Heart Broken.

I have no choice but to break him.

Its High school we three friends joined to the same school. I'm glad I don't need to sit with Srujan anymore, he is a very nice guy as a friend, I can't feel more than friendship for him but he. Srusti is quite normal, but facing Srujan is a biggest task for me, as mom told love for the right time.

Yes my mom tells me always, there is a time for everything not that we decide it for ourself, but it should happen at the right time, anything that may be. As she says life needs not only love, she means love is not the only base for life, its an emotional need for every heart that it longs to be locked with anyone once for rest of the life, ANYONE not many anyone. As life comes to practical, it needs to lead on practically, not your emotional needs or satisfaction feed your practical life, this concept is so unclear, since she said it to me.

I don't want to experiment on it now, this is not the time, I feel, my intuition made me feel that. Unclear and fear entangled in my mind, it makes me sick sometimes, I had headache for many of the times too.

I'm a computer nerd, becoming a genious in computers is my dream. So techinically I'm in love with computer not with the heart. High school is a little different experience for me, I saw every boy with girl, its that both they choose themselves and call themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend. This is all just junk, waste of time. I and Srusti take the advantage of stupidity of the rest, of being love birds.

Its that my first year of high school is suppose to complete and exams are in next week. Srusti and I preparing very well but Srujan.. He is not at all studying, whenever I see him outside the class or home he is just hanging out with the guys who are reputed with bad names. As a friend I can talk to him of his ignorance for the studies, he talks less and I feel not comfortable with him, like I was once.

We did our first year and results are in hand. Srusti and I got good results and saved first two places in the class. Srujan he failed in two subjects, he is math genious, how could he loose it I don't know. Srusti too amazed when she saw Srujan's report card. I keep myself silent, because it'll prove me wrong if I say anything else.

Srusti phoned me at evening and I couldn't hold myself so asked her, why Srujan failed in exam? She said, " Now a days he is not taking interest in studies, dad even threaten him of beating, he had beaten already once or twice. I don't know what is that eating his mind." our conversation is so lousy, there comes a second thought in mind. Am I be the reason for his failure?

I thought to talk to him, when I gone their home, Srusti is in garden and asked her where is Srujan, she said he is in his room. I don't like usually to go his room, Srusti said she'll join us a few minutes later, she gotta finish up some work in garden. There is no stability in mind, its all so confusing to me, what to talk and how to start?

"So you gone to his room alone?" Bindhu asked.

God I don't know, why everyone thinks that, something will happen if a boy and a girl are alone together. I'm strongly determined for this thing, till now I can't feel such things in mind, its that nobody reads my mind or check on it, still I decided these things not to enter in my mind.

"Hello Virgin mother, you are really great and proves that you are abnormal. Its very common that they feel something for their lover, its not a sin too." she said.

Stop by now, Srujan is not my lover, he is just a friend of mine that's it. It's his fault that he feels such thing for me and its not mandatory if he loves me, that I need to love him back.

"You don't have any crush or physical attraction for him, it is that common, even I had crush on my Science sir Harish, when I was teen." Bindhu said.

Good you haven't left even teacher. While we are in college she used to pass comment every boy in the class, their physique, dressing sense and hair style.

It is that, I can never feel something more than friendship for Srujan, I haven'r knocked his door but opened it. I am really shocked he is talking to my photo, I don't know when he stole that. I just see by the side of him, he kept many chocolate wrappers which we use to eat everyday, he kept my hairclip, my doll and most importantly collected butterfly stickers. When he noticed me, he tried to hide all the things from me.

I was angry and compassionate too. Nothing came in mind its not vague its clear, I'm the reason for his failure. I asked him directly, why you are doing this yourself Srujan, nothing will gonna change, I never accept you as my lover, so please be my best friend otherwise you'll loose the concern which I have for you. Don't force me to hate you, yet I haven't generated such feeling for you, so please don't make me hate you. I have a dream and plan that what I wanted to do with my life.

"I'm sorry", his low voice so pathetic. He suppose to leave the room, I stopped him this time. Don't go, you gotta talk to me, you haven't talked to me properly since pre-high school. For me you'll change, promise me. You'll do your graduation and chase your dream. I believe everybody has dream, so you do, I want you to live it.

"Yes, I'll for you, for you I can do anything Rekha, I can't say NO to you." Srujan said.

I took his promise and said, try to be normal with me, I'm just and just your friend not more than that, agreed. Srusti come to see us,"hey guys whats up? Buddy you are geneous you are not gonna loose in re-exam."

He will never, do you Srujan? He said nothing but for you guys I do. His eyes are welling a little I feel it, he don't wanna loose me.

" So you ruined another heart again, it is that you are born to break the hearts of people, don't you?" Bindhu asked in disgust.

I have no answer for that, but if I feel love for him, for sure I would have accepted him in my life but I wasn't. Srujan, hardly passed his exam but he shifted some other city for further studies. Before he leave the city, Srusti and he came to my home, we spent time together, Srusti left for a while and in solace he said something to me.

Rekha I'm going away, for you and for me, you left no space in my mind and I can't think anything but about you. I promised you I'll chase my dream, if I'm here, I'll be distracted so I decided to leave, and to keep my promise." his emotional words till today I can remember as he was saying. I never blame you for this, its my heart it'll torn between my love for you and the promise I give to you. For you this is all, I'll be a succesaful man one day. Srusti returned to room and we have fun too.

"Do you have heart? I doubt it." Bindhu asked. It looks she is annoyed. May she stops for next story.