The Soul

The burning within..!

seen my soul on a hot rail track...
running in infinite parallels.
there appear mirages, those hallucinates...
at the end, there is only emptiness..
emptiness that is shallow or deep.
there exists tears in depths..
there exists pain in the shallows..
there exists promises on both..
but are always unkempt.
an empty bottle shatters on the steel,

an empty bottle that was earlier of sour spirit,
spirits downed to painful throats ..
to quench the thirst of agonies of birth.
thrown and shatters on the hot steel.
the sparkling shards, everywhere around..
and some pierces the soul with pain.
the blood stains the hot steel rails,
with a swish, that only my ears heard..

Author's Note

Thanks in advance for your guidance..

Reviews

[KJM]

This poem conveys emptiness and reminds me of the battles we fight everyday inside of us, most time the outside world is completely oblivious to them. The thing I loved about this is how it took me right into the bottom of my soul where I've fought the most battles. I loved this, for some reason it didn't really make me sad, just made me very solemn.

Spirits downed to painful throats--strong feeling at this line.

I think that the writing is so descriptive but it is, at the same time, hard to decipher, you really have to think about some of the lines.

Great poem, I loved it.
--kbj

[Pradeep Nair]

thanks a lot for the honest review. it was the pain deep within, made me write this. thanks again.

[Gobinder Singh Dhindsa]

Well Done! Keep it up! Do u read mine 2 TIME and MANNER..if possible then gives ur review..

[yusuf]

you give my imagination orgasms! excellent!

[Pradeep Nair]

That's a great review..

[Starfruitanimal]

i also resonated with this one. "with a swish, that only my ears heard". nicely done, your poems are moving and i appreciate writing i can relate to . the feeling is most definitely there..

[Pradeep Nair]

Thanks a lot for your valuable comments..

[Fatima Gazi]

In terms of evoking emotion, it is smart enough poem. But if seen through an objective eye, it is much discussed topic. A fresh perspective played with emotion is where a poet earns 100 points... Well at least this is how I believe. I enjoyed 'The Soul'.

And as you see I'm new here, I'll take my time to figure this site out, fully. So as far as points are concerned I don't know much.


Thanks,
Fatima Gazi

[Pradeep Nair]

your words of encouragement is much valuer than points for me. I too am here for a week or so, only. I really appreciate your guidance. Please review my remaining works too, at your own pace... Thanks a lot.

[AYVID N]

The pain and tears can be felt acutely...the emptiness too. Your poem conveys the effect it is intended to. I looked into my own dark side.

"at the end, there is only emptiness..
emptiness that is shallow or deep" - this emptiness is what makes so many destroy so many. :)

My compliments! Divya.

[Pradeep Nair]

Thanks a lot.... again and again.

[Sami Khalil]

there exists tears in depths
there exists pain in the shallows.
A nice write.

[Pradeep Nair]

Thank you... thanks a lot.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome.