come.”
 
Even though she replied saying, “And I’d told you not to” she didn’t mean it.. Then she asked me something which I’d no answer for, about the day when I was suited up. But I managed to sway it away.
This continued for the 3 whole rounds of the entire college premises. Walking side by side. Occasionally looking towards each other. There were more of a silent pausing moments rather than our conversation. Yet it was soothing.
Then we decided to sit down nearby our block. Her phone rang. I felt sour. But it was a f*****g commercial one. Then she played Bob Marley on her cell and gave me a mint. That mint never tasted so minty before. Damn it.
 
We talked.
 
As the song finished and changed, Cradle of filth started. I was rocked back. I most certainly with astonishment enquired, “U listen to these songs?”
 
She replied, “Haaaah” in a very casual manner.
 
“Metal??????”
 
Again, “Haaah, I like metal, Panteras and stuff”, she answered.
My eyes rolled upwards and I said within, “She’s completely my type. Wohh!”
            Then we sat there and chatted and watched people go by, see the sun lower until the far silhouetted. As it reached twilight we decided to apart. At this scenario 99% of the guys would have most certainly walked her back to the hostel. But me?? I didn’t. I said bye and watched her go. As she approached a curve, the last juncture from where either of us couldn’t have seen each other after, she turned and waved……. I waved back and stood there with a smile in my face.
 
Next day as I was sitting in my class, as usual, the window seat. Natalie was coming. Seeing this my friend armed me. She gave me a smile and waved a little. Seeing this, my friend was, What the f**k”. Although we were still in the middle of a class he said, “Ho gaya?”.
 
I shook my head in denial. He stamped my foot and jawed, “Liarrrrrrrrrr.”
 
I just smiled.
 
We would probably see each other, meet, talk once a day at max. I would call her at night. But whenever it would be on waiting I felt horrible. Why was I doing this, knowing the outcome. Stop it, I said.
I would switch off my cellphone. 10 minutes hence, again call her. This went on for 4-5 days. Then one night I asked her out. Not as if for a super date, but nonetheless a date. She denied.
 
But adamancy was rooted in me, I told her I would be waiting infront of the hostel for you, so its upto you to come or ignore.
 
She said, “What if I don’t?”.
 
“Then I guess I’d stand in the scorching heat the whole day”, I replied
 
“Hah, bluffer”, she said.
“I will,” I said. “I’ll stand there until you come out and go with me”, I added.
 
“Don’t, cos’ I ain’t coming,” she said.
“Ok I’ll be waiting for you the whole day then”, I said. But I knew she would.
 
So the next day I would wake up way early than my normal hours. Pick up my favourite jeans and tshirt, spray tons of my Axe and spike my hair for hours. Then I went college. As I said I stood infront of the girl’s hostel, the same place where I always did. She wasn’t there to be seen. After 10 restless minutes, she came and stood far away, hardly recognizable on hallway’s window. But I knew it was her. She would stand there, go, and come back again, peek sometimes. Me? Still lingering outside waiting for her. As of minutes turned to hour and hour to hours she was nowhere to be seen for now. But I’d said the whole day, so I was willing to wait the entire day. But after 2 and a half excruciating hours, she came. She wore a black tshirt to go with a dark blue jeans. She was looking stunning. All the tiredness within just wipped past me when I saw her.
 
She smiled and said, “I’m not here to meet u, I’m going to the library ha”.
 
“Ok, I’ll walk you there,” I replied in the precise manner that she did.
 
Then we headed outside the campus and took a cab to the nearby market. As I sat there beside her inside the cab, I was getting by drugged by her smell. The smell of her hair was intoxicating for me. It was probably the normal Head & Shoulders but yet it was so pleasant and fuckingly awesome. We sat next to each other yet tried to have a minimum of contact. Stay rigid. Then as we reached the local market, we just strolled around.
Then I took her away from the busy place, so that we could be alone and talk. We sat on the top of a rock uphill. Now we could see people moving by, the whole market, river flowing through. We sat there and enjoyed the moment.
Then there I told her I like her, not love her, but like her.
 
She didn’t say anything. We both stayed silent. I looked at her. She was staring far, still saying nothing.
After a very long silence she turned and said, “My boyfriend is very nice ha. He loves me very much. But………….”
Then she stopped.
I was speechless. I had no words.
 
“He hasn’t done anything to me, he is very nice. But yes we have no future too,” she said again.
And my Mom will never ever accept you too so I don’t wanna hurt you and make you feel bad,” she added.
 
She further said, ”You are a very nice guy, you’ll meet a very nice girl too. So please don’t.”
Still I had no words to say. I kept quiet and said nothing.
 
Then I asked, “Mom?? Why??”
 
She replied, “Ur race.”
 
I was statued by that. I sat there and stared at the scene. I felt bad and she too felt that.
 
“What happened,” she said to me.
 
‘Nothing,’ I said.
 
“I just thought you too felt the same way as I did and for the past 2 years I’d been stopping myself fearing the exact same thing. That’s the reason why I didn’t want to and now when I…………So it’s a bit heartbreaking for me,” I added after a silence pause.
 
“But its ok,” I said again.
 
Then neither of us said anything. I decided not to go into that topic anymore. To break this mourn, I stood up and picked up a wild flower hanging above and gave it to her. “Just for you,” I said.
She smiled and accepted it.
After that I told her that I was hungry and we went for a lunch.
 
Now, I wasn’t the kind of a guy who would maintain a hippocratic decorum on the table, and having just 2 spoons of rice say “done”. Not that I ate ferociously but I ate heavily. Yet there was no feeling of awkwardness infront of her. Infact she encouraged me in doing so and she too ate unhesitatingly. We were completely comfortable companioning each other, yet we were so much aloof.
 
Then we would roam around after and finally got back. I didn’t happen to drop her back to the hostel because I didn’t feel like. I said bye and a bit disappointed by this, she too bid me goodbye.